Is this love?

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  • Published: 21 May 2018
  • Updated: 22 May 2018
  • Status: Complete
Looking back, I can see why people would call me a slut. But that sure as hell doesn’t give them the right to do it.
They broke me. Can I ever be fixed again?


2. Party girls don´t get hurt

More people came familiar with my rumor. But I acted like I didn’t care. I didn’t want to care. I didn’t want to be this girl. But I felt I couldn’t stop. When I was drinking, I let loose and didn’t care. I couldn’t control myself. This I why I´ve always thought that I brought myself into this.

I continued to party every weekend, going to the club and hooking up with guys. Of course I got the reputation I got. It all makes sense. It was never guys I brought home. Never. We just found somewhere. But the funny thing is, I was never satisfied. Never. I came to realize that the guys I have been with, only thought of themselves. They didn’t care about me. They just wanted to have sex and I didn’t know what I wanted. I´m ashamed of the guys I used to hook up with.

There is one guy. One guy who I still think about everyday, even though I have a boyfriend. BD. He hurt me like no one else ever did.

It was the Christmas party at school, the second party of that school year. My friends and I were dancing and drinking all night. We had a break from all the dancing, and sat down and talked. The next thing I see is this tall guy, not very handsome, but insanely charming. His eyes met mine, he kissed my hand and introduced himself. I knew who he was. He also had a reputation at school. He was the douchebag, the player at school. I do not remember what my friends was doing at this moment. All I remember is him. He had a big nose, long hair, wasn’t skinny but a little buff. He was well dressed. His eyes captivated me. We talked; I do not remember what we talked about. We also danced. It was a great evening. He literally made my heart skip a beat.
My friends and I decided to go to the club. I was at the club and it was very hot inside and very cold outside. But you had to leave your jacket at the door, when entering the club. I went out for air. There he was, BD. He took my hand and I followed him. His friend was there. I didn’t like his friend. But he had to take care of something behind the church, because he used to live there, so he knew a secret way. BD and me just waited for him. I was cold since it was winter and I was only wearing a top. Of course BD offered me his jacket. It was way too big for me, I enjoyed it. He looked me in the eyes and said that I looked beautiful. He then pushed me up against the wall and started to kiss me. Captivated. Absolutely captivated. We exchanged snapchats and promised to text each other. We then went to get pizza when his friend came back. He just looked at BD like he was stupid. I guess he was right.
The next day he actually snapchatted me. I still remember the pictures he sent. I was on cloud nine. It only lasted for this day. He then deleted me. I couldn’t understand, because he was so into me. and I was into him.
In school my friends of course teased me, they knew I had talked a lot with BD that night.
Then they told me that he had a girlfriend. I was pissed of. Why would he act like that with a girl at home. It wasn’t fair. I was really hurt.
His girlfriend then followed me on Instagram a week or so later. I followed back, just to show that I didn’t give a shit. It was awkward. I saw him in the hallway and I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to look at him.

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