for her...(18+) - JB

(CENSORED)
[sequel to head over heels]
Adrian has left her previous relationship with Justin after she finds out that another girl is the mother of his child. After walking out on him at the wedding, months later Justin decides he wants to rekindle their relationship to give it another try.

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11. Goodbye.

Weeks have passed, today is my birthday. Nothing much about it to celebrate. I’m leaving soon, and I honestly can’t wait. I need a fresh start, a new mindset in a new city; it’s a chance for me to start over. My dad left me loads of money since he’s away. It’s kind of a long story about how my dad is in hiding, he left me in the hands of Rhett, but you all know how that went. I stare at my phone screen thinking if I should call him or not. I needed someone to talk to. I sighed and ended up hitting the call button.

 

“Adrian? Hey, I’m so happy you called. Happy birthday, I didn’t think you would”

 

“Yeah well, me either.”

 

“How is everything? You know Rhett called me, says you two split. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be; it was my fault. I’m so fucking stupid. I can’t even keep a man.”

 

“Yes you can, you just make the wrong decisions sometimes. I know about Justin too, why didn’t you tell me.”

 

“Because you liked Rhett, I didn’t want to disappoint you, telling you that I slept with Justin. You knew it would happen someday.”

 

“You’re right, I did. You two are deeply in love with each other, just because he’s not talking to you doesn’t mean he stopped caring Adrian. He will still do things for you, just like you will do things for him. Let Justin be angry with you so that he can feel better. He’ll get over it eventually. You know he can’t be mad forever, you put a spell on that boy” He laughs, I chuckled.

 

“Yeah, you’re right. I probably did. I’m graduating soon and moving away. I need to clear my head and start over. I can’t keep doing this to myself over and over again; I’m not the same Adrian I was years ago.”

 

 

“Of course you’re not. You’re beautiful, smart, strong; I’m proud of you. Your mom is too, I know you miss her, I do too”

 

“How are you and Kristie? Everything’s fine” I asked.

 

“Yeah. Everything’s perfect, soon as everything dies down, I’ll be back as soon as possible. She misses you, I told her about that Justin and Patricia situation, no worries she’s good at keeping secrets. She’s planning on deleting any files on him so it wouldn’t trace back to any of us. If he gets caught, he’s going away for a while. I know you told me his brother took the blame, but I don’t have a good feeling about him. He’s going to end up saying something.”

 

“Yeah. I couldn’t agree more. Kathy and I aren’t friends anymore I kind of confronted her about opening her mouth to Rhett about Justin and I. She got pissed off, and we haven’t been talking since. Why do I fuck everything up for myself?”

 

“Because you’re still young. You’re still going to fuck up. It’s okay to fuck up alright, that’s just the way it is. You still have a lot more learning to do. So, what are you gonna do about Justin? You know he loves you.”

 

“I don’t know what love is anymore. I don’t think I ever understood what it was, to be honest. Love can mean a lot of things. I need to talk to him, for the last time and see if we’re officially over. And if we’re done for good. I don’t want to see him anymore.”

 

“If you think that’s best, go for it. I gotta go. By the way, Justin has a concert tonight, he’s leaving tomorrow morning so if you plan on talking to him...you better do it now. Happy birthday”

 

“Thanks. Bye” I said hanging up. I sat in front of my birthday cake that was still lit up, I closed my eyes and blew them out. I got myself ready to go to Justin’s concert. It wasn’t hard for me to get backstage, lots of people known me from when we were dating. They loved us together. I got escorted to his dressing room; supposedly he was already on stage. I looked around and sat down on the sofa waiting for him patiently. I could hear him singing his songs on stage, he sounded amazing, like an angel. I was waiting for a good five minutes before he came rushing in to get changed into another set of clothes.

 

“Hey, Justin,” I said.

 

“Fuck! Damn it, Adrian, you scared the hell out of me” He says looking at himself in the mirror at me, turning around. “How’d you get back here.”

 

“I know some people; I got my ways.”

 

“Well, when I find out who I should fire them for not doing their fucking job” He growled.

 

 

“I came here to talk to you. Y’know about us of course. It’s been on my mind lately, and I just can’t stop thinking about it. You paid for my student loans a week ago. I don’t want your money. We broke up, or I thought we did, we never talked about what that was. I don’t know what we were at the time, but you do not just come into my life expect me to care and then leave. I want to know if I can move on? Am I able to see other people without you getting jealous? Are we officially over” I asked. He didn’t say anything for a brief moment; I know he hates me right now because of Rhett and me, but now isn’t the right time for a silent treatment.

 

“Yeah. I guess we are over; I already paid for your loans I don’t want the money back or anything. Just because I can barely look at you right now doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you. You will always be apart of me along with Adriana, Caroline and I are trying to be a family. I thought about Karina, and I should give her the same treatment as I would with Adriana. Things changed, I fucking went crazy the other night and overdosed or whatever. I don’t know what to call it. I even wrote a song about you because you asked me to, well, I wanted to. If it weren’t for Caroline, you wouldn’t be standing in front of me right now.”

 

“So the only reason you’re with her is that she saved your fucking life. Wow, for the first time she’s actually doing something right? Compared to all the fucked up shit that I’ve done for you. Putting my life on the line for you..my life! I could go to jail because of you. Maybe even get life, but you do crazy shit for the people you love, I get that. But don’t take advantage of me. You can’t get upset when you see me with someone that isn’t you; you have to accept that you can’t control who I go out with. I fucked up my marriage because I couldn’t get over you. Is that what you want to hear? Useless, losing my best friend and don’t have anybody all because of you. Y’know what I kinda feel bad for you Justin, my dad told Kristie about Patricia and what we did.”

 

“He did what.”

 

“He told her. But don’t worry about it because she will take care of it. I can’t believe you’re blaming me for all of this when you’re the one that’s fucked up. Maybe I will keep caring about you, but it’s crazy how you fuck my head up. You and Caroline deserve each other, but she’ll never do the things that I’ve done for you. That bitch will rat both of us out even Kathy. If Kathy goes down, you are too. Don’t worry your secret is safe with me and you don’t have to worry about Patricia anymore.”

 

“What do you want from me, Adrian? You can’t have both. It’s either me or me with Karina, I’m trying to be a good father to her, but you can’t accept that fact she’s mine.”

 

“She’s not yours! I do not believe a single word that comes out Caroline’s fucking mouth until she takes you to get a blood test! A real blood test! I don’t want her just handing you papers; you need to see for yourself. I got an abortion because I wanted you and not with someone else’s baby. I couldn’t have Jason’s baby; I don’t want anything to remind me of him. Look, I just came here to have one last conversation with you before I leave. I just want to move on with my life, Rhett offered me a job in Miami. I don’t think I’ll take it; I don’t know what I want. I’m going somewhere else. I don’t want you to interfere with what I’m doing. I’m sorry that I can’t have your kids. I’m not living in a fantasy anymore. There’s not a happy ending to every story so, please don’t find a way to come back into my life, I cleaned your mess with your mom now it’s your job to stay the hell away from me” I said.

 

“You know you have commitment issues right.”

 

“So do you, something we both have in common. At first, things were perfect with us until I got pushed down those stairs and everything changed. You changed, you’re not the same Justin that I met in high school. What happened to him? Huh? Please tell me.”

 

“That was years ago; we’re not in high school anymore. Speaking of, what happened to you? Because the Adrian I knew she was lethal, she was strong and bitchy.”

 

“I guess we both lost our way. No matter how hard we try to be together, it’s just not going to happen. Some things aren’t meant to be” I said, he started to walk towards me caressing his hand on my cheek. I pushed him off of me and left.

 

Justin’s POV

 

I was surprised seeing Adrian, and have her expose how she felt made me feel bad about myself. She wanted me to stay the hell away from her, but I don’t think that’s possible for me. As I turn around to look at myself in the mirror, rage builds up inside of me until my fist met up with the glass. The crowd chants my name as I’m supposed to get dressed and go back out there for another show until I leave tomorrow morning for more touring. This is the hardest break up that I’ve ever dealt with; I ran my fingers through my hair sitting on the sofa just thinking.

 

“Hey Justin, you’re on in 2 minutes...are you okay in there,” Ryan says knocking on the door continuously because I didn’t answer the first time. He opens the door and finds me on the sofa just staring out into space. He kneels down in front of me examining my face. “Justin..you’re on. Why haven’t you changed? Where’s Adrian? What the hell is going on? What happened to your hand?”

 

“I can’t go on Ryan, tell Scooter that”

 

“What happened? Justin this is your last show in LA before you start touring. This isn’t the time to cancel; your fans are out there waiting for you..chanting your name don’t you hear them.”

 

“Adrian wants me to stay away from her; I don’t know what’s going on with me. She lied to me about being in a relationship” I said.

 

“Okay, and you lied to her about your daughter. So what’s the problem? She needs to hate you to feel better..you got to let her hate you. So what she was married? You specially told her that you couldn’t be with her because you got another girl pregnant, you didn’t want to hurt her, but when you told her that, she was going to be hurt anyways. Maybe it’s time for you two to end things once and for all, sure you’ll have feelings for each other still that’s understandable. You can’t have both. It’s either Caroline and Karina or Adrian; you have to do what’s best for you. Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what you need. Do you really want to throw everything away that you have with each other away? You can’t just walk off because she made one mistake and then leave. It’s gonna get worse Justin, find a way to fix this. I know you still love her. You were in the wrong too for lying; this isn’t about her it’s about you too. You’ve dealt with a lot of shit together, all the pain, regret, loss. Hold on to her; you worked hard for everything. I’ve seen it a million times, all the arguing and hate in one another's eyes. It didn’t work out, you and Adrian have something special going on here. Caroline is just a rebound; she’s not right for you..she didn’t do things Adrian did for you. You poured your guilt on her that night..it takes times for figure things out. Somethings not right about Caroline. Talk to Adrian, don’t stay away from her. Do the opposite of what she said. Don’t give another guy a shot being with her that’ll kill you inside, and I know it. I’ll see you out there” He says patting my shoulder leaving. It took a lot for me to stop thinking about Adrian, I quickly got changed and went back on stage putting a fake smile on my face. After the show, I signed a few autographs outside before hopping into the black Escalade to take me home. Once I got out and went inside the house, Caroline happily rushes to me giving me a hug, instead of saying anything to her I went upstairs to take a shower. ‘Stay the hell away from me’ played over and over in my head I couldn’t take it anymore I just started crying and hitting the wall with my fists. When I got out I called..texted, tried to message her on every social media I had her on, but there was no hope. I was going insane inside, she didn’t want to talk to me, and I hated that. “Hey....Adrian, it’s me again..Justin. I know you don’t want to talk to me or even see me again. But I can’t stop thinking about you. We should meet up somewhere y’know and just lay everything on the table and come clean. I hate these lies we’re telling. It’s not making anything better between us. I just—, Please pick up the phone, please. I need you, Adrian, please call me back or text me, we need to talk.” I left her a voicemail...along with plenty others before hanging up the phone. I looked to my right seeing a bottle of beer. I’ve been craving a drink for the longest. It’s easy to pick it up, not care, and take a drink. I got no excuses for the things I do. I don’t know why I give in every time and give this bottle of my power. I’m lonely, and drinking is the only solution to forget. I picked up my phone again dialing Adrian’s number, yet it went straight to voicemail. I scream picking up the bottle of vodka, throwing it against the wall.

 

“What the fuck is your problem,” Caroline asks.

 

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

 

“I can tell something’s wrong. Do you want to talk about it.”

 

“No. There’s no point; I’m tired of talking.”

 

“Oh I see, this is about Adrian, isn’t it? It’s always about her. I get it you two have chemistry, and it’s eating you up inside because she doesn’t want you. It sucks to have that feeling, isn’t it? At least you don’t have to deal with the lying; she was pretty good at that. I never understood why you were so in love with her. She’s the cause of your drug addiction you know.”

 

“She did nothing but love me; she’s not responsible for that. I’m the one that picked up a bottle; I’m the one that snorted cocaine and popped pills. She wanted me to stop but...I was so stupid, still am. God, why do I have to be so stupid.”

 

“I wonder that too. You could’ve died. If you don’t stop this, your career will go down the drain, and you won’t have anybody to care for you. You thought about drinking that bottle. Instead, you threw it against the wall. I think you’re realizing that drinking isn’t going to solve your issues with Adrian. I get that you still love her, you’re obsessed over her. She’s the type of girl you share your dirty and darkest secrets to. But maybe you two aren’t meant to be; she’s going to tell you to get over her and move on. Not because she’s a bitch, because she cares and she loves you. She was hurt after you told her about having a daughter at her wedding, so she got remarried to someone else. It wasn’t to make you jealous; it wasn’t her intention to hurt you. But you did the hurting first, don’t act like you didn’t. You did all of this all because you couldn’t get her at first. You had her, but you fucked that up and got arrested, and I think that’s when everything fell apart. You kept getting into trouble, sleeping with other girls as if that’ll make you feel better about yourself. I would do the same thing she did, to be honest. My point is, you’re the problem.”

 

 

“Yeah, whatever.”

 

“My point exactly. How come you don’t want to at least listen when people are trying to talk to you. Accept that you’re a drug addict, get some fucking help. Because that bottle of alcohol or those pills isn’t doing a goddamn thing. By the way, Karina isn’t yours. I lied, I fucked up your chance to be with Adrian, and I accept it. Those papers were fake you ruined my life, and I ruined yours. There’s a difference between you and I. I accept my mistakes and the decisions I’ve made. You don’t. Bye Justin” She says leaving. I laid down on the bed staring at the hole in the wall drifting off to sleep.

I was leaving today; sadly I’m going back on tour. I got into the shower, doing my morning routine, leaving the house going over Adrian’s. I pulled up in the driveway next to her car. I saw her come out of the house with a box in her hand. I got out walking up to her.

 

“What are you doing,” I asked.

 

“I thought we agreed on the 'stay away from me' thing.”

 

“You see I never agreed to that; you demanded me to stay away from you. I can’t let that happen. I love you.”

 

“God aren’t you tired of saying that? Let me guess; I came over here because I realized how much of a douche I am, and to apologize for my behavior. I regret everything, I love you, and I want you back. Am I warm?” She asks. I chuckled sarcastically.

 

“A little warm. Adrian, I thought about what you said last night, and I admit, I was going insane. I left you message after message, call after call and no response. Come on talk to me.”

 

“I did talk to you. I tried to explain myself to you, but you kicked me out. You’re sorry for falling in love with me remember”

 

“I didn’t mean any of that. It’s just- I say a lot of shit when I’m mad. Don’t you say shit you don’t mean when you’re mad.”

 

“I watch what comes out my mouth because you can never take it back. Once you say it, those words will never fade. I’m leaving.”

 

“I thought you were supposed to leave soon. Not now, what about graduation.”

 

“It was an hour ago, now that I’m done with college and got my degree. I’m out. I’m not coming back to California. What happened to you and Caroline.”

 

“She left, she lied about Karina. Those papers were fake; she ruined my life. We could’ve been married by now. Please don’t go; I’m tired of you leaving me.”

 

“Yeah well, I’m sorry. I can’t keep letting you pull me back in for the hundredth time. I got to start thinking about me, something that I want to do.”

 

“And leaving is the best solution? Adrian, we can talk about this, come on. Come on please baby, please don’t go.”

 

“Don’t go? You’re leaving for a tour; you can’t stop me this time. I stayed here to figure things out between us; you see where that got us? Even if I did stay you would still be leaving” She says opening her car door. I closed the car door standing in front of it stopping her.

 

“Justin, let me go. Get over me; you have thousands of girls to choose from. You think I’m going to be stupid again just because the dick was good? Stop hanging onto me. We are done, officially done” She says trying to get to the handle of the car.

 

“No! No, we’re not, that’s what’s wrong with couples now, they don’t talk out shit. We can talk this out.”

 

“I don’t want to talk! I’m tired of talking to you; you can’t do anything to stop me from leaving you” She yelled, I pulled her into a hug. She pushes me off of her. “Get off of me! Leave me alone! I hate you! I never want to see you again.”

 

“I don’t care,” I said taking the keys from her hand and tossing them across the street.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me! What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you insane? I fucking hate you.”

 

 

“You don’t mean that. Take that back.”

 

 

“No, I meant every word. I can’t be with you anymore Justin; I don’t- I don’t love you.”

 

“Yes you do, I don’t believe that. You’re obsessed with me, and I’m not leaving. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever” I said grabbing her hand. I didn’t care if she pushed me off of her again, I knew that she still loved me. She’s hurt, and I’m the reason. I kiss her; I wasn’t surprised that she kissed back.

 

“No Justin,” She says between kisses, I wanted her to shut up. I kept kissing her; I moved my lips to the weak spot on her neck. I could hear a slight moan come from her mouth.

 

“Come on Justin, let’s not do this,” She says. I grab her hand and take her upstairs. “Are we really gonna do this?” She asks.

 

“Yeah. We are” I replied taking her shirt off; she takes my shirt off too slipping her hand down my pants feeling on me. I moan, leaning in to kiss her.

 

“No. No kissing just yet” She says then unbuckling my belt, getting down on her knees. After we had sex, I wrap my arms around her naked body, pulling her close to me kissing her shoulder. She smiles and closes her eyes as I kiss her neck.

“So was this make up sex,” She asks rolling on her stomach eyeballing me. I leaned over her and kissed down her back.

 

“Mm maybe” I replied, she giggled and turned over. “I just want to forget about everything that happened between us. Caroline actually spoke some real shit about me last night, and she was right. I was the cause of everything and decided to blame you for it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for saying those hurtful words to you. I’m such an idiot. I can’t stay away from you; there’s just something that makes me not want to do that.”

 

“Yeah?” She asks.

 

“Yeah. We are so confusing; I don’t want you to go. I don’t want us to end like this, being angry at each other. You’ve been hurt enough, and I’ve realized that. I don’t want to hurt you; you can hate me or whatever. I don’t care, just- please don’t go.”

 

“Justin, you are amazing. Literally, amazing. You can make any girl drool over you, make her want to throw her panties at you” She says chuckling. “You’re unbelievably sexy, super smart, talented, sweet. And incredibly good in bed, but it is what it is. Sleeping with me isn’t going to change my mind. I’m a little less angry with you I admit, California just isn’t for me anymore.”

 

“I understand. I brought you something” I said reaching for my pants grabbing a folded piece of paper handing it to her.

 

“What is this”

 

“Look at it,” I said laying back down beside her. She smiles and unfolds it reading it. “The song I wrote you, I was gonna play it for you at our wedding, but that didn’t happen. I was working on it for months, wanted to surprise you. Shit got complicated. Happy belated birthday.”

 

“Thank you, and thank you for this. I was joking about the song thing, but I didn’t think you would actually do it” She says. I wiped the tears from her face, I leaned in and kissed her passionately pulling away. “Don’t you have a tour.”

 

“Oh fuck, yeah. I turned my phone off so I wouldn’t get any phone calls. I’m so exhausted, touring and everything is great but being with you is better. I just want to stay with you.”

 

“I know baby, but you have to. They own you and your music. You don’t want to get in trouble with the label do you.”

 

“I really don’t care about the label; I don’t care about anything” I mope.

 

“You do care; you care about me right,” She asks kissing my stomach.

 

“You’re just- so breathtaking. I love you, so much.”

 

“I love you too,” She says wrapping her arms around my neck kissing me. “Are we okay.”

 

“Yeah, we’re more than okay. Are you okay?”

 

“Um..yeah. I saw Jason last night; he came over. I just wished you were there to protect me; he didn’t do anything. I just- wanted you to hold me.”

 

“I’m here now. That feeling of him forcing himself on you, the smell of alcohol on his breath...that’s over. I promise you, okay. No one is going to hurt you ever again, especially him.”

 

“Wow, Caroline actually gave you some words of wisdom.”

 

“Yeah, she did. I’m going to stop drinking, stop doing drugs. I realized it wasn’t only hurting me; I was hurting you too. I’m trying to get better.”

 

“I’m happy to hear that, I hope you get better.”

 

“Me too, I’ll wait for you Adrian, even if it takes the rest of my life. I still have hope” I said. She smiles and kisses me. I smiled too and covered her with kisses on her face and neck till she started dying of laughter. We both ended up falling asleep; I looked at the time on the clock. 8:30 P.M. I rolled over, and the bed was empty. I switched the lamp on the dresser finding a note.

 

‘You may be wondering where I am since I’m not in bed with you, I left. I’m long gone. I know it’s such a coward thing to do, and thanks for purposely throwing your keys instead of mine. I know you are deeply in love with me, and I’m deeply in love with you. You gave me something to remember you by, and I’ll miss you. Please don’t be mad at me, or come to find me. I didn’t tell you where I was going because I knew you wouldn’t finish touring. It’s time to start thinking about yourself now that you’re on the road to getting sober. I’ve never been so proud of you for trying. I’ll always remember you, Justin, I’ve changed all of my contact information, and it wasn’t so that you couldn’t contact me. I was being serious about letting me go, no more confusion and no more regrets. You deserve someone so much better, someone that can give you children, and give you so much happiness. Don’t beat yourself up and be angry or sad that I left. Just know that you will still be apart of me, I love you. -Adrian’

 

I knew something like this would end up happening. I should’ve never went to sleep, this isn’t the way to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I folded the paper slipping it into my wallet along with the other she left me. I slid my clothes on grabbing my phone to look for my keys I threw across the street. I sat in the car and started crying. I sat there for a good hour and a half mostly hating myself. The best solution was to go insane, but I’m working on getting better for her. I turned my phone back on and seen missed calls and texts from Scooter, wondering where the hell was I. I started the engine and made my way to the airport.

 

“Where the fuck was you? Were you ignoring my calls and texts?” He goes on and on bitching. For me to get better and work on me, I couldn’t let Scooter bring out the old Justin. The Justin that lashed out at everyone for every little thing.

 

“Sorry Scooter, I didn’t mean to. Can we go, I’m ready to get this over with” I said miserably getting on the plane. Once we took off, I stared out the window viewing the city, wondering where she could’ve gone, was she safe. I know she didn’t want to find her, but I was eager to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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