Letters To Myself

Book cover made by Movellas user Lily Anna!

*Completed standalone YA novel approx 57,000 words*

Winner of Nanowrimo 2017!

Seventeen year old Morwenna is struggling as a student in her school's sixth form. On top of that, she has to deal with a creepy house nearby with mysterious visions, her Mum expecting a baby and exploring privately her sexuality and identity. When things get rough at home, she decides to leave and start afresh but at what cost? Written in a mixture of diary entries/letters, poetry and prose, Letter To Myself tracks the life of a young girl over the course of a single year.

Only edited for spelling and grammar mistakes, plotline has not been edited. Suggested readership is 15+.

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Dear Myself,

It’s Christmas! Well, technically as I sit and write this entry, it is the 27th of December so no longer Christmas. But honestly, the last few days have been simply magical. And all for some very romantic reasons. I had no idea that my girl was going to spoil me in the ways she did and her parents knew about it right from the start which how they didn’t spill the secret, I have no idea. Let’s start with the 23rd which was a few days after Snowy purred her way to everyone’s hearts.

I managed to get a few messages on my Twitter after that account I mentioned in my previous entry retweeted my picture of Snowy. They wanted to send her some cute blankets and toys for free! Obviously, I had to check that they were legitimate but then I wondered, because it is the festive period, the mail was going to be affected until after the New Year. But the biggest surprise was that one of the messages I got was from a company literally half an hour away and they would physically drop the parcel round the house which was amazing. So, I messaged them back and jumped into the shower. A loud knock brought me back to my senses after some daydreams about… Well, the one I love. She stood there with a puzzled look across her face with a massive box addressed to Snowy. Not to me, to the kitten. Adorable! Without stopping to dry my hair, I ran downstairs with the box and opened it up for everyone to see. What was sitting, wrapped pretty with gorgeous bows were some cute blankets, kitten treats and toys and then something for me. On unwrapping the gift, I gasped out loud. It was a matching necklace and charm bracelet set with kittens on it! Obviously, I can’t wear jewellery to my placement but I can on other times. But I was blown away with this little surprise. Michelle looked happy for me but with a quick flash of sadness in her eyes, I could tell that her Christmas present to me was some bling.

Later the same day, she was sitting on the edge of her bed and not looking comfortable. I sat next to her and in response, she rested her head on my shoulder, wanting to feel secure and close, keeping her safe and sound. She craved comfort and love which was what I was going to give her. Diary, do you think that is the best kind of present? I think so. Suddenly, Snowy jumps onto the bed with a meow and pounds her way over with her tiny paws over to Michelle. She knew that my girl was having a down day and climbed onto her shoulder like a parrot. We were both laughing as Snowy cling on for dear life with her mews of content. That was a firm reminder that my girl was loved and wanted, not ignored and forgotten.

On Christmas Eve, the parents left early to do a last minute food shop while I climbed onto the computer chair and spent a few hours typing some new blog posts and a few new story ideas down before they left my brain. Next year, I have plans to keep up my creative writing but now, I’m starting to think about doing a course in it. They do have some free ones online but doesn’t quite feel the same as meeting others face to face. That way, you can easily swap your writing round to get firm feedback instantly and not have to wait like a few weeks for it. Michelle was in bed with Snowy, browsing through all of the random movies on Netflix and daydreaming about her adventures with me hopefully in the future. It was wrong of me not to help the parents when they got back from shopping but it was right of me instead to finish wrapping all of the presents up for the following day. I like how Michelle and her parents don’t really go overboard with Christmas. They are decorations here and there but nothing too over the top for me to gloat over. Popping on a Spotify Christmas music playlist, I accidently ended up playing some sweary hip-hop that Michelle started rapping along to as a joke which resulted in loud laughter and one confused kitten.

I couldn’t sleep that night so, I wrote a little poem instead about a girl who dreamed for a happy holiday and watching the stars on a frosty night. It’s quite crappy but just for the festive cheer, I’m going to include it here.

Dreamt

She dreamt of a happy holiday

One that dazzled under the winter sky

When darkness prevailed during the long nights

Far away from the weather of warm sun

Moments to look back on

With a smile but not complete

Something needed to greet

The longing she hid deep inside

Away from the adults of her life

Happiness at Christmas time

The final chapter so happy and fine

That was all she wanted

Never to face any sorrow

That’s why the night before that day

She sat and watched the stars again

Longing, hoping, needing

For the moment she felt joy

Touch her soul

Make her feel whole


On Christmas Morning, I felt something touch the side of my bare cheek. Turns out that Michelle put Snowy on my face as a joke. Thanks! But I felt no anger, mainly just pure amusement. She spotted this poem which had fluttered onto the floor and read it quickly before handing the piece of paper back to me. It was good, she whispered into the depths of my ear. Words that have remained in my brain until this moment that I started writing. I felt so excited to spend this day with her, so, I gestured towards a stack of presents on the floor which she carefully picked up and bought over to the bed.

Both of us opened ours together in private because that was what we wanted. Her parents didn’t mind us cuddling and kissing but it was more safe for us to do it in a quiet place away from people. I had that secret santa present from that time but it didn’t count. She held in the palm of her hand, a bottle of perfume and a cute wallet with a cat on it. My little gifts that I secretly managed to order from right under her nose. In return, she hesitated for a moment and then handed over a small box. That was it? Just a small box? I remember asking her but she mentioned I had to open up to see what was inside.

When I did, a reflection of pure silver stared right back at me in the face. It was a locket, with our initials on it and inside, a little photo of the two of us sharing a kiss. I felt a single tear trickle down my cheek and land on the bed sheets with a silent plop. It was stunning, words physically couldn’t describe the moment that I reached over to pull her in and allowed her quick hands to place the locket on me that I vowed never to take off. Until I remembered that all humans have to sleep which in that case, I would have to remove it so that it didn’t rub my neck and leave a nasty mark across it. 

The day passed by in a blur, the rest of the presents I got were mainly books and chocolate. Nothing from the family but that’s another goal of mine for the next year. Not to dwell on the fact that I left home for good so obviously, there wasn’t going to be anything from them. The lunch was a roast but more of a buffet style instead of sitting in silence round a table and tuning into Classic FM to hear some carols. None of that whatsoever. Board games, movies, chases with Snowy and then, the moment where I invited Michelle in to spend the night with me. I won’t go into details about that night but I will say that it opened up my heart in ways that a year ago, I never could have predicted. We slept in each other’s arms, Snowy at one point must have pushed open the door to explore but no sign of her when dawn broke.

It was the happiest Christmas, now, the New Year approaches and a new chapter in my world will begin.

Yours,

Morwenna.   

 

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