Common Ground

Childhood friends, turned more, turned upside down


19. Finding Me

I was in tears, driving around, not sure where exactly to go. I knew where Trevor would go to look for me and I wasn’t sure I was ready for him to find me yet to be honest. I really needed time to calm down from all of this and I didn’t think this was going to do it for me today. I felt like I needed a friend, someone who could be there for me and tell me I was just freaking out and over reacting to literally everything.
I pulled up to Emily’s house and sat outside for a minute to compose myself, not sure what to expect. I never really went to her for stuff like this because I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable but she made it very clear none of this bothered her and I was really hoping she meant it. I knew Aviana would make a big deal out of this and I knew she was with Vienna so I needed just someone to calm me down. I finally got out of my car and went and knocked on her door.
“Can I help you?”
“Hi uh…is Emily home?”
“Yeah, who is this?”
“Oh sorry; my name is Bethany.”
“Yeah, hold on; EMILY! CAN YOU COME DOWN HERE, SOMEONE IS HERE FOR YOU!” A second or two later, Emily came stumbling down the stairs and clearly looked surprised to see me.
“Hey Beth, is everything okay?”
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
“Sure; uh, Kyle, we’re good here, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” Kyle nodded and walked off but not without looking at me once more.
“Are you okay?” Emily asked once we got upstairs to her room.
“Not really…”
“What happened with Trevor?”
“Wow…you’re good at assuming.”
“Yeah, I guess so. But why me? I mean, what about Aviana or Vienna?”
“Because Aviana hates him and she’s with Vienna and you were the only other person I could think of that wouldn’t blow this totally out of proportion so…here I am.”
“Valid enough; so what happened?” Emily asked as we sat down on her bed. I told her the whole story and she listened quietly, nodding every once and awhile like she was taking it all in.
“So yeah, after he said that I kind of just ran out because I was just in so much shock he would say something like that, because he never has before and I just needed to get out…” I said, finishing my story.
“Well fuck. I can’t say that shit has ever happened with him and me.”
“I don’t know if that’s good or not.” I said slowly.
“I mean, it could totally go both ways. I mean, think about it. He never really cared all that much when it came to me. So we never really had these arguments. We more argued about you, him not spending time with me, shit like that. Never about shit like this. So I mean it could have been just a dumbass slip up because he has this like really awful habit of saying dumb shit around people he likes.”
“And you know this how?”
“Oh fuck, because he would complain to me all the time about how you guys would get into fights over dumb shit and he would always say it was his fault. He never got upset about upsetting me the way he did you so that was when I first started to realize what was really going on in his head. So really, in all honesty, he could’ve just let something dumb slip out and now he’s dealing with the repercussions.”
“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but uh, dinner is ready.” Kyle said, walking in after knocking on the door.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Emily asked, looking over to me.
“Oh I don’t want to intrude.” I said slowly.
“Girl, you are high as a damn kite and I can see it still. You need some food in your system.” Emily said, half laughing, half smirking. “We will be right down; thanks love.” Emily said, turning back to Kyle.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, my parents don’t care. They love having company.” I nodded as we made our way downstairs to the kitchen to eat. And true to her word, they did not care having the extra company.

I had driven to the mountain and didn’t see Bethany’s car. I waited for almost 20 minutes to see if I had just beat her here but no such luck. I was starting to panic, not sure what to do at this point. I pulled out my phone, calling Matt.
“What’s up?”
“She isn’t here…”
“What do you mean? She’s not where?”
“Where she always goes when she’s upset. I don’t know where else she could possibly go.” I said, really panicking.
“Okay, calm down; Alexis, Bree, and I will split up and start looking for her. Well, more like Bree and I because Alexis is way too high to be driving.”
“Thanks guys…” I hung up and got back in my car, not sure where to start.
I was driving around the block, around school, everywhere in town basically, not sure what I was doing or where I should be going. I felt tears start to well up and I was trying not to cry, just trying to focus on what I needed to be doing right now.

“Thank you for everything, Emily.” I said as she walked me out to my car.
“Of course; I’m always here to help.”
“And you are still 100% positive this does not bother you? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way at all.”
“Girl, I would tell you if it was getting to me too much, I promise. I knew what I was getting into when I finally grew the balls to talk to you again.” Emily joked, smiling at me. I smiled at her and looked down.
“It really means a lot to me, and I love how we don’t let him get in the way of our friendship.”
“I love it too. I missed you.” Emily said, still smiling. “Everything will work out, I promise.”
“Thank you, Em. I really appreciate it.” After I hugged her goodbye, I got back in my car and made my way to my mountain. I was ready to be found for lack of better words.

“Are you really okay with all of this?” I turned back and saw my step-brother, Kyle standing by the door before he started walking over.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, rolling my eyes.
“She’s dating Trevor and comes to you for advice? You’re literally okay with that?”
“Well yeah, we agreed what happened is in the past, we want to be friends, and this is what friends do for each other.”
“And this is the girl that Trevor has been in love with for like, ever, right?” Kyle asked, crossing his arms.
“Oh my god; why are you asking so many questions?”
“I’m just saying; if it is, I can see why.”
“Dude, seriously? That’s fucked up. That’s my friend we are talking about.”
“I’m just saying. She seems to really have her shit together and if Trevor keeps fucking up, she’s easily gonna find someone new.”
“What the fuck do you know?” I rolled my eyes, then glared at him.
“I know how a guy’s mind works and I’m like 100% positive all his friends want her too.”
“How do you know that?” I questioned, knowing he was right.
“Because I’m not fucking dumb. Anyway, as long as you’re okay, that’s really all that matters.” 
“Yeah, I’m really fine. I was just making sure a friend was okay.”
“Alright, just making sure.”
“Hey, Kyle?” I called to him before he got inside.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Don’t do your Kyle thing where you fuck everything up, okay? Like, leave them be.”
“Yeah, I got you.” He smirked before walking inside and I rolled my eyes. Fucking asshole. This is why I try to avoid bringing people here at all costs; literally.

After driving around for hours I was about to give up when I saw a glimpse of her car in my rearview when I was parked on the side of the road. I quickly got my car back on and turned around, going after her. I really was hoping I wasn’t seeing things and it really was her; I needed it to be her.
I ended up following her car back to the mountain but she was already out of her car and probably making her way up when I got there. I threw my car and park, turned it off, and flew out of my car, chasing her up the trail. I needed to talk to her.
“Bethany!” I half yelled when I got to the top and saw her standing there, arms crossed.
“Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you…” I was gasping for breath but that didn’t matter to me right now.
“Okay, are you okay?” I reached for her arm and she pulled away.
“I’m great.”
“Okay, that wasn’t in the cute, joking way you and Emily do it in.”
“No shit.”
“Babe, I’m sorry…”
“Trevor, I want to be patient with you, I really want to be, I’ve really been trying but it’s like every time I do something it’s a problem and I don’t understand what I keep doing wrong. If you could literally tell me what I could do to make this better, please fucking tell me because I’m so tired of dealing with this like every day…it’s so beyond stressful on me.” I sad, finally turning to look at him. I went quiet, not totally sure what to say. She took me so off guard with her response and it was not what I wanted to hear, by any stretch of my imagination.
“What…what are you saying right now?”
“I want to know what I’m doing wrong to constantly make you mad at me. I don’t understand, I really do not get it at all.” It felt like she was staring daggers into my soul, almost like I knew where this was going and I didn’t want it to go that way.
“No, tell me.” She pushed and those tears I was holding back started to come down however her facial expression did not change at all.
“Nothing…I’m just…I’m not used to seeing this side of you so now that I’m seeing it up close and personally it worries me. I had no idea this is who you were and what you wanted. I almost feel like I don’t know my own best friend, my own girlfriend, and it really upsets me. It has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with me…”
“Examples please.” She crossed her arms and I looked down at me feet and ran my fingers through my hair before looking at her again.
“Okay; uhm, dropping out of school, the smoking, the amount of drinking you can actually handle, how damn great your voice is, your insanely incredible leadership skills…that’s what I can think of off the top of my head.” I looked around, not wanting her to see me really starting to cry. “I thought I knew everything there was to know about you and the fact that I really don’t bothers me. You literally are my best friend…it’s you and I versus everything and everyone, it always has been and I just feel like I don’t even…like you don’t even need me…”
“Need you? You’re getting mad at me because you feel like I don’t need you?” I nodded slowly, looking back down at the ground. “Fuck Trevor, I don’t need you. I fucking want you, okay? I can live my life on my own but it would fucking suck without you. I want you there, I want you to be a part of every good and bad thing that happens to me, I want to come home knowing I get to sleep next to you, I want to tell you about my day, I want to know someone in this world really cares about me and wants to be there as I get my shit together, I want someone to be there as I fight every day to find myself again since everything I knew was ripped apart by my parents, I want someone who is willing to text my brother and go to my parents’ house and take everything I own and bring it home…home to you, I want someone who it going to protect me, like you do. I want you. Shit, yeah I have my days where I desperately need you but believe me, I don’t want that every damn day of my life because I don’t want to become dependent on you. But believe me, I know I will have my days where I am so beyond holding myself up, so beyond getting through a day that I am going to need you. But you never want someone to need you, you want someone to want you and I fucking want you. And shit, yeah, there are things about me you don’t know and there are things about you that I don’t know but that’s life, that’s how it’s going to be and honestly, I love that. I love that there is always going to be something new to learn about each other; it’s part of the whole surprise, the whole adventure of being together. But you can’t keep getting angry and mad at me for every little thing. If something I do bothers me, tell me when it’s just me and you. Don’t snap at me in front of everyone. It’s going to be uncomfortable and it isn’t going to be fun, but having a conversation with me instead of just snapping at me is a lot nicer than just…whatever happened today to be honest. It will also end better than today did.” She sighed and looked over at the sky that was now filled with stars that lit up everything around us.
“I’m sorry…I never realized the difference…”
“I know that. But anyway, does it bother you that I smoke once in a blue moon, yes or no?”
“Uh, no, as long as I know you are going to be in a safe area.” I said after thinking for a minute.
“And is Alexis’s room, with Alexis considered a safe place?”
“Okay, problem solved. You don’t mind it once in a while as long as I’m safe and you know about it.”
“I never said I had to know…”
“We both know you want me to tell you if you aren’t around.” She pointed out.
“Okay yeah, true…I just don’t want to seem clingy about it.”
“It’s not clingy; it’s called being worried.” I went quiet as she sat down and looked up at the stars. “I have a question now.”
“Yeah?” I asked as I slowly sat next to her.
“Was that so difficult?”
“Uncomfortable, like you said, but no, not difficult.”
“Exactly my point. It’s better than driving all over town and looking for me.”
“Yeah, just a little.”
“I get I’m not a patient person, Trevor. I know that, but I really am trying. That’s why I walk away. If I stay every time you get upset with me, snap at me, yell at me, whatever it may be, I walk away because I know if I stay there I’d get even angrier and it would be a full blown yelling match.”
“I never understood why you walked away, but that makes sense.” 
“I just thought you should know since clearly you don’t like when I walk away.”
“No, I don’t. I want things to be fixed right away.”
“I typically do too, but I can’t do that. I need time to breathe and think over everything I am feeling so I don’t take my anger out on you when it could be something fucking dumb like this.”
“This is pretty dumb now that I’m thinking back on it…” I said slowly.
“Welcome to my world.” I looked over at her and she was smirking. “By the way, I do forgive you. I hope you forgive me too for not telling you why I always walk away, and for worrying you all night.”
“You know, I’m always going to forgive you. But it’s getting late, and I never actually told Matt and Bree I found you…and they’re also out looking for you as well.”
“Well then we really should get going.” She said, standing up.
“This mountain really is magical.” I said as we started down.
“What do you mean?”
“We always make up while we are up there.”
“Told you it was special.” She smiled at me and led us both down.

When we got back to the car, Trevor called Matt and Bree to tell them I was found and all that fun shit. I was waiting by my car for him to hang up so I could make sure he got home okay. When he hung up he looked over at me and walked over.
“I love you.” He said, pulling me in by the waist.
“I love you too.” I smiled and kissed him, playing with his hair as I did. “Don’t ever push me away or leave me…”
“I’m not going to…I want you around.” I giggled as I stepped back and grabbed my car door handle.
“I’ll see you at home?” I asked slowly.
“Of course.” I nodded and got in my car.
I was driving home in silence. I wasn’t in the mood for any music today. I didn’t know what on earth I was doing, what I was thinking. I knew from the beginning this was going to be a rough start due to all we had grown used to, how our lives were lived, but I never imagined it would be this difficult. But Trevor honestly said it best which surprised me; it was him and I versus everything and everyone.
When we got home, I went right for the shower and I think Trevor got home shortly after me, I never was paying attention to his car, just my thoughts and what was ahead of me. I was sitting in the shower, trying not to cry. I was holding back tears all day and I really didn’t know how to handle this. I wanted to do what he said and just keep pushing through because I did love him, I wanted to be with him to no god damn end, but I was so tired of fighting all the time. I needed it to stop; stop worrying about when our next fight will be. It was getting to be way too overwhelming.
When I got out of the shower, Trevor was nowhere to be found. I sighed and headed down into the basement and started playing some of my music on low while I pulled out the guitar there and started writing. I knew I needed to get all of this out. I knew my most recent song was accurate to how I was feeling but I needed something, something new.
“Hey babe…” I looked up and saw Trevor standing there with flowers.
“I’m sorry flowers?” I half smiled as he handed them to me.
“You remembered my favorite flower and my color…that’s impressive.” I said, half laughing.
“Well, I mean, besides black it’s red or purple and you’ve always liked roses…cliché as fuck by the way.”
“Gee, you really know how to get to a girls heart.” Trevor smiled and shrugged.
“I wouldn’t be me without a jack ass comment thrown in there.”
“This is true.”
“So what are you working on?” He sat down next to me and I just shrugged.
“I really don’t know. I just know I needed to be doing something and this is what came to mind. I haven’t really done much here.”
“What have you done?”
“Surprisingly, wrote some music.” I said slowly.
“Yeah, normally it’s the opposite. Maybe I can help; let me see.”
“Holy shit; you two drive me fucking insane.” Matt said, storming downstairs. “Let’s have a huge ass fight, make up, than just sit down here doing what the fuck ever.”
“We talked it out too, Matt.” Trevor said, rolling his eyes.
“What the fuck ever. I hate you two sometimes. You two are crazy.”
“Well if you want, you could help.”
“Help with what?”
“What Bethany started working on, which is definitely a band song; the music is fucking great.” Matt squinted at me before walking over and taking the paper.
“Okay, damn…yeah this is not a Bethany song.”
“Told you…” Trevor said, tossing him a pencil. Help Beth with the music, I already have lyrics for this shit.” He grabbed the other guitar as I kept playing, he joined in with me. Matt sat next to me, helping me continue as Trevor went back and forth with the two. Matt at one point grabbed his own guitar to join in and give it the real feel to what I was going for.
The rest of the night, until like 3 or 4 in the morning, this is what we were doing. We were having the time of our lives and Trevor and Matt were pumped and I was just excited I was getting better at writing music. It was never my strong suit and this alone just made me happy; I was able to write one whole song alone, and get help from my two favorite men for another one all while Matt was giving me helpful tips and advice on writing music. It really was helpful to me and I loved it.
When we finally made our way up to the bedroom, we were both way too exhausted to change and just fell into bed, assing out. Half asleep, I was pushing my pants off as I was trying to snuggle up to Trevor who I could tell was half ass laughing at me for the way I was struggling. I softly shoved him as I finally succeeded and kicked them off the bed and snuggled up to him, finally ready to sleep this whole wild ass day away.

When I woke up the next morning, there was hot coffee next to me but not Bethany. I sat up slowly, reaching for the coffee. I took a sip and made my way downstairs and found Bethany sitting in the kitchen with her friend, Kaylee.
“Oh hey Trevor!” 
“Morning…” I said slowly.
“Shit, just like Bethany in the morning.”
“She woke me up this morning.” Bethany pointed out.
“Well that’s so nice of you.” I said slowly.
“Yeah, I totally am stealing her for the day.” I nodded, not sure how to feel. After yesterday I kind of wanted her to stay with me but I knew that she needed time with her friends so I was not going to fight it. I knew I would want her around no matter what so I was just going to let it happen.
“What are you guys doing today?”
“Oh, lots of shopping, we may go to a show tonight.”
“A show?”
“Yeah, she got State Champs tickets so if we’re feeling up to it, we’re going to go tonight.”
“Oh cool; maybe you’ll see Kyle and Jax there.”
“Kyle?” Bethany asked slowly.
“Yeah, Emily’s step-brother.”
“I met him.” Bethany said slowly.
“Oh yesterday; I was with Emily.” I just nodded, not sure how I felt about that. I knew Kyle pretty well and was very well aware he was not my biggest fan due to how Emily and I ended. I also knew the kind of person he was and that made me even more nervous.
“Yeah, he’s kind of cool.” I said slowly.
“You don’t like him, do you?” Kaylee asked.
“Nope, not that much but I mean, before Emily and I broke up we got along pretty well.”
“Ah, that makes sense.” Kaylee said, nodding.
“But uh, I’m going to finish getting ready and then we can head out.” Bethany said, turning back to Kaylee.
“Sounds good to me. I’ll be here with Matt.” I looked over and saw Matt practically fawning over Kaylee which, I totally got. Kaylee really was a pretty girl; light brown hair, green eyes, on the shorter side; gorgeous girl. I always knew Matt had this thing for Kaylee but she was clueless as fuck. It was crazy how Bethany had this huge range of friends; a blunt as fuck Aviana, a quiet and calm Vienna, and a clueless Kaylee; it was pretty funny how Bethany managed to befriend everyone imaginable.
“How have you been, Kaylee? It’s been awhile.”
“Oh I know! But I’ve been pretty good! How have you guys been?”
“Yeah, Beth and I are good, the band is good, life is crazy but hey, it’s still great.” I said.
“How about you, Matt?”
“Oh, same as Trevor.” He just shrugged still staring at her and I was trying not to laugh. “I mean, minus the Bethany part.”
“Oh, no girl?”
“Nope, it’s been a couple years. Not many girls can handle the band life and the time and dedication it takes.”
“Oh I totally understand that.”
“Okay, ready.” I turned to the sound Bethany. I bit my lip when I saw her all dressed up; her purple hair all curled, her makeup done, the all-white sundress she was wearing, and the light brown tom wedges she was wearing.
“You look…stunning babe.” I said slowly.
“Thanks babe.” She smiled at me and I could only nod.
“Okay, we will see you guys later!” Kaylee said happily as she grabbed Bethany’s hand, dragging her out of the house as she waved to us.
“Dude…you’re drooling.” Matt pointed out, laughing.
“Who wouldn’t be? But forget me; you fucking like Kaylee!”
“Bro, shut up!”
“No wonder you won’t give Sophie the time of day.”
“Exactly my point; you like Kaylee!”
“Shut the hell up.” Matt grumbled, going to make more coffee.
“Are you going to tell her, or should I?” I joked, pulling what he pulled with me when it came to Bethany.
“Oh fuck you.”
“I love being on the other end of this shit.” I said, laughing.
“Yeah, funny; but let’s remember, she’s about 3 or 4 years younger than me; that looks weird.”
“Not really; we’re all still in high school. I mean, you could say Beth and I look weird with our age gap too but it really isn’t.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Why don’t you ask her out or something?”
“Yeah, I’m going to go with you on this; its Bethany’s friend, I feel like I should ask her about this to be honest.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” I said. “But either way, I think she would be cool with it. But I mean, yeah I guess asking Bethany is still smart.”
“Yeah, I just don’t exactly know how to ask her if I should do that.”
“Just ask her flat out.” I said, shrugging.
“Yeah okay.”
“That’s really the only way to do it, to be honest.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, I know, I know…” Matt said slowly before looking down and pouring himself a cup of coffee. I dropped it at this point, not wanting to piss him off.

“Okay so we totally need cute outfits for tonight.” Kaylee said happily when we got to the mall.
“Agreed; this would not cut it.”
“Of course not; but for right now, you look wonderful.”
“Why thank you.” I said, laughing.
We started searching stores for the best things to wear for tonight while Kaylee seemed a bit on edge. I wondered what was bothering her because she was the most carefree of all my friends. It worried me a little as she spent more time than usual picking out clothes.
“Are you okay?” I asked her finally.
“Uh I just kind of lied to you and have something to ask you…”
“What’s up?”
“So, I actually bought 4 tickets.” Kaylee said.
“Okay? Who else did you invite?” I asked.
“Well that’s the thing. I wanted to ask you about that…”
“Kaylee, I have no idea what you’re trying to ask me.”
“Okay, I wanted to know if you think Matt would like be interested in going…”
“Matt? Like Trevor’s brother, Matt?” Kaylee started blushing and I was smirking. “You want to know if Matt is interested.”
“Sort of…”
“Girl, why didn’t you just say that from the beginning?”
“Well I don’t know! I was scared to ask you, especially with all the new shit going on with you, I wanted to be there for you, not asking if you’d be cool with me dating like you’re best friend and shit. But I figured if you were cool with it, you could bring Trevor and it would like…wouldn’t be as weird and tense and stuff…” Kaylee said, starting to ramble.
“Girl, let me call them real quick.” Kaylee nodded as I pulled out my phone to call Trevor.
“What’s up babe?”
“Hey, quick question for you…”
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Do you and Matt have plans for tonight?”
“Nah, why? Wait, Matt, do you have plans tonight?”
“No.” I heard him say in the background.
“He said no.” Trevor said.
“I heard; well Kaylee was wondering if you guys wanted to go to the concert with us tonight. I mean Matt, but you know.” Trevor started laughing and Kaylee slapped my arm. “Shit, Kaylee; that hurt!”
“Oh no, we are 100% free and will be there.” Trevor said. I could hear the smirk in his voice and I started smiling knowing where this was going. “Sounds good; be ready by 4.”
“No problem babe; love you.”
“Love you too.” I said before hanging up. “It’s all set up.” Kaylee nodded, still blushing. “It’ll work out fine love.” I said, side hugging her. “I promise.” She nodded, clearly nervous.
We spent the rest of the later morning and afternoon shopping before stopping for some lunch before heading back to my place to get ready. We were waiting on our food as I watched Kaylee just pick apart a straw wrapper and I half ass rolled my eyes.
“Kaylee, why are you so nervous; like it’s only Matt. We all know everything is going to be okay.”
“I mean, yeah. He’s like super nice to me all the time but like you don’t find it weird?”
“If I found it weird, I would’ve told you. But I know that’s not what is bothering you because you know I would’ve said something. What is actually bothering you?”
“What if he doesn’t like me back?” Kaylee sighed.
“Let’s see how tonight goes, okay? I think everything is going to be fine, no matter how it ends.”
“Hey, after lunch here were going to go home, get ready and look all cute and shit…it’s going to be great and we’re going to have fun.” Kaylee nodded as our food arrived and we started eating immediately; shopping all day can really make a person hungry.
When we got home, Trevor and Matt were in the kitchen eating and we dragged our shit up to our room to start getting ready for the concert. I dropped my bags before getting in the shower and Kaylee started on her makeup. Tonight was going to be fucking awesome.  

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