PainKillers

Serena has a dark secret about her brother Nate and it is eating her alive

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1. PainKillers

The packet read ‘painkillers.’ They are meant to ease the pain but they just remind me that the pain still exists. I swallow one, the two, then three. Three reasons why I have tried to kill myself and failed. Three reasons why.

 

The pain eats away at my inside. Eating away at the guilt. The guilt of what I have done. Nobody Knows. It is my deepest darkest secret, that needs to stay that way.  

 

‘Serena, come down for breakfast.’ Called mum.

 

Even mum didn’t know what I did. Everyone believes it was a freak accident that he was just drunk like always. But he wasn’t drunk.

 

I walk to the stairs and his door is still closed. Nobody has been in since the ‘freak’ accident. Mum declared it a shrine to him. That one day we would meet up again in death.

 

‘Morning, sweetie,’ dad says calmly as he kisses me on the top of my fair skinned forehead. As he leaves for work he shouts at us.

 

‘Will be back late, don’t wait up.’

 

Mum and I share the same look every Thursday. Dad like always is going to visit his grave.

 

Before I leave,  I look at my reflection in the mirror but I don’t see my reflection I see him. I jumped back in shock. I rubbed my eyes not wanting to believe that I saw my dead brother in the mirror. I slowly walked back to the mirror and I saw my own reflection.

‘Thank God,’ I whispered under my breath so that no know would hear me.


 

‘Get in or we will be late.’ Screamed Kelly from inside her Porsche.

‘ I’m coming,’ I tell her as I am running out of the house slamming the door shut.

 

Kelly has been my best friend for well since the beginning of time. I still wouldn't trust Kelly with this secret. I don’t know who she might tell. Her parents. My parents. The authorities. The possibilities are endless.

 

This secret was eating me alive and I need to tell someone. But Who? The counsellor will think I am crazy. Kelly wouldn’t think I would be capable of it. My parents would hate me and I already hate myself for what I did. I didn’t need anyone else hating on me anymore. My teachers and classmates would think that I am insane. As everyone believes I am an innocent Serena and not nasty Serena but I am only nasty to those that I hate which is my brother.

 

As Kelly and I arrive with 5 minutes to spare. Like at home, Northshore High School, was impacted hard by his death.

 

My brother was captain of basketball, football, soccer and swim team. He was in debate and he won all the trophies for the school. I was always in his shadow being compared to my oh so perfect brother. I envied him, all my teachers would say;

 

‘Why can’t you be more like your brother.’

 

‘I get it why can’t I be like my perfect brother.’ I am always thinking when they are talking to me about my brother.

 

I always want to scream and shout and say;

 

‘Sorry, that I’m different and I am not as smart as my brother.’  But I have learnt to control myself just about.

 

Even in school, there was a shrine for him. In a glass cabinet with all his trophies he had won, and with a picture of him underneath his name, ‘Nate Reynolds.’

 

All the guys worshipped Nate, they all thought he was a god. And all the girls wanted to date him, they all thought he was chiselled by a God.

 

However, I thought he was the devil incarnate. Only on Earth to torture me by being top of every class. I shared a completely different opinion to everybody else. Nate got the looks plus the brains and I just got the looks, the bare minimum too.

 

Nate was so perfect, people forgot that I was here. Mum and dad only threw him parties. Only got him presents. Only cared about her beloved son, Nate. And I was left in the dark.

He only got into one college DUke university. While I got into two colleges, MIT and Juilliard, both offering scholarships. Nate had all the girls mum and dad, only one college. Okay, so I beat him in some way there. Mum and dad favoured him, Nate got everything. Whereas I got treated like I was dirt. Dirt that no one wanted. That is why I did what I did.

 

Nate deserves everything he got. All I ever wanted was to have some attention but no that he is gone I feel ever more alone than ever. However since he has died in a freak accident but what I didn’t know was that everyone loved Nate and no one was ever going to forget, ‘superstar athlete the man of the hour’, Nate.

 

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