FemaleRomaniaMember since 24 Jul 17Last online 12 hours ago

  • DeeundDrang

    mumbled "User blogs clean"

    1 months agoReply
    Hello Movellians! I've been at it since this morning, but now the user blog section looks cleaner with the spammers gone. Not all of them. I got as far back as February this year. So if any of you want to head there and post, go ahead. I'll do my best to keep it clean!
    P.S. Keep up flagging spam content! Your help is appreciated! :)
    1 months ago
    @[DeeundDrang] ThankYou! Will you be keeping the site spam free? (:
    1 months ago
    1 Like
    @[3 SECOND LUKE] I'll try to as much as possible with the free time I have from uni XD As far as I've seen the most spam is in the user blogs, and then the story sections.
  • DeeundDrang
    1 years agoReply
    Beautiful poems! I like them because they are short. And they are beautiful because of the sad note some of them have :) Keep up the good work!
    air like water
    air like water
    air is like water cause i'm drowning slowly -a.b
    1 years ago
    thanks a lot! That means the world to me. And I will :)

  • DeeundDrang
    1 years agoReply
    I'm Denise, one of the Movellas Staff. "Birth of Alba" isn't in the correct category. It might be fantasy, but the characters you write with are not your own, so could you please change from fantasy to "Fan Fiction"? Fans of that video game will know that it's fantasy.
    Thank you!
  • DeeundDrang
    1 years agoReply
    What can I say, Stiles caught my attention. At first I thought it will be about him, but nope, you were inspired by his dark, evil self from - what was it? s3a or b? - yeah.
    Points for the summary! It's something of a rarity here to find well-written summaries. Also points for the cover (which, damn, that's dark and dangerous - and hot) and for the title. I like the idea behind this story because the government declaring war on mental illness? Wow. That'd be the straw that broke the camel's back if it ever happened in RL.
    Also, you need to pay attention to the sentences that come after the dialogue; unless it's "he says", you usually just put a period and then the narrated sentence will start with a capital letter.
    For example: ”Wrench, please,” the garage reeks of oil.
    Minor change: "Wrench, please." The garage reeks of oil.
    Or you can leave the line of dialogue alone and hit enter for the rest of the narration.
    "The garage reeks of oil.

    ”Wrench, please.”

    Mitch’s hands are covered in ink dark colors, as he reaches out from the hood of his old car. I look at his toolbox, and note that I have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. So I stuff a duct tape into his open hand."

    Then there are a lot of descriptors (especially of the voice) that you could do without. Make it simple: "he says", "I say", "dad says", and then add the way the voice sounds in the next sentences, if the words are grumbled, growled, if there are echoes of anger or sadness or something unidentifiable that puts his hairs on end. Golden rule (this is the third time I repeat this): show, don't tell. Don't tell me exactly how it sounded, describe it using the character that narrates or the way it echoes (if it's a room\whatever with echo).
    Sometimes, however, you don't need to focus on these details. Sometimes it's better to let the reader imagine, and after you read enough (both literature and fanfiction) you will learn how to express those sounds by simply writing the character's line without adding anything afterwards. Or you can always help yourself by making another character note on the way those words sound (which also helps conversations move forward AND help you make the characters feel more real to your reader).
    All the best and may you continue to be inspired! :)
    Twins, Bat & Mitch, are running for their lives. Chaos is rising as the government declares war on mental illness, and Bat, suffering from a personality split disorder, is suddenly finding himself in...
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