Letters To No One

Dear Friend,
I hope this letter finds you well. In the hands of someone else, life can get a little rough. Sometimes we lose ourselves along the way, never really knowing what lies before us. When we wake from our slumber, teeth bared at the world as we allow our scars to heal, we find that the truth had been as plain as the dawn of each morning.
Our journey sometimes lead us to one another, or apart, even at times against the ones we care for the most. May one day we all find our light in the dark.
Your Usual Ghost

Author's note

Sometimes I'll sign as SS, Amour Fallen, even Elixir. For we are all the same person. Hope this finds you well... Whether it be a complete collection or not. Cheers to a good life.

5. To No One

August 1st, 2020

I am terrified. I don't know what to say. I don't know where to even begin, but I am afraid. I am afraid to rewrite this story. I am afraid to skip details, I am afraid to put myself back in the narrative. I am afraid to try and find any of them in the characters, finding myself in the characters again. I am afraid of what I will turn into a once epic tale into a drowning mess of what I feel like right now. 

To say in the least, I know that there are no 'real friends' in my life right now. No one checks on me, I am the one doing the checking. I feel like I've emptied my bucket into the people I've written to and so much more, but I am afraid to get back into this world I once felt safe in. Sometimes, I believe that I deserve this. Sometimes I believe that I was better off with them, no matter how bad it got, compared to where I am now... Alone. 

I feel like this is something that was a long time coming. I feel like that there's nothing that I could do to right my wrongs and feel like someone out there actually cares about me. I want to be able to value these friendships I have loved and I have lost, taking into account that my own faults were allowing it to happen or allowing it to carry on for so long without correction like I did. I was naive to believe that some could change, too afraid to stand up for myself when things seemed off, and mostly neglecting and promoting my own self doubts onto others rather than being a listener. 

I have the capabilities to be a good friend, I feel it's buried under all the things that I have done wrong that play out in my head whenever I think about it. I hope one day I don't feel alone anymore. 

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