I Only Want You (18+)

[sequel to head over heels]
Adrian has left her previous relationship with Justin after she finds out that another girl is the mother of his child. After walking out on him at the wedding, months later Justin decides he wants to rekindle their relationship to give it another try.


13. Feelings.

I got tired of waiting for him to be conscious. I poured another glass of wine throwing it on him. 


“Wake up asshole,” I said.


“Adrian, what the fuck! I got a massive headache, why am I tied up.”


“Because I’m sick of abusive assholes like you. I moved away from California for a fresh start to get away from all the mess I was into. Especially getting away from my abusive ex. I thought moving here would be a relief for me, but it’s not. I’m done being a victim Kyle. You fucked up big time by hitting me, leaving me this bruise on my face.”


“I’m sorry Adrian, I didn’t mean to do it. It was a reflex; I thought we were friends.”


“I thought we were too. I’ve heard it all, the I’m sorry’s, I didn’t mean it, it was just that one time. It was lies. I was stupid and naive, embarrassed that someone I thought I loved whooped my ass, he didn’t care who saw. Maybe it was my fault I don’t know, maybe I should’ve stayed with Justin I don’t know. At least he didn’t beat my ass. God, I’m so fucking stupid.”


“I’m sorry okay. About everything you’ve gone through. You’re an amazing girl. I was just jealous about the way you carried yourself last night.”


“I know you like me, Kyle; I’m not blind. I’m not getting into another relationship. I’m not ready; I’m a cheater, I cheated on my ex-husband with my ex-boyfriend. It’s complicated. Don’t fall in love with me; I’m not shit. Once you do fall in love with me, it’s hard to stop. Believe me; I’ve tried my best to make him move on. It’s not my fault. He’s amazing, and he took care of me when no other guy would. Treated me like royalty. It wasn’t about the money; it was about his charm. And how sweet and funny he was”


“Sorry, who are you talking about. I’m getting confused between these three guys.”


“Justin. I’m talking about Justin. I will always love him but, I can’t. I can’t be with him” I said.


“What are you trying to prove Adrian? To yourself, if you love him and he loves you be with him. I get that you don’t believe in fantasies and forever but come on.”


“Mind your damn business okay. It’s more than just being with each other. I can’t. I want him and then I don’t, I’m tired of being confused, so I ended it. Anyways enough of him, this is about you. What is it that makes you put your hands on women? Saw your dad beat your mom when you were little? Perhaps a relative beating someone’s ass and you decide to mock them once you got older, please tell me why.”


“My mom's boyfriend was a meth head. He hated me; she would do anything for him. Not even her own son, you know it’s fucked up when someone you barely know gets more love than someone you’ve birthed and raised. She would kick me out for no reason because she thought I would be a burden to him. I seen him hit on her one time, she apologized for it, and she didn’t even do anything wrong. Just forget to get a pack of fucking cigarettes after she came home from work. I fucking hated him, I mean I was just twelve years old being kicked out of my home for that. We all have a story to tell Adrian; I know you’re no better than me.”


“I’m not. But just because you’ve experienced, that doesn’t mean you have to mock him. Taunting girls like me, is that what you want? Girls to be afraid of you, scared even to date you or marry you. Us women put up with a lot of shit, and we’re so strong that we hide it from men, we’re human too you know. We’re not your goddamn property, something you can just use and throw away. I thought about killing you. But it wouldn’t make me feel better; I’m trying to do better with my life. I just don’t want to see you ever again, but if I do hear you’ve hit another woman or worse, then I will kill you. That’s been promised a lot lately, but I do mean that” I said cutting the tape from his ankles and wrists. “Get the fuck out,” I said. He rubs his wrists getting up leaving. I sighed sitting the gun down on the countertop. I went upstairs and packed a few things for a couple of days. I grabbed my foundation powder to cover up the bruise, it was a tough one, so I blended it in with some blush. I headed to the airport walking towards the desk.


“I need a plane ticket to Vegas,” I said politely handing her my credit card. Soon as I got my ticket and my plane called, I was ready to leave and see Justin.


I was happy talking to Adrian today. She made my whole day; I couldn’t stop smiling. I called my assistant and told her to possible track the phone number she called me from, even though it was unknown. Hopefully, she gives me the good news. I’m sitting on the bed watching the basketball game, eating strawberries and berries until I heard a knock on the room door. I got up and looked through the peep hole, opening the door.


“Who are you,” I asked.


“Justin, it’s me. Adrian” She says taking off her sunglasses.


“Hey, hey oh my god come in,” I said inviting her inside. “I barely recognized you. You look different.”


“Yeah, I had to make a few changes. Don’t worry; I didn’t get plastic surgery I just cut and dyed my hair. I promised you I would visit.”


“Thank you. Can I get you something, water, beer? The manager hooked me up with a lot of things in the mini fridge.”


“I’m good. I missed you. It’s good to see your face. My dad asked about you, hoping you’re doing okay.”


“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just watching the basketball game I had nothing else to do today. It feels good to catch a break from this fame. I’m happy you’re here. Plan on staying a couple of days.”


“Actually, yes. But I don’t know yet; I may just stay one day and then leave tomorrow morning.”


“Okay, at least I get to see you that’s all that matters” I smile and hugged her, she hugs me back burying her head in my chest. I pulled away and kissed her head.


“You don’t have a boyfriend, do you? You did mention a guy friend.”


“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. Is that really what you want to talk about? We should catch up, I want to know everything that happened on tour” She said sitting on the bed.


“Okay. Well, you know how Scooter and I haven’t been getting along, we got into this big fight before the show. I don’t know he just gets under my skin now. He’s such an asshole; he still thinks I’m giving up everything because of you. I told him that you weren’t coming back and there was no chance we will ever see each other again.”


“I would’ve visited. Trust me it was hard not speaking to you for five months straight. I needed to clear my head and think.”


“I understand, I’m not the best person to be around.”


“What, are you crazy" She chuckles. "You are an amazing person to be around,” She says bumping her shoulder into mine laughing. I chuckled. We sat there for a moment of silence; I didn’t want to bring up the reason she moved in the first place to kill the vibe. I wanted to kiss her, touch her more, give her what she’s been missing. Wouldn’t that be a dick move? To up and have sex with her since she's back. I’m supposed to be a changed person.


“What are you thinking,” She asks.


“Nothing. Just puzzled that you’re sitting beside me. Hoping this isn’t just a dream I don’t want to wake up from.”


"Well, it's not a dream. Is there anything you want to ask me.”


“I want to know where you moved to. I deserve to know” I said.


“I can’t let anyone know where I am. It’s better for you not to know.”


“Don’t tell me what’s best for me. I’m worried about you. Are you in trouble? You can always tell me.”


“I know. Look I want to tell you, but..forget it.”


“Alright. Is there anything you want to ask me.” I asked. 


“Yeah, I want to know why you’re single.”


“I should ask you the same thing. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship either. You want me to move on from you, and that’s hard. If you really want me to, then, that means we’re just friends. Only as friends, no strings attached. You want us to be friends.”


“I don’t know. I don't know what I want,” She says, I chuckled sarcastically and kissed her pulling away. I couldn’t believe I did that; I didn’t know what she wanted me to do. I put my head down in shame, not knowing what to do. “Do it again” She smiles, I look at her and kiss her again. She grabs my face and shoves her tongue down my throat. I pull away and take off my shirt; she giggles kissing me again.




I opened my eyes seeing Justin sitting up in the bed, facing the television. I smiled and grabbed his hand.


“What’s wrong?” I asked.


“What’s that on your face,” He asks, I sat up seeing my makeup came off onto the pillow.


“Oh, this. I just ran into a pole.”


“Again with the lying,” He said throwing the sheets off of him getting up. “I thought we were gonna be honest Adrian. Five months and you’re still lying to me!” He says walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth.


“I was joking. I was gonna tell you. Let’s not start arguing okay, I’m sorry.”


“This isn't a joking matter. Who did that to you.”


“Why does it matter, I took care of it leave it alone, please,” I said getting up putting my pants on.


“I thought you were through with this; having guys hit on you. Are you letting them do this to you.”


“You of all people should know you just don’t let it happen! But you wouldn’t know what it’s like” I said.


“What does that mean? I may not know what it’s like, but why are you letting them do this to you.”


“I didn’t ask for it; you think I asked him to hit me. You think I like seeing myself like this. Like I asked Jason to hit me. No, I didn’t ask for it. No one asks for it, just like I wasn’t asking to be raped by him. God why is it so complicated with you, I’m here. Why isn’t that enough for you.”


“Because I thought the Adrian I knew would show up different. Not show up with fresh bruises. I’m gonna fix whatever Jason did to you.”


“I don’t need to be fixed! I’m not the Adrian you thought I was, I told you I took care of it, he won’t be a problem anymore trust me.” I said.


“What did you do? Did you kill him.”


“No. I told him I would if he ever done it again. Me or any other girl. I’m better than that, just know I dealt with it. Leave it alone.”


“Why you won’t talk to me? Tell me what’s going on with you. I want to help if you’re in danger.”


“I don’t want any help; I got this. I don’t want to tell you because you can’t take it. Just like you couldn’t take seeing a bruise on my face. He got jealous that I was surrounding myself around guys at the club. He thought I was embarrassing him, so he sucker punched me. It’s a tough bruise to cover up too, tougher than the one than Jason gave me” I chuckled.


“Why is this funny to you. I'm not laughing, this is serious.”


“I’m turning a bad situation into a good thing.”


“A good thing? Him hitting you is a good thing” He asks.


“No, but I did get something out of it. You won’t believe what I did. It felt so good to do that, knocking him unconscious. I hit him with an iron skillet; it was hot too. Never saw it coming. That’s what’s funny to me. He has this huge bruise on his face, worse than mine. You could’ve seen it. Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I should be more honest with you; I’m the one that said we shouldn’t be lying to each other and here I am doing just that. Don’t worry; I took care of that asshole. This is the last bruise that I will ever get and that you'll ever see; I promise you that” I said wrapping my arms around his waist looking into his eyes.


“You could’ve told me on the phone.”


“I know but, I wanted you to think I was okay. Do you forgive me.”


“No, I don’t forgive you” He pouted. I smiled and kissed him passionately, pulling away. “Maybe I forgive you; I’m still mad at you.”


“I know, and I apologize. I’m a fucked up person, and you’ll have to accept that”


“I don’t think you’re fucked up. You’re just figuring things out. You’re confused. What do you want Adrian? What do you really want, because it seems like you can’t make up your fucking mind.”


“I don’t know what I want.”


“What do you want,” He says raising his voice.


“I want you! I only want you, Justin. There I said it; I just don’t want to be hurt anymore.”


“Tell me why you’ve been running away from me? Is that it, is it me? Am I scaring you off with my overprotectiveness, with my love? Stop bullshitting me and tell me why you moved”


“I can’t tell you-“


“God could you stop dicking me around! I want an honest answer, the truth. Tell me the truth, the real truth. Why you keep leaving me.”


“Fine. Because I’m scared for you. I thought running off would make you think about your issues. You’ve changed Justin, you’ve changed every since you found out I was alive. You’re madly in love with me, and I’m madly in love with you. I didn’t want you hurt.”


“I’ve been hurt. I’ve been hurt since Adriana. But it seems that I’m the only person that actually gives a shit about her, it’s either people telling me to shut the fuck up about her or telling me to forget about her but you don’t just move on and forget about shit like that. She was a baby, an innocent baby who did no one any harm. You don’t talk about her or acknowledge her. I gave up on faith that day, but I never gave up on you. I never left you.”


“I know. I know, and I am so sorry Justin. I lost a baby too. I know you love her and you’re hurt because you think it was your responsibility. It’s not; Tori is going to rot okay we got justice for our baby girl. She’s dead Justin; I’m sorry about her. Killing your mom was not going to bring her back. I should’ve never spent the night at your house.”


“It’s not your fault.”


“Oh, and it’s yours? It’s not. I know I haven’t been talking much of her but. I honestly don’t know what she would’ve wanted; she was a baby. What would make you feel better about this”


“I don’t know. The reason I’m so stuck on this is that it terrifies me. I never want to relive that moment ever again. It's like a broken record in my head that plays over and over and over again. It fucks with me, that’s why I’ve been so pissed off and grouchy for the past few years. I'm trying to control my drug addiction, for you, but I’m not talking to a counselor, she’s bullshit, they’re all bullshit. I rather talk to you, we understand each other. No one will ever get me like you; no one will ever understand my pain. We’re going through the same pain. When I met you, I thought damn this is the girl. The girl to carry my children one day, the girl that I can give the world to. To stop guys from abusing her, raping her, taking advantage of her. I thought I could protect you forever, that feeling of you kissing me. I thought nothing can ever disappoint me, ever hurt me again. I felt like I was on cloud nine because of the way I felt when I was with you. No one has ever asked me how I’ve been or checked up on me when she passed. It’s always giving out orders and forgetting that it actually happened, that’s the reason I’m so done with this famous life. I opened up to you as I would with no other girl, I thought you were special. Someone who wouldn’t leave me for dumb shit I’ve done. Now you’re telling me, you can’t tell me the reason why you moved, as if I’ll tell anyone. Just know I’m there for you, whatever and whenever.”

I felt terrible because of what Justin has been going through. I was speechless. I’m the one that always express myself and rant about my feelings, but he definitely took it to another level.


“My dad thought it was best for me to leave town. He’s in hiding and me leaving was best for me. We got into some trouble before moving to California so, that’s all I’m telling you because I really can’t say much. They told me once I finish college I get out of town.”


“So you’re in trouble.”


“I don’t know. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you, that’s all I can say. Don’t interfere alright. You finally caught a break with everything; I can’t let you get dragged into this. I want you safe.”


“Yeah well, I want you safe too. You could’ve told me instead of leaving me questioning everything.”


“I’m sorry okay, I just can’t tell you where I moved to.”


“Alright, I really thought Rhett kicked you out of the house.”


“No. He can keep that house I don’t care about it. I can’t be in California anymore; I can’t even be around you that’s the fucked up part.”


“I have nothing to do with any of this. Are you fucking kidding me, is that why you can’t be with me.”


“No, it’s not that. I just don’t want to be in a relationship; I rather see you happy.”


“I’m not happy with anyone else. Didn’t you just hear me like five minutes ago pouring myself out to you.”


“Yes, I heard you. I don’t want you to be labeled as a cheater because of our history. You deserve someone special, unique, that can give you kids because I can’t. I was dumb enough to get an abortion.”


“You’re not dumb. He raped you. You did the right thing; I don’t know what I would do if you told me the baby was his. Probably lash out and do something I regret.”


“I know. I appreciate you getting better. Don’t you think a shrink could help you with other issues you’re dealing with” I asked?


“No. I’m not paying anyone to talk to me about my problems, you know that. They just write down my issues, give me prescriptions and think stuffing pills down people’s throats is going to solve everything. Maybe- maybe I’ll see one for you. I can’t believe I’m letting you talk me into this”


“You’re always getting your way; it’s time for me to get my way too,” I said, he sticks his tongue out at me, I smile and kiss his cheek getting dressed.

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