What is happiness

What happiness is to me


1. Just here

Luckily, the sun is shining warmly from a beautiful, blue sky. I am sitting here on a wooden bench painted in the loveliest green color, I have ever seen. It is the best day of my life because today is the first spring day. For the first time in a very long period, the sun is finally shining even though we are way into April. The wind is playing with my hair, slowly, like it doesn’t want to hurt me. I am sitting here on the beloved bench my brother and I have made some years ago. I am just sitting here, all by myself at the riverside, besides from my cat who is crawling all around the trees, jumping from one to another. The cold water comes from both sides of me - from the left and the right. It is like it is carrying me. I am weightless, like a bird termen to descends, closer and closer until it, at last, spreads its wing and rice up, beyond us all. I can sense it all; the giant trees around me, the birds who are singing from their hearts and the water rushing next to me, meant to be somewhere else. The grass beside me is desperately holding on as well as it can, tired because the streamis strongand is pulling at it. For the first time in months there is silence, but also, I can hear it all like it was the first time. I am not far from home, but long enough to feel miles away from everything. Right now, I couldn’t think about anywhere else to be. 

For the first time, I can feel it. The warmth, the feeling you get when you know that today is the day where everything just makes sense. To be honest, it has been way too long sinces I have last felt this way. Like I do not have a care here in life. It is like I am finally strong enough to stand up, pull the break and just enjoy the fact of being here all by myself, alive. I don’t know why it happens to me, or who I have to thank, but I am just so happy that I don’t have any worries right this second. 

It may sound like I am or have been depressed, if you look besides today, but in fact, I am just a girl. A girl who thinks way too much about everything. I want it all to have an answer or some kind of conclusion, but maybe it is not meant to be that way. Maybe we are not supposed to make sense. Maybe we are just here to live our lives as full as we possibly can without any purpose besides being happy. I think everything would be much easier if we just could get some kind of key. A yesor a no- and for once nothing between. But I also think that is the beauty of it all. Who has the answer, and who can I get them from? I am not naive or stupid, but I also know that I am not the only one who would love to get them. Just think about what we could do if we just would stop overanalyzeeverything and just live in the present without giving it a thought. But most of all I am happy that it isn’t that way. How would I decide why I am sitting here, right here right now? I wouldn’t feel this free if I do not have anything to be free from. I will give almost everything to feel like this once in a while, because it feels so good not to have anything to say or anything to give a purpose. Just being happy. Just happy.

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