a broken heart can never find peace except for a short moment in written words


4. 5


The Kübler-Ross model

( also known as The Five Stages of Grief and Loss )


It is important to say that each person who is experiencing grief do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them. Grieving a loss is an entirely individual and deeply personal experience. There is no one to guide you through it, no one that can tell you how it is supposed to feel. Accept the comfort your loved ones can provide and let them be there for you through this process. You have to allow yourself to move on, and remember that it is important to grieve and that it will take time to do so, so that you can start to heal once again.


Stage 1:

Denial and Isolation.

You refuse to think about what is happening. You ignore it, you push it to the back of your mind and you occupy yourself. You protect yourself as an immediate reaction to experiencing something terrible, and you buffer the fall from the grief before it has a chance to strike you. You block out the world and hide behind the lies. You do not want to experience the pain, but it is still there nonetheless. You seek out refuge, isolate yourself and lock away your feelings to forget about them for the time being.


Stage 2:


Reality sets in. You realize that this is what is really happening and you try to keep check of your emotions, try to reign it in, but you can not contain this many feelings all at once. You are not ready to face the facts, but they still stare you right in your face, looking you directly in the eyes and you are not ready to take it head-on, yet it is necessary to do so. You direct your anger at people that do not deserve it and circumstances that did not cause this. You resent yourself and you resent everyone else. You feel guilty for feeling this way, but you are not to be helped. You have to stew in your anger for a little while.


Stage 3:


You want to regain control of the situation. You start to think of alternative ways, methods, things that could have changed the outcome, things that could have made it easier for you and everyone else, things that you wish would have happened instead. You can not change the past. You can not change the outcome that these circumstances made. These are the consequences of life that you can not control, even if you did not want this to happen at all. Guilt sets in now stronger than you ever felt it before, because you start to think that if you could just have changed even one detail, you could have put a change in motion and you could have affected the current outcome and the situation.


Stage 4:


There are different ways that a depression can set in and different ways that a depression can feel to the individual experiencing it. You might feel sadness and regret as a reaction to the practical implications regarding your loss. You have to reassure yourself that you have not forgotten or been forgotten by your loved ones during this process. Maybe you might feel one of the other forms of a depression, one that sets in as a subtle presence, something that settles quietly within your being to prepare you for the inevitability of the last goodbye.


Stage 5:


This is the grieving stage that you receive at last, as if a present was being awarded to you. You might not be able to see over your anger or your denial, but this is the most important, most rewarding step you could possibly come to. You are not denying yourself the opportunity to make peace with what has happened, and you are not cheating yourself or anyone else by realizing that this is a vital step on your way to recovering. You might want to withdraw and you feel a calmness settle into your bones. Even if you are not feeling happy, the depression has vanished from your mind entirely. You are on your way to heal.

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