My name is Hanna i have a twin brother Hart , i was born dead basically and i was diagnosed with lunge cancer since i was only 3 months old ......


5. Chemotherapy

A month later

Every month I have chemotherapy session and today I do, and this is the first time Hart won’t be there with me he has football match today and he can’t miss it plus Chris will be there with me, but still it’s going to be different, usually after every session Hart would download a movie on his laptop and we would watch a movie and he would buy pizza and I wouldn’t be able to eat anything but it’s the thought that counts.

Rosita is scared of injections so I can’t let her stay there with me, and my best friends are busy cause it’s Friday so I’m alone today, as I’m getting ready I heard a car honk in front of our gate I look out of the window and I saw the guys waiting for Hart they look so excited, I heard Hart knocking my door I opened it and Hart looked so nervous and guilty, I just hugged him tight to calm him down

“I’m sorry” he whispered, he sounded sad

“Good luck, I love you” I whispered in his ears not breaking the hug.

“Thanks, I love you too” breaking the hug, he just stared at me with a smile and messed up my hair and ran away.

“HANNA” I heard Chris calling me from down stairs.

“Geez, I’m Coming”

Once we walked out the door Rosita hugged me and kissed my forehead, “don’t worry mami, I’ll be back tomorrow” I told her.

I thought Hart and the guys left already but they parked their car next to Chris’s car waiting for us.

Once they saw us all of the guys got out of the car a hugged me I couldn’t help but hug them back and smiled, them I shooed them so that they aren’t late. We arrived at the hospital and I saw Noah and Adam waiting for us they made me soo happy

“Where’s Maria and Sara” I asked them

“They couldn’t make it” Noah said.

After the session was over I had to stay at the hospital for 24 hours Noah and Adam left 2 hours ago, I felt very weak and I wasn’t capable of moving whatsoever which is pretty what always happens after a session, it’s still weird without Hart being next to me but this match was important to him so it’s fine, I fell asleep after a few minutes.

I woke up finding all of the guys here and Hart , Hart was sitting next to me on the bed and Niall and Harry sitting at the end of the bed, Zayn Liam and Louis were sitting on the couch, they were all watching Friends, Hart saw that I was awake

“You’re AWAKE” he nearly shouted, I just smiled; I was still too weak to talk.

“Hi welcome back sleeping beauty” Louis said taking another slice of pizza.

“Hey Hun you look good just a few checkups and then you can do whatever you fancy” Chris said walking in happily

Hart and the guys waited in the waiting room till Chris is done, he took some blood out of my arm it doesn’t hurt any more I guess I got used to it and he checked my breathing pattern to check if it was stable and it wasn’t so that means he had to inject me with the solution, he hates it when he has to inject me with it because It kind of makes me weaker I hate it too but there really isn’t a choice , he just looked at me with a sad and disappointed look

“sorry Hun I need to inject you and you’ll have to wear the mask instead of the pipe” he looked really sad to see me like this, I just smiled and nodded, he went to tell Hart to go back home ,and he left to get the injection, I just started at the roof ,and it just hit me .

Am I willing to live the rest of my life full of weakness and pain and not being able to walk a short distance without stopping to breath, I just realized that I am going to live like I’m dying for the rest of my life I don’t …

“Hanna Hi, we just came to say good night we’ll stop by tomorrow” Liam said cutting me out of my deep thoughts.

“Bye” I finally spoke smiling, smiled back and I could see the rest of the boys waving bye-bye.

“Hanna do you want me to stay here with you” Hart said peeking his head through the door

“I’m fine go home’’ I managed to say, kissed my forehead and left.

Chris came in “Ready” I nodded and smiled

While I was asleep

I can see someone or is it something .no no its someone why is everything so dark I can’t see his face, wait why isn’t he moving what’s happening, I tried to say something but I couldn’t make a sound what’s happening ,why is he walking towards me now he’s scaring me I’m trying to run away I feel like I’m running but not fast enough he must be very fast , he’s soo close to catching me ‘where the hell am I, I’m feeling cold but I’m sweaty he’s getting closer and closer why can’t I see his face what’s happening , am I dying ,ohh shit I’m dying aren’t I no no I’m not ready not just yet , I need to get out of here’ I tried to scream as he’s reaching out his hand to grab me I can see myself crawling in the floor ‘what’s happening to me god’ I try to get away from him ‘why is he staring at me’ his face got so close to my face but still I can’t see his face ‘is it that dark why can’t I see his features why is his face so close to my face am I dead already, no I can feel someone holding me and shacking me ;what the hell am I’ .

I opened my eyes Chris was the one who was shacking me, thank god it as just a dream, I am sweating a lot, I started crying that was terrifying Chris hugged me tightly

“Hey hey its okay it was just a nightmare you’re okay, now stop crying” I couldn’t stop I was terrified because it didn’t feel like I was dreaming, it felt like I was trapped and something was hunting me.

Once I cooled down Chris took me to the park outside and we waited for Hart to come pick me up, Chris has a meeting

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare” Chris asked

I shook my head; I was too scared to even think about it, too scared to shut my eyes. Hart hugged for behind my back to kind of surprise me but he ended up scaring me, looked worried but shrugged it off when Chris told him “she isn’t feeling well today”

“Oh okay” Hart responded after a long pause.

The ride back home was silent not uncomfortable silence just silent, Hart parked his car in front of McDonalds and went to get us ice cream, and He always knows how to cheer me up.

We got back home Rosita was happy when she saw me she cooked my favorite meal for lunch , we ate and then Hart left he said he had a date with a girl he met at school; me Rosita and Chris watched a movie and then Rosita left,

“What happened in that nightmare” I knew he wasn’t going to let it go, so I told him everything I saw.

“Then honey that’s not a nightmare that’s called ‘sleep paralysis’ ” I was confused

“And what is that?” I asked him, he sighed and explained what it was to me and told me that there isn’t a cure for it which made me overwhelmed by this.

I just told him that I’m not hungry and I’m going to sleep, he gave me my pills and said good night.

I feel like I really can’t deal with everything I’m so tired and weak and I feel useless, I miss my parents I haven’t seen them in a while, Rosita always tells me that they are working a lot to make sure I get the best doctors and the best hospitals and they are trying to make sure I’ll recover from this; but guess what I’m sick of it I don’t want any of this.

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