We have all got secrets

Rebecca has been an orphan her entire life. When she reaches the age of 18, she has to leave the orphanage as she has become too old to stay. After living on the street for a few years, Rebecca finally gathers up the courage to look through her personal file in hope of finding her birth parents. Isn’t that what every orphan wants? At least that’s what Rebecca wants.

Family life isn't as easy as Rebecca originally thought. Her parents neglecting her, secrets, love and horrible things happen along the way to success.

*A One Direction love story*
*A Selena Gomez twin story*


2. New Friend

"Hi Selena! How are you, babe?" Demi – freaking – Lovato says to me. 

Okay Becca; keep your cool. Please do remember that she doesn't know you're not Selena. She doesn't know anything about Rebecca Gomez. You have to act like Selena. Before I can go all fangirl on her, I take a deep, discreet breath and plaster a big grin on my face. The more I do it, the more it seems convincing - even to me. 

"Oh, hi Demi! I'm great, thank you. What about you?" I ask her, making sure I’m sounding like Selena. You see, Selena has this odd combination of two different dialects so we sound different. Her dialect is cute compared to mine that’s just plain and ordinary. I thank heaven that I’ve used so much time listening to Selena talking, no matter how creepy it sounds right now. 

"I'm great actually. I have so much I have to tell you," Demi says, sitting on the couch as I sit opposite of her. Yeah, sure, as if a 20-minute phone call isn’t enough. Jeez – how long have they been apart for anyway? I adore Demi and all, but that girl can talk. She rambles on about something I don’t know what is for about ten minutes, and as I didn’t get any specific information or instructions I can’t do much apart from sit and wait. Another five minutes pass, and Demi begins to ask me questions about different things mainly within the subject she has been talking about for the last fifteen minutes. On the inside, I’m panicking but on the outside I’m as calm and collected as Selena will ever be. I don’t know Demi like Selena does and I have a feeling that they have talked about this before, therefore Demi will probably know what Selena will answer. Just a small problem, though - I’m not Selena and I don’t really know her that well. 

“Do you remember how she reacted when I told her about him?” Demi asks, chuckling. I smile and laugh with her, but really I have absolutely no idea of what she’s talking about. I really ought to listen some more when people are talking to me. Before Demi can start talking again I hold up one finger.

“I’ll be right back.” I stand up from the couch and leave the living room. “Selena?” I whisper and walk into the kitchen. I find my twin sister sitting by the island, mindlessly scrolling through something on her phone. 

“Selena!” I hiss. Her brown eyes lock with my own and I glare at her. 

“What are you doing here? Get in there!” She whispers and shoos me towards the living room again. I stand my ground, though. 

“I don’t know her and I can’t answer her questions. I don’t know who the hell ‘Teddy and Eloise’ are or whatever.” 

“Teddy and Eloise? Really? What are she saying about them?” Selena asks, excitingly. I raise my eyebrows; of course Demi is talking about something Selena already knows about. 

“I don’t know!” I huff and cross my arms over my chest. Selena rolls her eyes at me and grabs my arm, pulling me along. We stop just outside the door way where we peek into the living room. We see Demi on the couch, where I left her, sitting with her phone, texting away. 

“Go in there and figure out a way to figure this out. I’ll wait for my que,” Selena says and gives me a small before sending me on my way. I glare at her before disappearing into the living room once again. I sit on the couch in front of Demi once again and wait for her to acknowledge me. 

“Oh, there you are I was starting to wonder where you went off to.” I smile and shrug. 

“I just had to figure out some stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Demi looks at me with curiosity evident on her face. 

“Just some family stuff.” Demi simply nods and we are engulfed in silence. Finally, I come up with an idea and breaks the silence. 

“Hey Demi?” She makes an acknowledging sound, “Speaking of family, I have actually someone I would like you to meet.”

“Alright? Who?” I smile and get up from the sofa, going into the kitchen. I grab Selena’s arm and tuck her along. 

“What are you doing?” She whispers. 

“Just play along,” I whisper and almost drag her into the living room. I look back at her as see her hiding her face in her hair much like I had done several hours earlier. I don’t know how I’m not cowering away right now, sitting and shaking in the corner. Maybe it’s because I’m supposed to play Selena and not myself. 

“Sel? Who’s this?” Demi asks, getting up from her seat. I smile and stop in front of her with Selena by my side. 

“Demi, you’re my best friend and I’ve known you for a long time so therefore, I want to share this with you as soon as possible. So, earlier today I got myself quite a surprise, when this beauty here appeared on the front step.” I can almost feel Selena snort at my words and my smile widens, “Demi, I will like for you to meet Rebecca Gomez, my twin sister, because apparently I have one of those.” Demi reaction is gold, really. I can see that she almost doesn’t believe me, but how can she not believe me when I’m standing with the mirror of myself by my side? Selena finally looks up and I see the expression on her face. Damn, is that how I normally look? Insecure, small, pity are some of the words to describe the way Selena is looking right now, or rather me. Selena put her hand out and look at Demi fully. 

“Hello, I’m Rebecca.” Demi shakes her hand while eyeing me with confusion clear in her eyes. 

“Don’t worry, I get confused too sometimes,” I say and catch Selena’s eyes. I send her a non-verbal message and for some reason she understands as she nods at me. Demi is very confused by this. 

“What do you mean?” 

“What she means is that I’m Selena, not Rebecca.” 

“And I’m Rebecca, not Selena.” Demi looks about ready to faint when she falls back on the couch again and just stares at us. 

“I’m sorry, Demi, I couldn’t not take the opportunity to do this!” Selena says and removes the hair from her face. She smiles her dazzling smile, and the smile on my face fades once again. I take a deep breath; I haven’t had to smile for so long in a long time, it’s exhausting. 

“Selena! What the hell?” Demi exclaims and sits up on the sofa. 

“Sorry, sorry, it’s all just still so new and exciting. I have a twin sister, Demi, can you believe it!” I’m still trying to wrap my head around it myself. 

“Um, yeah. Who’s who, again?” I smile my infamous fake smile. 

“Hi, I’m Rebecca, it’s nice to meet you.” Demi shakes my outstretched hand and smiles at me as well. 

"It's nice to meet you, too, Rebecca. I must say you look an awful lot like Selena." Yeah right. "Except for the eyes, now that I look closer: yours are a little lighter. You’re also a little shorter, but maybe I can only see that because I spend too much time with Selena,” Demi giggles. 

“There are not many differences in appearance. We’re still trying to figure out every little detail to see if anything is different,” Selena says. I don’t say anything. I’ve found plenty of flaws in myself that I haven’t found in Selena, but I’m not about to go done that road with her. Not now, not ever. 

"I’m sure you already know her, but Rebecca, meet my best friend, Demetria Devonne Lovato!" Selena says with a big grin on her face. I can’t help but feel the jealousy form in the pit of my stomach. Being surrounded with drop dead gorgeous girls is really hurting my self-esteem. I will never admit I look even the slightest bit like Selena – because I don't. No matter what she or anyone else will ever say. We may be identical in some points, but there are too many flaws in me to ever resemble Selena’s inner and outer beauty. 

“Have you ever considered becoming an actress, Rebecca? I mean, you did an amazing job imitating Selena. I’ve been friends with her for a long time and I didn’t realize it wasn’t her I was talking to.”

“That’s what I said! You know, I talked to her earlier to get to know her, and when she told me she has always wanted to become an actress, I was sold. I mean, I’ve just finished with Wizards of Waverly Place, and it’s not really my thing, so it would be so amazing if Rebecca got into it!” Selena sounds so excited that I can bring myself to say anything so I simply smile weakly as the two friends gush about the opportunities I may have, like I’m not even here. 

“Excuse me for a moment,” I mumble but I don’t think any of them heard me, so I slip unnoticed out of the living room and into the bathroom, where I make sure to lock the door behind me. With a heavy sigh I look at myself in the mirror. The bags under my eyes are huge and very dark as I haven’t had a decent sleep in a long time; my skin is looking weird and grayish like I’ve been sniffing too much cocaine. I lift up in my shirt and regret it immediately when I see the faint outlines of my rips peeking out. My stomach rumbles, making me think about when I’ve last eaten. My search ends up blank and I frown, letting go of my long-sleeved sweater. Why must I be like this? Why can’t I take care of myself? Why am I such a screw up? How can I possibly expect anyone to care for me or love me, when I don’t even love myself? Before I know it I have tears streaming down my face as I sink down to the floor. I sniff and bury my face in my knees. I choke back a sob when someone knocks on the door.

“Rebecca?” Selena calls and knocks on the door once again, “Are you in here?” I guess they finally discovered I wasn’t there anymore. I take a deep breath, swallow the lump in my throat, and get up from the tile floor. 

“Yeah, I’m here,” I call out and wince as the nasty crack in my voice. I clear my throat, splash some water on my face, and dry my face in one of the fluffy towels afterwards. I cringe at my puffy, red eyes and my red cheeks. There’s no way to lie my way out of this one. 

“Are you okay?” I take another deep breath as not to begin crying all over again and swallow the lump in my throat. I open the door, expecting only Selena on the other side. My smile fades when I see that Demi is there, too, with a curious look in her eyes. I panic on the inside; Selena has seen me cry before and her I can handle, but Demi? It’s just too much for me for handle. Selena sees me and her eyes soften immediately as she takes into a hug without any questions. 

“Are you okay?” She repeats. I shake my head slightly and her arms tighten around me. After a few seconds, Selena directs me into her bedroom and makes me sit on the bed beside her. Demi follows and sit and the little chair beside the bed. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I shrug. 

“There is not really much to say. Sure, I wanted to become an actress when I was younger, before I started high school. Somehow, it turned into a childish dream.” 

“What do you mean?” I hesitate. I mean, she’s my sister and I may as well tell her - what difference does it anyway if she knows or not? It’s not like it means anything anymore. 

“When I started high school I was an easy victim for bullies. I was a small, pitiful girl that didn’t do anything to defend herself. I was their own personal punching bag,” I chuckle humorlessly, “I didn’t help that I was an orphan without a real home or a last name. I was the only kid in the school, in my year, that didn’t have a last name, you know? To them I was ‘No name’.” I don’t dare to look at any of them as I continue my story, “I tried not to take it to heart, but it’s really goddamn hard when you don’t have anything or anyone to hold on to. No one cared for me; I had no family, no friends, no one. At the orphanage no one wanted to talk to me mainly because I was the oldest one around. The closest to my age was a little girl named Sarah and she was eight. I had just turned 16 at the time.” I shake my head with a smile on my lips that hold no happiness at all. “There comes a certain time in an orphans life where the chance of adoption is as close to impossible as it gets. I crossed that line when I turned ten. It was clear that the people wanting to adopt when for the youngest children because they could still be formed into something else. After a while I stopped hoping, so when I finally picked up the courage to seek out my birthparents I was quick to do it before I would regret it.” There was a silence. I was sitting on the bed, looking down in my lap as I was speaking, clenching the material of the sweater in my fists so hard my knuckles turn white to prevent myself from crying. After what feels like forever, I’m being pulled into a comforting embrace and I know it’s Selena just by the smell of her perfume. Just by sensing her care for me and her warm embrace I burst into heart-wreaking sobs. 

“Oh, don’t cry, you’re going to make me cry,” Selena coos and traces small circles on my back. I finally calm down with only slight hiccups from crying so much. A hand rests on my knee and I look into Demi’s soothing eyes. 

"Even though I don't really know you, I can already tell that you’re a very strong person, and I know you can get through this. You just need a little help," Demi says. Me? Strong? That has got to be a joke! Crying is a sign of weakness. I'm weak. I'm nowhere near strong.

I get out of Selena's arms and stand up from the bed. 

"This day has been the happiest day of my entire life. I’ve got a family and a future friend and it just has to end up with me crying my eyes out over nothing," I say, getting frustrated with myself. "Crying is a weakness! Crying is what the bullies want from you, and I can't take it anymore! I don't know what to do," I add, feeling the tears build up behind my eyes once again. I can't ever stop, can I? I have to be strong just like Demi says I am. From now on I will not cry anymore – not over something like this.

"You really think you’re weak? Not worth it?" Selena says, looking at me in concern. 

"Yeah," I answer as if it’s obvious to anyone. I'm not going to show my emotions. I'm going be like a closed-up box. Nothing comes in, nothing comes out. I just stare into space until she says something I never thought would ever come from her.

"I know what it feels like, you know? What it feels like to be ignored; what it feels like to be unwanted; and what it feels like to be bullied – both online and straight to my face. I get hate every day from people I don't even know just because I'm famous. You're not alone Rebecca, you can talk to me about anything. Demi, I know you have been through it too and I'm so, so sorry I didn’t say anything," she confesses before bursting into tears much like I did just moments ago. I hurry to her and pull her into a tight embrace. I shush her and cradle her in my arms. 

“I'm so sorry Selena, I had no idea. Everything is going to be alright – I promise,” I whisper into her ear. Demi sits down by Selena’s feet and takes her hands in her own. 

"You don't have to be sorry Selena. If you hadn't found out about my problems they would probably still be there. I wouldn't have told anyone either. It's okay Selena. We can all three help out each other," Demi says, causing Selena to slightly calm down and look at the two of us. 

“I’m so glad I have you two,” she whispers and smiles a little smile. A tear travels down my cheek, and I give my twin sister a little kiss on the forehead. 

Let's just hope we’re right. I have this weird, uneasy feeling.

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