The Difference

*Sequel to The Proposition*
Alexandra Henderson is back. After four weeks filled of doctors appointments and psychiatrists to help with her anger issues, she returns to Valley Heights sixth form. She wants to get back into her life, rekindle old friendships and relationships... but things have changed. People are different and things have happened in those four weeks more than Alex ever thought they would.

But is her old life really what she wants? Isn't it time she moved on to something new? She feels different too, after all.

-Cover made by Zireee-


1. One


~Chapter One~

"How do you feel about going back tomorrow?"

I turned my head towards my mum as I pulled a cereal box off the shelf. I handed it over and tried to smile.

"I feel fine," I replied as she dropped the cereal into the shopping trolley.

She cast me a look over her shoulder before she pushed it along the aisle. "You sure?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it's been four weeks. It will be nice to go back." We continued on our way through the shop.

I was telling the truth. I was kind of itching to get back but I couldn't deny that I was also nervous about it. It wasn't like I wasn't caught up with work, the teachers had sent some to me over the weeks I had been off. I was more nervous about seeing everyone again. Daz and Evan namely. I didn't know how they would react to my reappearance.

It had been a long four weeks full of doctors and psychiatrist visits. I'd tried numerous anger coping strategies and they'd tried different drugs on me. It had been a bit rocky to start with. I kept telling myself it would be, it wasn't going to be easily fixed. But after four weeks I now felt a bit better. I was on a medication which seemed to do something and I felt overall a lot calmer. I was just scared that would change the second I walked back through the door into school.

"I think it might be weird for a while," mum commented as we turned a corner into the bread isle.

I shrugged a little. "It's still the same sixth form, teachers and people."

"Yeah, but you, you're different aren't you?" she continued contemplatively.

I didn't give a verbal response. I was different but I was still me. I was just a better version of myself now, wasn't I? I could control my anger a lot more and I wasn't going to constantly be scared of an outbreak. That was a good thing I thought.

We remained quiet for the rest of the shopping trip, packing up our food into bags and heading out to the car. I watched the houses pass in the window and thought about tomorrow. It would be fine, I kept telling myself. It would be fine.

Mum parked up in the driveway and Mark came out to help with taking the shopping in. I smiled at him as I opened the boot up and passed him a bag. Our relationship was noticeably different. Deep down I knew I was still annoyed that mum had made us up and leave our own home to live with him, but I was dealing with it better now. I was less furious at him all the time. I was accepting that we lived here now, my life was here and I had to deal with it. Now I wasn't so angry all the time I could hopefully form a much better life for myself.

I was excited about it. Maybe I could actually rekindle my friendship with Evan and a relationship with Daz. I could do that all without living in so much fear that I was just going to burst in to anger at the slightest thing they did and ruin it. I wasn't going to ruin things anymore. I had made myself a promise not to. I was going to get my old life back but I was going to be happy this time.

I made my way upstairs to my room. I'd moved it around a bit. Coloured the walls a different shade of blue. My therapist had said it might help make me more comfortable and open to change. And I think it had. I knew it was just a new wall colour but it helped me see a different view on life. Things could be changed.

Switching the TV on for background entertainment I flopped down on the bed and grabbed a book. Before I had been so quick to grab my phone, spend hours wallowing as I scrolled through social media. I hadn't been on social media for a few weeks now. The therapist had suggested that too. I didn't need any distractions from others when my brain was so full. Now it felt a bit clearer, there was less shit swirling and swirling around in it, but I still didn't feel as inclined to fill my time with endless scrolling.

I think it was a way to cope. I would scroll and tap and scroll for something to do because I didn't feel like doing anything else. I had been so tired, all the time. The therapist had said it happens to people. Anger issues can be a sign of depression too. It explained why I had sometimes felt so unmotivated. They put me on some antidepressants too, I think it just generally helped with my mood and led me to calmer feelings. Then it was easier to hold the anger back.

I'd tried so hard to live without taking any medication but I knew I couldn't handle myself anymore. Now I could. Things were going to be a lot better. As I slipped off to sleep that night I was excited, excited to go back into the world with a clearer head on my shoulders. 

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