FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 29 Jul 13Last online 7 years ago

  • AllenorD

    mumbled "Your gay not the queen B of the London!"

    7 years agoReply
    Congratulations you are gay. You have come out of the closet and made society aware of your sexual gender. I am really happy for you. You are free to live as you please and make your own choices and now no one will question why you never seem to be attracted to women. I am happy for you that now you have shared with your friends a part of who you are and who can make you happy.

    What I am not so happy about is that you are now a snipping, back stabbing, arrogant, rude bitch and you are putting this behaviour on being gay. You have so much drama going on and you are suddenly very opinionated and if someone turns the table back on you, you are very unhappy and sulk that they are being cranky. You suddenly suffer from PMS and insist that you know exactly what a woman feels when they suffer from severe period pains.

    I am not happy that you expect people to care about how you feel and know what kind of mood you are in all the time. I am not happy that you will randomly shout at people or try to demean them every chance you get and then say they deserve it because they are being stupid and you don’t care because that is your way.

    I am not happy that you feel the need to shag your way to any man that attracts you, not caring if they are available or not. It’s the gay thing to do! That you feel the need to treat men you have slept with as conquest that can be easily dismissed as they had appeared.

    If that is what being gay and coming out means then it is the same as being an emotional straight man with an egotistical issue. Nothing more nothing less! In the time we’re in being gay is the same as me being black and multi-national. People accept me and a lot doesn’t. I do not go about pretending that I know everything about how every women feels and their pain and then bitch about how naïve insecure and attention seeking they are. I believe that in this case that would be me looking at myself in a mirror and describing myself.

    Am glad you are free to choose but why do you feel the need to crush everyone else in your euphoria that you are gay and special and we seem to be lacking somehow???
  • AllenorD

    mumbled "Love and life"

    7 years agoReply
    A little diversion from my previous mumble! I was thinking after drinking a few pints and a few movies, I ended up watching Oblivion. Something stuck from that movie. The idea of having someone loves you beyond all memory, beyond thoughts and dreams. That someone will hold on to you no matter what time and life can throw at them, which is unbelievably great!
    But what about the person who steps in the great love of your heart is not there? What about the person who loves you and only wishes that you will choose them. That they are not on standby! That if by some miracle the love of your heart comes back maybe you will keep them as the one for your life.
    I find love complicated. As woman we look first for the best man; the hero, the one with the strength, charisma, looks, ambition and virility.
    What we do not always see is the best man has to be shared. They have to go out of space, make the buildings, lead the big business deals, be looked in a room planning things, and lead the people. We forget to ask ourselves are we the best woman.
    Are we the type of woman who will keep the bed warm for days, weeks or months at a time? Are we the woman who will keep the faith and hold the hands of the children and constantly remind them of their father? Are you the woman who has to share your life as well as that of your man when it is needed and take a step from the centre of his life?
    Sometimes we have to understand that what we may consider as a second choice is not that at all. The man who stays and hold the fort, teach and raise the children, look after the woman, follow the leaders and are the builders instead of architectures are not weaker man.

    It takes strong woman to keep a bed and a house warm on her own for the return of her man, it also takes a stronger woman to show her need that she needs her man everyday.
  • AllenorD

    mumbled "Life of Allenor"

    7 years agoReply
    For the sake of this blog, my name will be Allenor. It’s a play on my 2nd name. If you slow it down a bit it may sound like the female version of Voldomort. ‘Get it!’

    When I was 26 years old I had a little break down and figured I needed to see my doctor since I had been in the process of consciously walking in front to end my life. My doctor said that I was depressed and placed me on fluoxetine and advised that I see a therapist. I went along for the ride because for the life of me I could not make a decision about it and just wanted someone else to fix the issue.

    This had not been the first time I had been to the doctor because of depression; the last time the doctor said I needed to fix my sleeping pattern and that will make me feel better. So he prescribed sleeping tablets. I did sleep but I woke up every morning with a headache. Then he said I may need therapy but did not refer me to anyone. So, I buckle down had a few extra glasses of wine and just buried the bad feelings.

    Taking fluoxetine or any mood balancing tablets has the side effects of making you feel worst before you get better which has always been strange to me! It’s like ‘Hey, I feel suicidal and down all the time and would like to stay hidden in my room for all time!’
    Doctors says, ‘Here Take some of these it will balance out your moods but the first two to three weeks you may feel worst.’
    ‘Gee, thanks doc! I already feel like sh** now I have another 2-3 weeks to feel like a bigger sh**?’

    But eventually after the obvious side effect you start to balance out. Now, balancing out comes out in different ways I have found. One, you don’t feel much of anything, can’t get exited or anxious, angry or really happy. Two, you don’t feel anything at all. For me this pretty much depended on my hormone levels. My therapist said that at 26 it was a good time to have a break down and regroup. My work was ok with me taking time off to see my therapist and also allowed me to work from home when I could not cope with life in general.

    My only consolation was that no matter how bad it got, I was still good at my job. I was over-working to compensate the fact that I could not do anything else after work. I went to all these beautiful hotels in some great countries and instead of exploring the country and using the facilities in the hotel s I would stay in my room and write reports and documentations that I did not really have to. And if I did try to go out, I will get dressed and head out then be back in my room in 15-30 minutes maximum. I was afraid and anxious but did not really know it at the time. I just put it down that I was very busy with work.

    Talking therapy was helping and the medication I guess as well. Although at one point I had to increase my dosage (with the doctors’ permission of course) because I was not feeling any differently that before.
    Talking therapy was hard, I found that I could answer most of the questions about my life easily, however when it came how I felt about it I got really frustrated and closed lip. I felt guilty that I was washing my dirty laundry in-front of a stranger. I felt angry that I could not have fixed this myself and I felt ashamed that the past was ruling my life. It took 8 sessions for me to finally really trust the guy, and I found the whole process exhausting.

    Personal Survival tip 1:

    As much as you are finding yourself and taking steps to find emotional independence, sometimes the best thing is to just let a few people take over and make the decision. Think of it this way, if it works then great if not then it really was not your idea to begin with 
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