Ghost Of You

One plane ride

One last time to reflect on what went wrong

One last time to remember what went right


I didn't want to dance alone. I didn't want to walk into an empty house. I didn't want this relationship to die, I didn't want Luke to become a ghost.

This is our story. From beginning to end.

The story of Anna May and Luke Hemmings.

©All rights reserved

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1. 1

We board the plane and I silently slip into the seat opposite him. I hate flying. I can't even pretend to like it. I can't even pretend to enjoy it even though I'm on a private aircraft and it's meant to be the safest way of travelling. If I could have got a boat back from Australia to the states I would have done it in a heartbeat, even if it took months or years! Anything but flying.

There's a small table separating us and I feel his hand on my knee as it bobs up and down anxiously. Outside a fine drizzle of rain sticks to the window and I question whether we should be flying at all. Is this really the safest way of travelling? How many planes have I been on in my lifetime? Twenty? Thirty possibly? Surely I'm cutting my chances fine?

I suppose I could pop a Valium, Chase it down with a shot of whiskey but that would send me into a haze of faraway. And I don't want to be faraway. I want to remember this, all of my time with him, no matter how small.

The air hostess greets us and once we are settled she runs through all of the safety procedures. I feel queasy when she talks about oxygen masks so I zone out. Taking in her striking features and comparing them to mine. She has jet black hair and beautiful blue eyes that could easily rival the depths of Luke's. I have light brown hair and deep brown eyes that are currently surrounded by deep set creases due to days of crying.

I push my hair behind my ear, aware that it is breaking free from my hair tie but I haven't had the energy to even style it. I haven't even had the energy to function.

Once all of the pleasantries and formal procedures are out of the way she asks if we would like a drink

"Coffee, black. One sugar please" I say politely and then I look at Luke who gives me a small smile before looking away

"Whiskey. On the rocks. As much as the glass will allow"

This gets a giggle from the air hostess but I don't know why. I must have missed the joke. Before she leaves I change my order of beverage to match his. If you can't beat them join them. That's the motto isn't it.

We are alone again and I'm aware of how exquisite this plane actually is! It's private, expensive and has a bedroom to the rear and a fully functioning bathroom area. I suppose most people would feel honoured, spoilt and almost like royalty, but maybe I'm just not like other people? Or maybe I'm aware that it doesn't matter how much money you have, if it's your time to go it's your time. Regardless of your mode of transport and how much it cost. I'm also aware that Luke and I are only here due to the lead up of the last few days. Too impatient to wait for a commercial flight, I watched him last night as he called his "people" to arrange this. We was meant to be having a wonderful time together in Sydney and yet, here we are.

I feel the tears spill into my eyes but they don't flow, I don't think I have any tears left now. The only way I can feel this pain is because it's heavy in my heart. I don't need to tears to prove I'm hurting.

The drinks are placed in front of us and I gratefully take a sip. Take off will be in twenty minutes, which means I have fifteen hours and twenty minutes left with him.

They say if you're anxious you should focus. So I close my eyes and allow my mind to take me back to when we met. That's it. I'll focus on him.

I rush around the backstage area whilst orders are barked to me through an earpiece and I take it out before I lose my sanity. I check my watch again and again and I realise that I will probably get fired if I can't find Joe. Joe, the lead singer of the band "The hopes" The support act that is opening for five seconds of summer, the support act that should be on stage in fifteen minutes!

"Joe? Hello? Joe!" My voice gets more and more frustrated and I look in rooms without knocking. I had one job. Look after the support act!

"You're looking for Joe?" Mark the bassist approaches me, hands in pockets and a smile on his face like he doesn't have a care in the world

"Yes! Have you seen him?"

He nods, and I mean just nods. My face goes from anxious to exasperated and he lets out a small laugh

"Oh sorry, yeah he's outback with Luke. He's having a cigarette before the show"

I run my hands through my hair and let out a long sigh! Partly relieved, more annoyed than anything

"Thanks Mark. Can you please start to make your way to the stage? I need your ear piece in asap" I start to walk to the exit and turn to find him watching me "seriously I mean it! Go!"

The night air hits me and for a moment all I can do is look up. Paris. The city of love and romance. The city that has the Eiffel Tower and from this exact spot I can see it so clearly. Tonight's gig isn't far from it at all and once I've finished work tonight I'm going to go and see it. But really see it up close. I can't believe I'm actually here!

"Oh dude, I am wasted!"

I follow Joes voice and just to my left past some bins there he is! Leaning up against them to keep his balance.

"You are joking? Please tell me you're joking! Joe?" I step forward and a lazy grin spreads across his face

"Anna! We love Anna. Don't we Luke?"

My night could not get any worse, It just couldn't!

I grab Joes shoulder but he shrugs me off like a petulant child

"Luke! How could you let him get like this! Seriously!" I remove my bag from off my shoulder and they both watch with curiosity as I take out a bottle of Evian, a light mist spray that promises to rejuvenate the face in record time and a packet of mints.

"I didn't let him get like this I swear! I made him come outside on the hope fresh air would sober him up!"

I give him serious side eye and literally make Joe chug the water whilst I throw his remaining beer into the drain

"Anna" I ignore Luke but he steps forward so I have to look at him "I'm sorry, Honestly I am. Please don't be pissy with me. How can I make it up it to you? Just say the word?"

My scowl turns into a defeated smile and I roll my eyes

"Just get him on stage and I'll think of something"

I see the relief on his face and somehow my panicked state starts to fade away. And it's at that exact moment Joe vomits all over my converse trainers. I am mortified, I smell and my mood plummets once again. But apparently thats ok, because Joe declares "he feels much better now"

I open my eyes and Luke is watching me "What are you thinking about?"

I wipe the condensation from my glass and hesitate "I was actually thinking about our first date -"

He smiles sadly and leans forward "The actual date or the lead up to it? When Joe deposited a barrel full of beer onto you"

I laugh and look out of the window. We slowly move towards the run way and my stomach flips over

"Yeah getting puked on was the highlight of my job I must say!" I can hear the wariness in my voice and I'm tired. Not physically but mentally. I'm so so tired

"Luke ..." I hesitate before asking the question I'm scared of knowing the answer to "If you could go back, would you do this all again? Would you still have wanted there to be an us?"

He pushes his hair from off his face and then sighs sadly before taking my hand in his

"I wouldn't change a damn thing Anna. Not the beginning anyway. I just would have tried harder for the rest of it"

A single tear makes its way down my cheek but only the one. And I allow that one tear because it must have fought hard to escape as I felt like I couldn't cry anymore. Maybe it's representing how hard we fought to get through it all, but in the end we had to admit to defeat. Just like we are doing right now.

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