FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 24 May 13Last online 7 years ago

  • struggle for eloquence
    I genuinely love this - I adored having the chapters so long it just really quenched my thirst for wanting to read more endlessly. Your plot moves fast and there isn't anything here that's going unnecessarily slowly from what I can see and I love that, because I find that people often slow down the filler parts of the story and rush through the plot and I end up not enjoying it. However, you've matched your plot with your length of each chapter and I commend you on that. I remember my heart pumping so fast and feeling so agitated when Lea kept on insisting that there's nothing over the Wall, but there really obviously is and the endless possibilities and which one you'd pick was driving me round the bend, because I knew something was coming. It really put me on edge and I thoroughly enjoyed every last word of reading this and the only disappointment I have in this is that I don't get to read any more of it! It really kills me that you've finished it (assumed mostly on the fact that you entered it for the Competition AND its shortlisted!!!!!!!!!!) and I won't get to know what happens until its either published or whether you'll actually put it up after the Award Ceremony or not. Blah, either way I really do hope you win, because this was fantastic and has resonated with me for days. <3
    I Dare You
    I Dare You
    3557
    19
    16
    ©Molly Looby Shortlisted for the Young Sony Movellist of the Year Competition. NaNoWriMo'12 Winner! . . . Havengore was the beginning and the end of the entire universe. Yeah, like I could believe that....
    Molly Looby
    7 years ago
    Thank you so much! This comment means the absolute world to me. My ultimate ambition in my writing is for people I don't know to like it without a push from me. I cannot express in words how thrilled I am that you're enjoying 'I Dare You'! There is nothing I want more in the world than for people to love my work. Thank you for the ace comment. Thank you, thank you, thank you! :D
  • struggle for eloquence
    This is a good start to your story and it definitely sets up for a potentially great story. :) I would advise on not so much telling the story, but rather showing it - for example, instead of "We're not allowed to go outside" have your character come across a sign in her room to remind people to say in the designated areas - have a list of rules and allude to different things instead of straight up saying it. It makes the readers guess and appreciate that you want them to come up with their own ideas and then be shocked when it wasn't what they thought it would be. Hopefully this advice helped and I look forward to the next chapter! :)
    The Movement
    The Movement
    1254
    14
    29
    What would you do if you had to leave Earth to move to another planet? Without your family so you were totally alone? When Melody is forced to leave her home and move to Syania, she is devastated. Until...
    Summer Blue
    7 years ago
    Thankyou! That really helped! I'm gonna start practising those sort of techniques! :)
Loading ...