Anna's Journals

*This story may have elements that could be triggering to some readers, please scroll down for themes included*

Annabelle Jones is about to celebrate her 19th Birthday when the relationship with her best friend, Sapphire, takes an unexpected turn. Annabelle has to decide, does she take the trip her and her best friend have spent three years planning and go by herself, or does she turn away from a trip of a lifetime?

This story has themes of Romance, Friendship, Bullying/being bullied, mental health (specifically Anxiety, Depression and Derealisation) and similar realistic aspects.

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2. Chapter 1

Brrr… Brrr………. Brrr… Brrr……….

What?” I thought, dazed in the early hours of the morning, trying to look around in the darkness of my bedroom, I see nor hear anything else. I turned over to try and go back to sleep, the weird noise has finally stopped; it was probably dad, the Early Bird of the household, always the first up with his coffee and Stephen King novel, oh how he loves the horror genre.

Brrr… Brrr………. Brrr… Brrr……….” The noise erupts again, a bright light explodes in my recently darkened room.

I groaned, tightly pressing my pillow over my head, in hopes that it’ll muffle, if not silence, the sound and hopefully dim the brightness of the screen on my phone. Normally, I’m never the one to get phone notifications (especially this early on a Saturday), I lob my pillow, that I was hiding behind, hoping, praying, that it was in the direction of the noise.

“Oh, won’t you just shut up!” I bellowed, then aggressively laying back down like how I’d imagine a toddler, who was having a tantrum, would.

Great!” I sigh, thinking to myself, “Now I’m definitely up…

I lay on my bed, wide awake, my head completely flat on the mattress as my pillow was now over a small, irritating buzz-ing machine, I stare up to where my ceiling is – it’s completely pitch black again so I’m staring into nothingness.

Trying to convince myself not to get up, I mumble, “Annabelle Jones don’t you dare get up, you know it’ll be from Her” in all honesty, I scolded more than mumbled, or both, I’m not entirely sure.

I felt like crying again, like I have every second of every day for the past few weeks, if not a couple of months. The Her I was referring to was Sapphire Turner, a girl who goes against the meaning of her OWN name (we looked up the meanings of our names together once; ‘Annabelle meaning Loveable’… well, now I don’t feel like it’s true) ‘Sapphire meaning “A Gem” or “Beautiful”’ HA! Never have I read so much bullshit in my life. Well, that’s not true, I didn’t feel like that before when we first looked it up, there were compliments all around, a going joke “Alright Loveable?” “Alright Gem?” It was our little inside joke… the inside joke that became a joke itself.

I didn’t feel this way towards her, nor to anyone in fact, not ever, not before, it was just in this moment. I’ve never hated anyone before, but I’ve never hated Her more than in this moment (I know I’m contradicting myself but how else do you describe that… describe this… well, I – I don’t know what this feeling is, so how can I describe what I mean). But I couldn’t hate her. I couldn’t, it went against my beliefs, my morals, our promises… our promises that she broke too, we both made mistakes. This thought makes my heart sink. Did I have logic behind hating her? Of course, I did! But I was in the wrong too, my heart sank lower. I could feel the bitterness seeping through my skin.

My phone went off again.

“How could she?” I asked myself, tears started to flood my face again (a feeling too similar at this time of my life, too accustomed to my lifestyle). “Why did she do that?” More questions and memories flying at me, bringing all the pain back. “I thought I was over this,” I tell myself. “But why to me, after everything we’ve been through?”

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