for her...(18+) - JB

(CENSORED)
[sequel to head over heels]
Adrian has left her previous relationship with Justin after she finds out that another girl is the mother of his child. After walking out on him at the wedding, months later Justin decides he wants to rekindle their relationship to give it another try.

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18. Next To You.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I would either wake up within every two hours sitting up and start thinking. I’ve been doing that a lot. It still feels unreal, it’s 3 in the morning and I need to keep my mind busy.

 

“Can’t sleep either?” Kathy asks standing in the hallway.

 

“No. Can’t sleep.”

 

“You may not believe this but...it feels like I felt her while I was laying down. You know it’s cold as hell in that room, and it felt like someone was crawling under the covers and holding me, warming me up. I tried to be strong but, I couldn’t help but start crying. I know she didn’t want me to cry but, I lost my best friend. She hasn’t been gone long and she’s already messing with me” She says laughing. “My phone has been typing by itself, y’know typing a bunch of A’s. I don’t want to sound crazy or anything but she’s here. She’s still here with us.”

 

“Yeah. She got her ways to fuck with us” I chuckled. “I need to be busy, I’m going to the studio,” I said getting up going to the studio to record some new songs I’ve been working on since I couldn’t go back to sleep. My phone started to go off, seeing Dan was calling me.

 

“Hey, Dan, nice to finally talk to you,” I said.

 

“Yeah, same to you. How are you.”

 

“I’m good. Can’t sleep, so I came to the studio to record some music just to keep myself busy.”

 

“I think that’s the best thing to do. Keep yourself busy, did you see her”

 

“Yeah, I saw her. Rhett told me he saw her take her last breath, I don’t know if I could handle seeing that. Happy I didn’t. I just don’t want anyone crying to me and hugging me, even comforting me. I think I’ll lose my mind.”

 

“I agree. I just hate getting these phone calls every ten to twenty minutes y’know. Hate seeing people posting pictures online and telling how special she was to them, most of them weren’t there for her. It’s all bullshit. I thank you for everything you’ve done for her, thank you.”

 

“Hey, don’t thank me. No need to, thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I hope you’re taking everything well.”

 

“You too. How’s Kathy, how is she taking it”

 

“Um, she’s good. She’s just like the both of us, being strong. You know we’re gonna have to let it out sooner or later”

 

“I know. Just don’t want to think about it right now, Kathy’s helping me with the obituary along with Drew. The funeral is Saturday at 9, I understand if you don’t want to be there.”

 

“Are you kidding, of course, I want to be there. Will there be an open casket” I asked.

 

“Yeah. Rhett told me there are only a few scratches. I’ll be in Atlanta in the morning with Kristie, Kristie and I are going to the morgue at 10. I know it feels unreal, believe me, I wish I could wake up from this nightmare but...we have no choice but to live with it just like everyone else. It feels like she’s still here, I’m still waiting on her to call me. It doesn’t feel real.”

 

“I know. She was going to tell me she can have a baby, and that she wants us to be together. That hurts the most cause I was looking forward to it. She was an amazing girl Dan, she’s with her mom. At least she’s taken care of in a better place. How’s Kristie.”

 

“She’s good. I had to comfort her, made it a little harder for me but I kept my head up, she doesn’t want to go to the funeral. She feels like Adrian left her, I told her she never saw it coming. Caught us all by surprise. I just wanted to call and talk to you and see how you were doing. Plus I couldn’t sleep.”

 

“You can always call Dan. I’m always here.”

 

“Thanks, well I better let you get back to work. See you soon” He says hanging up. I was too tired to work again, I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I quickly got out of my sleep due to a nightmare. I checked the time and seen it was 8:30. My forehead was covered in sweat.

 

“What’s up man, how are you doing? I saw the news” Dj Khaled says.

 

“I’m- I'm okay. Damn, thought it was all a dream. You sure that was her on the news.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure. They didn’t show her, but they showed the accident. I never met her but she seemed like a wonderful girl. Everyone in Cali sends their condolences.”

 

“Thanks, man. Really, it means a lot” I said.

 

“No problem. Have you been here all night”

 

“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep last night so I came here. I hope you don’t mind if I get phone calls throughout recording. It’s been tough on the family.”

 

“Hey, you take all the time you need. I’m offering to pay for the funeral if that’s okay with you and her parents.”

 

“It’s just her dad. I’m sure he would want to take care of everything but thanks. That’s generous of you. I think I’ll be okay today if no one tries to comfort or touch me. Sounds impossible but I’ll try. When I saw her in the car, she looked so beautiful. She was on her way to meet me at a restaurant for our date, I tried my best not to break down. I wanted to be strong for her friend and including myself. I just- I just wish I got the chance to tell her I loved her.”

 

“I’m sure you did. A bunch of times, she knows you love her Justin. It’s going to be okay.”

 

“I hope so. I don’t think I can live without her, it sounds stupid I know but she was everything to me. She was my friend..my best friend, my first love, I don’t think I can ever love another girl like her again. Anyway, can we get started? I have to meet her dad at the morgue at 10.”

 

“Sure, if you need a break just tell me,” He says, I nod my head. I went into the recording booth putting on my headphones as he started the song.

 

“You stick out of the crowd, baby, it's a no-brainer. It ain't that hard to choose

Him or me, be for real, baby, it's a no-brainer. You got your mind unloose.

Go hard and watch the sun rise. One night'll change your whole life. Off top, drop-top, baby it's a no-brainer.

Put 'em up if you with me. Yeah, yeah-eah, yeah, yeah-eah-eah. In the middle, woah. Woah-woah-oah, oh, oh-oh, ooh

Put 'em high-“ I stopped singing, I thought I was seeing things. Seeing Adrian standing there smiling. I’m losing my mind.

 

“Justin, are you okay? We can do this some other time. I’ll tell Janice we can do this next week, are you busy next week?”

 

“No. The funeral is in two days, I’m sure her dad wants to get it over with, that’s why it’s so early. We can do this some other time, I can’t focus right now. I have a lot to do.”

 

“Okay. Give me a call when you’re up and ready, we have enough time until the drop date. Catch you later” He says leaving. I sighed and went back to the hotel and took a long hot shower. I came out and started to brush my teeth getting ready to meet Dan. I started pacing around the hotel room, I started thinking about her heavily wishing she was here. The smiles she would give me, her bitchy attitude, being flirtatious with me. I’m going to miss it all. I’m kneeling on the floor screaming into the pillow while holding a gun, pointing it to my head. I couldn’t help but start crying. I was too weak to do it.

 

“Don’t you dare think about it, killing yourself is not going to make you feel any better” I heard a voice say, I raised my head up seeing Adrian standing on the opposite side of the bed. “Where did you get a gun”

 

“It’s mine, I found it in your purse in Vegas. Am- Am I really seeing you? Am I going insane? Can I touch you?-“

 

“I’m here. You’re really seeing me, no you’re not going insane and no you can’t touch me. I saw you last night trying to be strong for everyone. You know that’s really brave right”

 

“Yeah, I guess. Why didn’t you tell me about wanting to be together? Or tell me you can have kids- why wait on our date night.” I asked.

 

“Justin I didn’t know it was going to happen. I didn’t see it coming, I was excited to tell you about it. I wanted to wait until the right time, I knew you would be happy. Aren’t you happy”

 

“What’s the point, you’re dead.”

 

“True. But aren’t you happy that I wanted to be with you again, and have a family? Aren’t you?”

 

“Yeah, I am happy. Adrian, I think I’m going to go insane. I think I’m already insane, I’m talking to a fucking spirit. I’m trying to be strong for your dad, I have to meet him at the morgue in a few minutes. I miss you so much.”

 

“I miss you too. You’re not going insane, it’s normal to feel this way. But what’s not normal is you putting a gun to your head thinking about ending it all just to be with me again. I love you, Justin. I do. So much. I heard you tell me that last night. You love me so much, more than anything and all I’ve done was make you more confused and upset with me.”

 

“It’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, we’ve wasted all that time arguing and leaving instead of working it out. I wanted something with you, it may didn't work the last couple of times but I can’t stop thinking about you. I never stopped thinking about you. Why do you make me feel like this?”

 

“I don’t know, you only know that.”

 

“You’re my friend. My best friend, my lover. I can’t let you go, I don’t want to forget you.”

 

“You won’t. I highly doubt you’ll forget me. I’m apart of you remember, you’re stuck with me. Wherever you go, I’m going to always be there, next to you. Be strong for me, please. I want you to move on, I want you to be happy. Can you do that for me” She says.

 

“I’m not promising anything. It’s going to take some time, but I will consider it. Doesn’t mean I’m going to forget about you. I’m planning on moving here to Atlanta, I want to move your things in my place. If that’s okay.”

 

“That’s fine, are you sure you want to do that? Wanting to be surrounded by my clothes and things. You can always donate them. You know people are going to think you’re crazy, thinking you’re talking to yourself.”

 

“I don’t give a shit about what others think. I’m not donating your things, I have to meet your dad. Thanks for talking to me, I was honestly thinking about pulling the trigger. I was too weak to do it.”

 

“I’m happy I stopped you. Please get rid of the gun. You’re back on top with your career again, the last thing you need to do is get in trouble.” She says I nod my head grabbing my keys meeting Dan.

 

“Hey, happy to see you.” He says hugging me. “Don’t worry I’m not comforting you, haven’t seen you in a while. Good to see your face.”

 

“Yeah, same to you. Can you do me a favor? Can you get rid of this” I said giving him a wrapped up towel with the gun inside?

 

“Sure, no problem. Ready to go in. You’re not going to get emotional are you” He chuckled.

 

“No. I’ll be fine,” I said. We went inside the morgue and I got a little uncomfortable but I wanted to do this with Dan. He needs someone to be with him and I’m the best person to do that. We stood outside the window waiting for the Diener to remove the sheet from her body. Even though I’ve already seen her, it made it a little easier for me to see again.

 

“When you first saw her, how did you feel,” He asks.

 

“I was petrified. My emotions were everywhere I didn’t know how to exactly feel about it. Just doesn’t feel real y’know. I know you’re taking it pretty hard Dan. You don’t have to be strong for anyone but yourself. Adrian wants me to but, I’m trying. I really am. You know people will ask why you aren’t crying or feeling sad about someone dying. It’s easy to just get mad, sad, or start crying. Fuck what everyone else thinks.”

 

“You’re right. I’m sure Adrian would tell me to suck it up or stop crying. Something bitchy she would say” He laughed, I laughed too.

 

“You’re absolutely right. God, I love the hell out of her. You raised an amazing person Dan.”

 

“Thank you, Justin. Kristie is with Kathy and Drew trying to figure out how we’re going to do this funeral. I just want it to be short and simple. It’s going to rain Saturday evening, I would love to move it to Sunday but I just want to put her to rest. You don’t mind speaking at the funeral do you?”

 

“No. Not at all. I’m willing to do whatever.” I said.

 

“Thanks, I would do it but...I can’t. Shit, I have to call Kathy and tell her no sad, depressing music. I’ll be back.” He says walking off. I lightly knocked on the glass to get the doctors attention.

 

“This may be against your policy but, can I at least see her. I’m begging.” I pleaded.

 

“You have 10 minutes,” She says letting me in. “You’re not one of those creeps who fucks dead bodies are you. I’ve had it happen before.”

 

“God no, she’s my girlfriend,” I said, she left and gave me a moment alone. I sighed and took out a small box from my pocket opening it up. The ring I was going to give her on our wedding, slipping it on her cold finger.

 

“Justin, what the hell are you doing in here,” Dan asked.

 

“I needed a moment with her, don’t worry I have permission. I just- I just wanted her to at least have something before she ended up six feet in the ground. I slipped on the ring I was going to give her at the wedding. I know you hated me for what I did that day.”

 

“I don’t hate you and I didn’t hate you. You did the right thing by telling her.” He said and smiled at me.

 

“I don’t like seeing her like this. I wish this was just a dream and someone can pinch me to wake up. I love her, more than life itself.” I said.

 

“It’s going to be okay. You’ve done everything to prove to her that you want another chance to be together, she knows you love her. I’m sure the whole damn world knows. You think I like seeing my baby girl like this? Deceased? It’s something I never would imagine, but life goes on. Getting that phone call, after hearing the crying I threw my phone.I don’t even know where but I threw it. I needed to think, then once I told Kristie, she stepped outside of the hotel room...moments later I heard her scream. Adrian was like a daughter to her, she loved her. She’s a lovable person, just wished I could’ve done something when she was getting abused. I knew at the last minute no one told me anything. I would’ve killed Jason.”

 

“Me and you both. So, I’m planning on moving here and since you’re traveling the world and Kathy’s going back to California. I want to move her things into my place if that’s okay with you.”

 

“That’s fine by me. Ready to go.” He asks. I nod. It’s been a busy two days, getting things ready for Saturday trying to make it successful as possible.

 

“Big day tomorrow, our shirts should be coming in. We’re all going to wear them after the funeral. Are you ready?” Kathy asked.

 

“I think I should be asking you that question. But, no I’m not ready. I don’t think any of us are. Dan just wants it short and simple, he wants me to give a speech”

 

“Well, that’s good. I’m sure whatever you’re going to say, she’ll like it. The cops gave me this, I thought you would want it” She says giving me a bag with her cell phone and purse in it. “I would’ve given it to you after the funeral when we all departed but I rather give it to you now. You made a huge impact on all of our lives. I bet you didn’t expect that when you met her”

 

“I didn’t. I’m moving into my place tomorrow, I would love if you could help move her things in.”

 

“Sure, why the hell not. I’ll see you in the morning, don’t be nervous, I’m sure you’ll do great.” She says giving me a warm smile before walking out of the living room. I smiled too. Truthfully, I wasn’t ready for tomorrow, but I know I had to be there for Dan and everyone else. It’s going to be an emotional day, but hopefully, I’ll get through it.

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