Staring at the Sun

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What if Bella never jumped? Set after New Moon.

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7. Chapter 7

STARING AT THE SUN

CHAPTER 7

BELLA P.O.V

 

I could tell that Charlie was nervous about leaving for the weekend. Him and Billy would be gone for two nights, Friday and Saturday and would be home sometime around dinner time on Sunday. 

Jacob had decided he felt better if we stayed in La Push because at least I would be safe there. Charlie and Billy left before I left for school on Friday. The day of course dragged on. Jessica tried to get information out of me about our trip all week but I made sure to keep my mouth shut about having a boyfriend. 

Jacob of course was leaning on my truck as I came out of the school. I smiled as soon as I saw him and walked over to him. 

"Hi." I smiled, moving to his side and wrapping my arms around him. He wrapped his around me before kissing my head. 

"How was your day?" He asked. Before I could answer Jessica and Mike both came over. Jessica smiled at Jake and introduced herself while Mike kept his distance. I mean the last time they saw each other was at the movie's and that went really well. 

I unlocked the truck as Jessica followed me. 

"So, are you dating him?" She asked making me sigh. "He's cute, Bella. You should date him." I shook my head and smiled. "If you don't, I will." She said making me laugh. 

"He's spoken for." I answered throwing my bag into the truck and closing the door. She gasped and then giggled. 

"By you?" I nodded smiling at her. "You seem so happy." She answered. 

"I am happy. He's amazing." I answered also taking off my sweatshirt as the weather was much warmer than it has been. Finals were in the next two weeks and then school would officially be over. "And we have the house to ourselves this weekend." I commented to see just to see what her reaction would be. 

"What are you gonna do?" I knew that we were going out to dinner tonight but other than that we didn't have any plans. Tomorrow we might hang out with the pack. But I also knew what Jessica thought we were going to do. 

"Not that." I answered. Jacob came over then and thank the lord he did. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his chest. 

"Are you ready?" He asked. I nodded as he opened the passenger door for me. 

"Bye, guys. See you next week." I smiled waving to Jessica and Mike. They waved back hearing to their own cars while Jacob ran around the front of the truck and got in. He started it up and right away started driving towards the Res. "What are we doing tonight?" I asked moving closer to him letting his body warm mine. 

"I thought we could have a picnic on the beach. Then the pack were going to come and have a bonfire." He answered holding my hand in his. "I also got a bigger mattress so we can both fit." 

"I'm really surprised that our dads are letting us stay alone." I looked at him. His hand on the steeling wheel turned white as he gripped it harder. 

"Why?" He asked briefly meeting my eye before looking back at the road. 

"My dad had the talk with me this week." His lips turned up in a smiled and turned back to me. 

"Funny how my dad had the same talk with me last night." He laughed. "When we haven't even discussed it ourselves." Which was true. Sex had never been mentioned in our relationship. The only time I had ever talked to someone about sex was Edward and he said that it could never happen for us. I wonder if that was the same for Jake. 

"Can we... Have sex?" He asked. 

"Yes. What kind of question is that?" He asked. 

"Well with Edward we couldn't. Because he was so strong he could kill me. I just wanted to know if it would be the same with you." 

"No. I can control myself." I really doubted that. He looked over at me. "Are you on birth control?" He questioned. 

"No. Should I get on it?" I asked him. Before we do anything I want to make sure we're both protected. I would be more than willing to do it. Of course it was my choice but I was nervous about it. 

"Only if you want to." He shrugged. 

"I'll call and make an appointment with my doctor." He pulled up to his house and right away got out pretty much forgetting about the conversation we just had. He opened the car door for me before walking in front of me to open the door to the house. 

"Okay let's make some sandwiches and such for our picnic." He smiled going to the fridge and grabbing a bunch of stuff. I put my stuff in his room. The mattress he got barely fit in his room and was on the floor but it looks cute. I walked into the kitchen and started cutting up the fruit he got out while he made the sandwiches. "What kind do you like?" He asked. 

"Turkey." I answered. After he made our sandwiches he pulled out some mason jars and filled them with ice and tea. He then packed everything away into a little bag he had and set it by the front door. I watched as he walked around the house and grabbed a few blankets before also setting those at the front door. 

"Are you ready?" He asked. I nodded moving towards him. He grabbed my hand while carrying everything else in the other hand. 

"Are we going to walk?" I asked. As we walked by our cars and headed down the street. He didn't answer my question but it was answered as he just kept walking. When we got to the beach he set out both blankets on the rocky shore before sitting down then helping me sit. I opened the bag and started laying everything out. He quickly started eating while I admired the ocean. It was dark as it normally was and we still hadn't gotten around to cliff jumping. "When are we going to jump?" I asked unwrapping my sandwich and taking a bite. 

"You still want to do that?" He asked. I nodded as I chewed. "We shouldn't. You could easily get hurt. I can heal quick, you can't." He answered looking over at me before popping a grape into his mouth. 

"You're no fun." I pouted finishing my sandwich and opening a bag of chips. 

"I'm not letting you get hurt because you're reckless." He leaned into me a little. I leaned back as he wrapped his arms around me. He was silent as we listened to the waves hit the shore. Being held in his arms was nice. He was warm, and strong. I felt safe. 

The pack slowly started to trickle in. First it was Quil, then it was Seth and Leah. Embry wasn't far behind them. Emily came in with food of course with Sam carrying even more food behind her. Paul and Jared came together. Jacob cleaned up our picnic before we headed over to join the group. 

"So it's true." Embry commented looking at us raising his eyebrows. 

"What?" I asked. 

"You're his girlfriend." He said more of a statement than a question. 

"Yeah." I confirmed with a smile looking at Jake who looked smug. He kept his arms wrapped around me as Sam built the fire. Leah sat beside us with Seth on the next log next to her. Emily handed out sticks so we could roast marshmallows but Paul was hogging the bag of them. 

The conversation shifted around a lot but I wasn't really paying attention to what anyone was saying, I was watching the fire and trying to remember what it felt like to be sad. With Jake, I couldn't remember. 

 

On Sunday I cooked breakfast for us before cleaning up the house that we had somehow made a mess of. I organized the movies, put away blankets, picked up dirty towels off the floor. When Charlie got home today, we would be going over to the shelter to pick out a dog. We had gone to our house a few times to check on the cat throughout the weekend. He didn't seem to mind having the space to himself. 

Jacob cleaned up from breakfast while I gathered my stuff up. I needed to go home and study for finals for at least a few hours and I'm sure he was going to want to spend some time alone too. But of course when it came time for me to actually leave, he had a difficult time moving his hands off my hips and his lips away from mine. 

"Jacob." I giggled. "I really have to go." I whispered against his lips as my arms were wrapped around his neck. 

"Just promise to call me later." He smiled. 

"I promise." I pulled away from him and he reluctantly let me go. He walked me to my truck before giving me one last kiss. He watched me pull away before heading back inside. I'm sure he had some pack stuff he needed to deal with today. 

When I got home I quickly set out some food for Lou before started a load of laundry. I quickly got the crock pot out to start making a chicken that we could eat for dinner. I seasoned it before heading upstairs to shower. After my shower I sat at my desk to start studying. 

I lost track of time and heard Charlie come in the front door. 

"Bella?" He called up the stairs. I came out of my room and stood at the top of the stairs not trusting him to not smell like a fish market. 

"Hey! How was it?" I asked. 

"Great." He answered as he took his boots off. "I put the fish in the freezer. I'm gonna shower and then we'll head over to the shelter. Is that good with you?" He asked. 

"Yup." I smiled. I heard him move the laundry to the dryer before started the dryer and the washing machine assuming he was washing his stinky clothes. 

"How was staying with Jake?" He questioned. I wasn't going to tell him that we didn't have sex because that's not something you discuss with your father but I'm sure he would be relieved to know we were going to wait until I was on birth control to go that far. But I wasn't going to tell him that either. 

"Good. We just mostly hung out with his friend." I answered. It was partly true. On Friday we hung out with his friends but on Saturday we went out for breakfast then went to my house to check on Lou. At some point on Saturday we debated going and destroying the Cullen's mansion but decided against it. Then we spent the rest of the night making out and watching movies. 

"That's fun." He commented before going to shower. I finished up studying while he did and changed my clothes so that we could go out. While he was getting dressed I called Jacob who wasn't home so I was glad he was out doing something. It felt nice that we were able to do things without the other and weren't attached at the hip. 

"Ready, Kid?" Dad asked coming down the stairs fully dressed. "I want a big dog." I knew that he had been doing tons of research about dogs and breeds. I knew he wanted a dog that was older. The wanting a bigger dog was news to me but it didn't matter to me. As long as the dog got along with Lou I didn't mind what kind of dog he got. 

He insisted on driving my truck to the shelter which I was fine with. I wasn't sure if the process for a dog was the same as the cat but I'm sure they would trust the chief of police to take care of the dog. He got so excited as soon as we pulled up. There were a few cars in the parking lot that I noticed. 

When we walked inside he was greeted by name. That happened pretty much everywhere we went. 

"Back for some more animals?" The woman who helped me before asked making me chuckle. 

"Yeah. My dad wants a dog now." 

"Your dad is Charlie Swan?" She asked shuffling through some brochures that she was putting in the front window. 

"Yeah." I smiled. 

"And what about that other guy you came in here with last time?" She questioned. 

"Oh my boyfriend, Jacob." I smiled making her smile. 

"I knew it!" She shouted making me laugh. Charlie was talking to another worker who started walking away to show him where all the dogs were. I quickly followed behind so that I could also see what breeds of dogs they had. We walked around looking at each dog. There weren't many here. A few had already been adopted which made my heart happy knowing that they would be going home. I had questioned why they weren't taken home right away and it was because the family was surprising their children with the dog and needed to prepare their homes. Our home was ready at any point to bring a dog into it. 

"How about this one Bells?" Charlie called. I turned the corner and saw a massive Bullmastiff. She was five years old, enjoyed children, loved other dogs and animals and best of all, was house trained. 

"What's her story?" I asked the worker. 

"She was a Christmas present. Then as she got bigger the family couldn't handle her." She answered opened the gate. "Her name is Daisy." She smiled. Lou and Daisy. It was kinda cute. I stepped into the gate behind Charlie. "We have a family room if you wanna play with her in there." I wasn't sure how we were going to sit on the floor and play with a 100 pound dog. Her tail wagged as she watched the worker bring her into the family room. I sat on a chair while Charlie stood. She sat right in front of me waiting for me to pet her. I ran my hands over her ears and scratched her head just as I had done tons of times to Jake while he was wolf form. 

"I like her." I smiled at Charlie. She was super sweet but also very calm. I think she would be the perfect addition to our family. He squatted next to her running his hand over her back. I could tell he right away fell in love with her. He went to the front desk with the worker and they left me with the dog. She laid down on the floor and I got down on the floor with her wrapping my arm around her. She stuck her head into my neck making me giggle. 

It seemed like forever before Charlie came back. 

"She's ours." He smiled. I wasn't sure how she was going to fit in the truck with us. "I bought a leash here and a collar but we gotta go get dog food." He was so excited as he put the collar around her neck. She got excited and jumped onto him nearly knocking him over. "Down, girl." He said. I loved how excited she got as we headed outside with her. I got into the truck first and then he got her in. She was nearly crushing me the entire car ride but I didn't mind one bit. 

I stayed in the car while Charlie ran into the store to get her some toys and food. At some point while he was gone she laid down and took up the whole seat. I tried to move her over when he got in the car but I wasn't strong enough so he had to shove her. 

"I think Billy, Sue, and the kids are gonna come over for dinner tonight. Should we make some fish too? I know you have a chicken cooking." He commented as he drove.

"Sure." I smiled. When we pulled up to the house Jacob and Billy were on the porch. I smiled as I got out of the car with Daisy following behind me. 

"Hey." I smiled standing on my tippy toes to kiss Jacob quickly. "Wanna take her on a walk with me?" I asked. 

"Is she yours?" He asked grabbing her leash from me. I held her collar to keep her off of Billy so she wouldn't hurt him. 

"Yeah." I smiled holding his free hand as we walked around the back of the house. She was sniffing everything. She did go to the bathroom but I think I was just delaying her from meeting the cat. I wasn't sure how he was going to react and I didn't want her to get too excited and scare him. 

"I can hear our dads talking about us." He mumbled as I followed behind him admiring his back in the shirt he was wearing. 

"What are they talking about?" I took a few steps to stand close beside him so his body heat could keep me warm. 

"They are questioning what we really did this weekend." 

"I tried to hint to Charlie that we didn't do that but I don't think he believes me." Our conversation was cut short by Seth coming into the yard. 

"Hey, guys." He smiled. Leah was behind him. Seth right away went over to the dog but Leah stood next to me. 

"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked her. Recently she seemed to be doing much better. Of course her father having a heart attack suddenly and passing was difficult. It didn't help that she was in a pack with her ex-boyfriend. 

"I'm alright." She gave me a half smile. Seth took the leash from Jake so he could run with daisy. "My mom brought food so you don't have to make fish." She said. 

"Oh that's great. I also made chicken for whoever doesn't like fish." I sat down on the back step we had. Jacob moved so he could hold my hand while Leah sat next to me. We watched Seth throw a stick for Daisy. "How's Seth doing?" I asked. Seth had embraced the wolf life a lot easier than the rest did. He enjoyed the speed and the strength. For Leah it was much harder. I couldn't imagine having every thought that has ever crossed my mind being shared with a group of teenage boys. 

"He's good. He's handling this really well." She answered. "Wish I was handling it as well as he is." 

"Everyone grieves differently. You don't have to heal quickly." I commented. "You're allowed to let it hurt." 

"It's not even that." She whispered. "There's things that being a wolf changes about your body. At least it changed mine." She answered. I looked at her confused but she didn't speak up. 

"Leah can't get pregnant." Jacob commented. "If she were to get pregnant and phase, it could cause damage. So naturally her body stopped ovulating." 

"Well, if you stopped do you think it would be possibly?" Having kids had never been on my mind but she was engaged to be married once so I'm sure kids were on her mind. 

"I'm not sure. I'm hoping." She answered. We stayed outside until it was nearly dark before going inside. Lou was laying on the couch when Daisy came in. She walked right over and pushed her nose into him. He didn't seem to care about her and continued his nap. Jake lifted him to sit on his lap. I help Leah and Sue in the kitchen. 

I made a plate for myself and Jake before sitting on the living room floor with my plate on the table. Leah did the same while Jake and Seth sat on the couch. Daisy was taller than the coffee table and she was very interested in my chicken. I gave her a few pieces but watched her closely to make sure she wasn't trying to steal off my plate. 

After I ate I fed Lou and Daisy. We set up Daisy's bed in the living room but I was more than willing to let her sleep in my bed with me. Sue, Seth and Leah all left right before Billy and Jake did. Of course our goodbyes always take forever so Billy was in no rush to say goodbye. 

Once they left I cleaned up the kitchen and headed upstairs to bed. Daisy followed and jumped on the bed before making herself comfortable. I got into bed beside her with a book before I heard a soft tapping on the window every few seconds. She sat up and growled when I went over and opened the window. Jacob came flying in the window with a quiet thud on the floor. We were both silent to make sure Charlie didn't hear him. 

"Couldn't stay away?" I asked sitting on the bed. 

"Never." He smiled leaning down to kiss me pushing me back on the bed and hovering over me. I wrapped my arms around his back as we kissed. "I just missed you in my bed." I smiled as he laid beside me but because Daisy took up half the bed I was half on top of him. I threw my leg over his waist and was able to get closer to him so Daisy wouldn't be disturbed. 

"I'm almost done with school and then we can have late nights." I smiled up at him. Of course college started in August so we only had a few short months before I would be packing my life up and moving into a dorm room. Of course we had made plans for him to come every other weekend to see me. It was going to be difficult leaving him. But he promised me that he was going to go back to school and he was going to try and start a mechanic shop on the Res. 

He kept quiet but was gently rubbing my back with the tips of his fingers. I wasn't sure if I should say anything to him so I kept quiet. He reached over and shut the light off and then kissed my head. His final goodnight. 

The next morning Jake was gone and so was Daisy. I quickly got up and got ready for school. I knew that most of today would be preparing for finals. Seniors only had half days everyday this week as most of our classes were finished. Friday was our official last day. 

Before I left for school I called my doctor and made a doctors appointment. They were able to squeeze me in for 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Charlie seemed concerned as I made the call. I would head right to my appointment after school. 

"How come you're home today?" I asked. 

"I'm taking today off to stay home with Daisy." He commented. "I just wanna make sure she's okay." I nodded slipping my shoes on. 

"See you in a little." I answered leaving out the front door and shutting it behind me before running through the rain to the truck. 

Just as I said school was mostly preparing for finals and Jessica asking all about my weekend. She did not seem satisfied about us just hanging out. It wasn't like I was going to rush to the phone to tell her as soon as the "intercourse" happened. That's how she put it. I'm sure Jacob would tell his friends, he was very proud of the fact that we were dating and was going to show off to them at any chance but I didn't feel as comfortable doing that.

"So you really didn't do it after having the house to yourselves for two nights?" She asked. She almost seemed disappointed as if it was her night alone with her boyfriend. 

"It really didn't happen. We're going to wait." I answered as we walked to our cars. "He's younger than me. I don't want to push anything when he may not be ready for that." I wasn't going to push anything on Jake no matter how ready I was. "I gotta go though. I have a doctors appointment." 

"Is everything okay?" She asked. 

"Yeah just going to get birth control." I answered unlocking the car. I would give her a little bit of something to keep her going until tomorrow. I said my goodbyes before heading to my appointment. I had to fill out some paperwork so I was thankful I got there early. 

I was nervous as soon as I was sitting on the table thing in the doctors office. I knew that she was here to protect me and make sure I didn't have any unwanted pregnancies. I knew she wouldn't judge me for wanting to get on birth control and protect myself. 

"Isabella." She smiled coming into the room. "How are you?" She asked sitting down looking over my chart. We had everything transferred from my doctor in Arizona so that she could keep up with my history. 

"I'm good." I smiled. 

"What can I help you with today?" She asked setting the chart down and looking at me. 

"I was hoping to get on some type of birth control." Something that I can hide from Charlie. 

"I see. Are you sexually active?" She opened the chart back up and flipped through a few pages and grabbed a pen. 

"Not yet but it's getting pretty serious with my boyfriend and I wanna be protected on both ends." I answered truthfully. 

"Okay, we can do that. Your insurance covers all types of birth control. There's pills which you take daily, there is an insert into the uterus, and then there is something in your arm. We can do each in the office right now. Pills you'll have to get at the pharmacy." She commented. "Of course all of them have side effects but most girls your age now go for the one in the arm. That way you don't have to worry about infections, or your parents finding your pills." I know Charlie wouldn't care about pills but I wanted to keep this from him.

"I think I'll go for the one in my arm." That way we wouldn't have to worry about me actually taking a pill. 

"Alright. I'm just gonna have you sign some paperwork and I'll go grab it." She answered handing me the paperwork to sign. It was pretty much just giving them permission to do it. She came back with it and it was a simple procedure. She made me wait a little to make sure I was okay before sending me on my way with instructions. She did tell me that it wouldn't naturally start to work for a week and to be careful if we were to have sex before then. 

I headed home after that and quickly went inside and was greeted by Daisy. 

"Hi, girl." I smiled petting her while also taking off my shoes. 

"How was your day?" Charlie asked. I had to keep my sweatshirt on until I got upstairs and was able to take the gauze off my arm or he would question it. 

"Good." I smiled. 

"Your mom called. She'll be here for your graduation. Her and Phil are going to fly in next week." He commented. "They're going to get a hotel room in town." 

"That's great." I smiled. I really couldn't believe that it was coming up that quickly. "I'm sure Jacob will want to come too so save him a seat." 

"Of course." He answered. "I was going to order Chinese for dinner. Will you be here for dinner?" 

"Yeah I'll be here." I commented heading up the stairs but I grabbed the phone on my way to call Jacob. 

"Hello." I could hear his smile into the phone.

"Hey, Jake." I smiled. "How are you doing?" I asked. 

"Good. Just applied for a job at a shop in town." I could tell how excited he was about it. "I'll hear from them next week." 

"Sending positive thoughts." I smiled. "I got on birth control today." I suddenly inserted into the conversation. 

"That was fast." He laughed. "How long does it take to kick in?" He asked. 

"A week. The doctor said to just use condoms before then." It felt weird talking to him about this. I wasn't sure if he felt weird but I sure did. Of course we were a couple and we both knew this was eventually going to happen. I wanted us both to be prepared and not have any surprises when it came down to it. 

"Okay, see you in a week." He joked. 

"Ha ha." I rolled my eyes. "Just thought I would let you know. I get off early everyday this week so let me know if you wanna hang out." 

"Wanna do lunch tomorrow?" He asked. 

"I would love to." I smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

"See you. Bye." He hung up after that. I spent the rest of the afternoon studying and going over study packets. 

Lately life seemed to be changing very quickly and the fast it was changing, the more anxious I got. But I couldn't wait to see where this brought me. I was excited for it. I was excited about college and about seeing where my relationship with Jake went. One day at a time. 

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