her (one shot)

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  • Published: 28 Feb 2018
  • Updated: 28 Feb 2018
  • Status: Complete
a one shot written about a boy who lost all that he had especially the only one thing he ever wanted. Her.

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1. one

It hurt to love her. It hurt every time I looked into those jade green eyes and saw her pain. When I yelled at her and called her vulgar names because I was insecure about myself. I knew our relationship was toxic, but I loved the feeling of getting burned. Dark. My love for her was dark. It was darker than a tragic suicide story, but that is what made her keep coming back to me. My extraordinarily beautiful girl was everything to me; my life depended on her. She saved me from myself, and from the demons I had crawling around inside my head. She knew them and she even understood them. Only she knew how to tame them. Olivia was the only person who ever loved me, and made me believe it. She changed me and she showed me that there is more to life than alcohol and violence. I treated her poorly; maybe that is why she finally had the self-respect to leave my drunken ass on the floor of our apartment. I remember that day clearly as if it happened only an hour ago. I stumbled through the door with a strong aroma of liquor on my breath. We fought only hours before about something irrelevant that I could barely remember after the alcohol invaded my head. It wasn’t even our worst fight-it was nothing, but it was the fight I dreaded having. It was the fight that split us apart. I called her foul names, and she called me a drunk. So, I left. The kind woman behind the bar listened to my sorrows as I buried myself in the alcohol she supplied me. I stumbled back home after the bartender kicked me out and closed the place down. Once I got back to the apartment I met with you only to see your sad eyes pouring into my grey ones. Your face read disappointment, and fright because you knew how I am whilst intoxicated. You told me that I was not a child that you were going to babysit any longer. That you are not going to sit here, and wait for me to come home intoxicated every night. You told me that you could not keep doing this- that you were going to walk out, and surely enough I let you. I dropped to my knees-not crying, but laughing at what a disaster I became. It did not feel real to me because I knew you couldn’t stay away. We were inseparable, and I knew you would come crawling back to me; it is what you always do. I let myself believe you were coming back, and so I waited until hours became days, days became weeks, weeks became months, and still you never showed. It took me 5 months to realize that you were serious and you were not coming back this time. That this was the time for you to move on from me. I contemplated moving on from you, but every time I decided on it, I told myself you were coming back, and so I waited once again-until that day. The day I saw you. It was just a regular day, the London rain added darkness to the sky. When I realized I had no food in my house, I went to the store across the street to go buy some. You were the one to always do that; I just did the cooking. As I was reading the back of a cereal box-that you loved-my cart accidently bumped into somebody else’s. I immediately looked up to see you? My heart sunk in my chest as I watched your eyes grow wide at the sight of me. My hair was a mess, I was dressed in my regular black jeans and a black t-shirt I slept in the night before, but you only noticed the life drained from my face. You on the other hand- you looked better than ever before. We stood in the aisle, the only two people there watching each other. Finally you had the courage to speak to me. You asked me how I was even though you knew the answer. I told you I was fine, because isn’t that what everyone says when they are not? I breathed out an I miss you and your face expression changed. You looked more impatient as your eyes scanned the aisle behind me not even acknowledging my statement. Suddenly a call for your name echoed through the air. I looked behind you to see an unfamiliar face holding up a can of some sort of food. He smiled as he walked toward you, and wrapped his arm around your waist. Bile rose in my throat as I witnessed another man touching you where my hands should be. You introduced Calum to me as your fiancé, and when I looked down at your hand a sparkling stone stared me in the eye. I wanted to kill the guy for taking you away from me, but realization hit me that you were the one that never wanted to come back to me. A year and a half later, and I would still drop to my knees and beg for you. Your new guy greeted me kindly, but I did not give him a second look. Does he treat you better than I did? I bet he does not come home every night intoxicated. Is he giving you the life you could never get from me? Is his love enough for you? I pictured this day every night for months and never have I thought that it would turn out like this. Does his love set a fire in your heart the way mine did? Are you even happy with him? I almost tell you that you should be with me but you wave me off after saying some words I missed, and walked away with him. I stood in the same spot as time passed over me. People were walking by me, the world kept turning, but mine just stopped. Suddenly my fists came in contact with shelves filled with boxes of food. Glass jars fell and shattered all around me, but I didn’t stop. Blood spilled from my wounded knuckles, but I didn’t even feel it. The only pain I felt is the hurting in my heart. The sight of you with him flashed through my head, and within seconds I was on my knees, my hands covered my swollen eyes as I cried tears into the palms of my hands. I tried to get the picture out, but all that seemed to be coming out is tears. A rainfall of tears spilled into the cuts on my hands, and burned me. The pain of sadness consumed me, and for a moment I believed that it might never go away. I felt your warm hand gently touching my bruised shoulder caused by a glass jar falling onto it. I did not bother to lift my head from my hands until I heard you call my name. Your hands pulled mine from my face, and clutched them in your lap. The contact stung my wounds, but I could not care less. Your thumbs lifted towards my face and wiped my tears away. I closed my eyes knowing this cannot be real until I felt your forehead pressed against mine. You told me to look at you, and when I finally did your eyes were filled with tears. I tried to tell you to go back to your fiancé, but instead all that came out is I love you. You started to sob still holding my face in your hands. I asked you what you are doing here with me but you shook your head not responding. After a moment you sighed and said I miss you too.

 

 

 

 

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