i fell out of love when i was 20.

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  • Published: 10 Jun 2018
  • Updated: 12 Jun 2018
  • Status: Complete
just a quick dabble. enjoy


title inspired by album "i met you when i was 18." by Lauv

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2. ~

 

i. we met when we were kids. barely old enough to talk, we found comfort in each others company. you liked lego and i liked dolls and yet we fit so well together.

 

ii. we didn’t start school at the same time, despite the fact that we are the same age. i was sad for a while, because i was sure we would have ended up in the same class and then maybe school wouldn’t have been a hell or we wouldn’t have fallen out of touch. that’s what i thought back then at least.

 

iii. i realized life takes its toll on people when we suddenly stopped coming to each other’s houses. we lived so close and then suddenly our friendship was filled with bad excuses and long school days where i wouldn’t even see you.

 

iv. i fell in love with you at some point. i used to tease you and play with my hair when i was around you, but what i thought was merely a crush bloomed into more. i don’t know when it happened or how, but it did. i changed school and now i would only catch the occasional glimpse of you a few times a year. it broke my heart, but it wasn’t your fault.

 

v. a lot happened and i matured and i didn’t think about you for a long time. i fell in love, i got my heart broken, i lost friends and i got hurt, but i only grew stronger and stronger for each passing day. i went away for a year, but whenever i was home i hoped to see you on the street or hear my parents talk about how you were doing. it didn’t happen.

 

vi. we started college at the same time. i couldn’t walk the halls without seeing you everywhere and i both loved and hated it at the same time. we didn’t even say hi to each other anymore. it was just awkward now. i would pine for you from afar,  wondering what was going on in your life and wishing we could go back to the way we used to be. we would always catch each other’s eyes and though you never smiled i could feel my love for you bloom and flutter in my stomach. i often wondered how you felt, but i guess it will never really matter anyway.

 

vii. i graduated when i was 19. when you graduated a year later, i heard about it and could feel my chest hurt. i moved away when i was 20. i moved on. i was no longer reminded of you everywhere i went and i wouldn’t hear about you or accidentally walk into you. i moved on and though it hurt for a while, i let you go. i had to forget about you and move on with my life. though you hadn’t been a part of it for that long, you had left a big impact on me. i had fallen in love.

love doesn’t always last forever though, because i fell out of love with you when i was 20.

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