My Past, My Ghost

Jeg skrev det for nogle år siden, men ordne gælder stadig.

Det handler om mobning/svigt og mest af alt om spørgsmålet; Hvorfor? Det er skrevet i den mellem vej jeg stadig står på. Efter det er sket, men før det er glemt


1. Why, Why me?

Many years has past, but the memories still haunts me everyday. Everything they did, and the unanswered question why. Why me. I now know that I’m not alone, but why do I still feel this way then. I mean I’m older and defiantly not the same, but that little sad and miserable girl I ones was still haunts me everyday. I know it sounds stupid, but I, for some reason, want to make her proud. I just don’t know how. I mean I have proofed a lot of people wrong by being where i am to day, but I still don’t feel happy or at peas. I still feel that they were right in a way. It's that question WHY that haunts me. I so badly want to justify what they did to me for so many years, that i completely forgot how to look forward.


A lot of people don’t really know me because of that. Only those small parts of me that I’m willing to show them. Is a tool that my father taught me, as a way to protect myself from people who can hurt me. One thing that I have learned is that everybody can stab you in the back, even without reason to do so. I know its wrong to think that way, but I can’t help it.


I don’t want revenge for what they did, just a chance to be truly happy again. A chance to trust, without constantly worrying about if they really care about me or just want me to listen without really having to listen back.

I want to open up. I really do, and I need to. But I just still don’t believe that anyone will care enough about me or wont listen to what I got to say. I mean they forget. That's was hurts the most. They forget, but I don’t. And if they don’t remember, it must mean that they just don’t care enough to really listen. Right?

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