MaleUnited KingdomMember since 10 Jul 13Last online 6 years ago

  • Effort
    6 years agoReply
    I like how this is funny in parts. Really helps to take a liking to the narrator. She has a slightly unrealistically incredible confidence speaking the English language for a 4 year old! But yea, I also think it's impressive how you've managed to tell us so much about the family, especially their socioeconomic situation, all through the eyes of a child.
    Christmas Competition Entry
    Christmas Competit...
    132
    2
    1
    My entry for the Christmas competition.
  • Effort
    6 years agoReply
    Really interesting ideas. When I read this, I picture a war raging on a battlefield with orchestral music playing in the background. The ending leaves me wondering what you're really trying to get at. Especially as we don't normally associate birth with war. Fascinating though, well done. Perhaps in a weird way, war is artistic.
    A Soldier's Life
    A Soldier's Life
    888
    2
    3
    Poems of different soldiers in different times, they all lead different lives.
  • Effort
    7 years agoReply
    Great writing, and I like that we can get a really good idea of the narrator's personality, with all the fantasy story references. Perhaps be more specific about how the narrator has gotten over her writer's block though. That's not easy, but it does sound a little like she had writer's block, then suddenly it disappeared.
    Words
    Words
    322
    7
    11
    My entry for the hidden power competition - There's an author inside all of us :)
    White Ravens
    7 years ago
    Thank you for the feedback :) I will definitely work on that :)
  • Effort
    7 years agoReply
    An interesting topic. Well done on this. I really grasp the feeling of being alone in sadness, with nobody else valuing the tree as much as the narrator does.
    I'm left a little bit confused at the end of the chapter. What are you trying to say? It's such a difficult skill to get right. I like that the story sort of fizzles out though, rather than surprises you with a clever twist. And I can take time to try and understand what it might mean. I enjoyed this, it's thoughtful, and tragic.
    I would have also expanded on some of the ideas, why is the narrator so opposed to gossip? What is the significance of there being no cars in the driveway? Perhaps we need some clues.
    Grammatical error: 'there was taped posts...'
    Steady
    Steady
    715
    0
    1
    Seven years ago, Rhea's sycamore was cut down. She never suspected anyone would build there, but, lo and behold. Months after construction stops, the family is finally settled and moved in, and they're...
  • Effort
    7 years agoReply
    Is life in school really like this? Is there really one girl, who is likeable enough to influence each kid in school? I mean, to me that's teenage fantasy.
    Plenty of girls, before they hit high school, dream of being the popular girl that fights for the bullied kids, while still being intelligent and likeable enough to be 'loved by everyone' in school.
    But it doesn't really happen like this when they get to high school. All this talk about hierarchy and games at high school, it's not really 'realism', and the topic gets covered so much in teen novels and dramas.
    Perhaps I'm being too harsh though, it's just not what I'd enjoy reading. Perhaps it's the imagination of a world where these are the priorities, which provides something entertaining to read for some people.
    Embers
    Embers
    36
    1
    3
    Ellie is the new girl in school. Beautiful and sweet she brings the unbalanced school back to earth, letting the social rejects know that they don't have to stand for the harsh treatment being dished out...
Loading ...