Breath & Shadow

A collection of my poems, some dark, some on the lighter side, some new, some previously published, and some I like to call "Brautigans," after one of my favorite poets. Hope you'll enjoy them!

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Author's note

Copyright © 2018 Antoinette McCormick

All rights reserved. This e-book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review.
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2. Sixteen Ways No One's Written about Scooby-Doo

I.

On a foggy night in
September
The only thing moving
With clockwork precision
Was Mystery, Inc.

 

II.

The Mystery Machine
Ran on eight legs and four paws
Even underwater

—Take that, Batmobile!

 

III.

What flavor is courage?
Does it squish or crumble
Between your fingertips?
Even a four-year-old knows
It's not vanilla.

 

IV.

Comic kismet's prima lex:

The most unlikely people in the world
Can be friends if one of them has
A van, one has contraband
And another has specs
That could signal
lien spacecraft.

 

V.

"Jeepers!"

—Danger-prone Daphne's so astute.

"Jinkies!"

—Sounds like Velma's found another clue.

Shaggy's met an oogly-boogly

—"ZOINKS!"

"Scooby Dooby Doo!"

 

VI.

Oh, unsinkable Slayer of Sunnydale,
Trade your glossy, golden locks for unnatural rose,
Your heels for purple platform boots,
And leave your Black Belt at home.
Your Watcher should have told you
Sleuthing's not a fashion show
A bitchin' soundtrack's all you really need
To catch those pesky spooks.

 

VII.

In the Zen of Scooby
There are three essential truths

(Which have nothing to do with Rube Goldberg contraptions
Monsters or masks, and everything to do with cold-cut-filled fridges
In haunted mansions):

Om...Nom...Nom....
Om...Nom...Nom...
Om...Nom...Nom...

 

VIII.

Fill in the blank:

I miss you ____________.

a) Withers

b) Dinkley

c) (Dude, it's a trick question.)

 

IX.

No one ever
Shit
In the Mystery van

No one ever
Bit it
In the Mystery van

No one ever
DID IT
In the Mystery van

No one.

Not.

Once.

 

X.

Oh, sway-backed omnivore,
Did you raise a January paw

When Iwao Takamoto
Rode to the Gardens of Blessing
Section 3, Lot 1390, Space 3?

Cut! Print!
That's a wrap 

Forever.

Amen.

 

XI.

Sarah Michelle Gellar once flew to Mexico
In a flowered, psychedelic wedding coach.
Apprehension overtook her
When she mistook
Dead Chico's only son
For Fred Jones.

 

XII.

Scooby loves Scooby Snacks,
Shaggy loves Scooby Snacks.
Hey, Klondike Bear,
What would you do
For a Scooby Snack?

 

XIII.

There's a hassle in the castle
And nowhere to Hyde

(That's your cue, Scooby Doo).

What the hex going on?
Which way is witch?

A gaggle of galloping ghosts
Couldn't say for sure.

Better mine your own business
Leave werewolf stuff alone

It's snow fun and it snot fair, but
Wen his annoit half-right have erred alight full?

 

XIV.

According to the Alimentary Law of Ingestible Physics
Any food left unattended in a Scooby Doo lunchbox
Will.... .... ... .. .

 

XV.

Everything I know about

(Somethin' strange)

Paranormal investigation

(When it don't look good)

I learned from

(Who ya gonna call?)

Uh... sorry, Scoob'.

 

XVI.

No apparition's ever very bitchin'
After the big reveal, so what's a poor
No-longer-numinous slob to do,
But sigh and say

"I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for you MEDDLING KIDS!"

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