Inside the hospital

Taehyung and Jungkook are friends. They are gay. And they are in love with each other. But they get depressing news: Jungkook has a deadly illness. He can survive and he can die.


5. Let´s get that goddamn coffee



The hospital gives me a guest-bedroom, so I can stay at the hospital with Jungkook. I´m happy about that, cause I don´t wanna leave him. The nurse who sat with him when he waked up, shows me the room. It means a lot to him, you stayed when he was asleep, she says. Does it? I stop making my bed and look at her. She smiles. When I told him, you still were on the hospital… He looked so happy. I don´t really know how to react, so I just nod. Does he survive? I´m not sure, I want to know the answer, but I need to ask. I don´t know, she responses. He means a lot to you, huh? He´s my best friend, I tell her. Oh! I thought you were… like, you know, together? I can feel the warm in my face, that means I´m blushing. Uh, no. We are just friends. She nods. Regrettably, I put in. I realize what I just said, and blush even more. She just smiles. I will go back to my duties, she points out. I nod. And Taehyung? I´m sorry about Jungkook. I hope he´s getting better. Thanks, I say with a small, tired smile. And I hope you two find out, you know, with it all. She winks to me and we both laugh. It´s nice with someone to laugh with, in a situation like this. I´m going to drive home, to get some clothes, my toothbrush, and some books to read when Jungkook´s asleep. I don´t like to leave him, even though it´s only for a while. I drive a bit faster than allowed, because I want to get back to Jungkook as soon as possible.

When I come back to the hospital, I decide to write to my friends on Facebook. I want them to know what´s going on. So on my Facebook wall I write:

Hey everybody!

In the next time, I´m going to stay on the hospital. It´s not because I´m sick or something… It´s my best friend, Jungkook, which has a deadly illness, so I stay at the hospital with him. I don´t know if he survives or not. You are welcome to ask if you want to know more, I´m ready to talk about it. We can still hang out, but not as much as normal, because I need to stay with him. Hope you understand.

Love y´all <3<3<3

I let out a sigh and close the computer. In the cafeteria, I buy myself coffee, and sit down in “my” room and listen to music. Soon my friends begin to write messages to me. They say, they feel sorry, and stuff like that. I answer a few of them. I know I need to see other friends than Jungkook, so on Friday I shall meet up with my friends Yoongi and Hoseok, and Sunday some other friends, Namjoon and Jimin, takes me on shopping. It´s Wednesday today, so I have some days alone with Kookie. Honestly I don´t know what to do those days, but it´s nice having them.  


I sit beside Jungkook´s bed and wacth youtube. Seokjin says that he probably wakes up soon, and I want to be there when it happens. The door opens and Seokjin walks in.  He isn´t awake?  I shake my head. How are you? he softly asks. Me? I nod my head in direction of Jungkook. He´s the seek one here. Oh, I know. He crosses his arms over his chest and catches my eyes. But it´s hard to be friends with seek persons. I nod. I´m fine right now. But of course it´s hard. I´m afraid of losing him.  He looks on Jungkook. I understand you. I would be very sad, if my girlfriend could die. Yeah, I sigh. Wait a minute. We are not a couple, I tell him. He looks surprised. Aren´t you? I shake my head. But you are in love with him? Yeah, I am. We both look at Jungkook. How did you get your girlfriend? I quiet ask.  He bits his lip, trying to remember. I was flirting with her, and it felt like she felt the same, so one day I took her on a café. She asked me: is this a date? I said yes, and told her about my feelings. I was lucky, she felt the same. He smiled at the thought. I wish I was that brave, I sigh. I´m sure you are, he tells me. You just haven´t discovered it yet. Thanks, I smile. Wasn´t you nervous at all? I ask. He nods.  I was nervous as hell. Well, good, I was worried. He laughs. Do you want to hear a joke? I don´t think it´s the best time for jokes, but if it makes him happy… I nod. Okay, I agree. Okay, hear: I wanted to tell you a joke about animals, but it´s irrelephant. He bursts out laughing and I realize how special his laughter is: loud, sobbing. You can feel he means it, when he laughs. It´s like he can´t hold it back, can´t control it. I can´t help but laugh with him, not because of the joke, but because of his laughter. Then Jungkook moves his arm. We stop up and look at him. He looks confused on us. Hey, I say. He mumbles something, I can´t understand. I will get his medicine, Seokjin informs us, and leave. We sit in silence. Taehyung? Jungkook sounds clear and completely awake. Yes Jungkook? I love you. The whole room freezes. The butterfly-dude is back. What did you say? But before he can speak, Seokjin opens the door, and the moment is over. Jungkook is exactly as tired as before Seokjin leaved. His not in love with you, I tell myself. He wasn´t himself, he is seek and he woke up 5 minutes ago. He doesn´t thinks clear right now. But it doesn´t help. His words have taken my thoughts, I can´t think about other things than them. The are as burned into my head. I love you.

Hours later, I´m not closer to an answer, than I was at the start. I love you. Love you. Can it be true? I don´t want to think about it, don´t want to give myself a false hope. I love you too, Jungkook, love you too, I think. At least, I decide to ask Seokjin. Maybe he knows if Jungkook could be awake, could think clear for a moment, mean it. So, I leave “my” room to find Seokjin´s office. The corridors are long, and there are many of them. But I find it. I knock the door. Come in, Seokjin´s voice says. I open the door. Seokjin stands beside the window, just as first time I saw him. I step inside and close the door. I just want to ask you something, I explain him. Shoot, he calmly says, with a little smile playing on his lips. But just so you know, I know I´m handsome, but I´m not going out with you. Just in case. I roll my eyes. Ha ha ha, very funny. He laughs. Then he gets serious. Sorry. You had a question? I tell him about the episode with Jungkook. He stares thoughtful out the window. I waiting for him to speak. Not to make you sad, but I don´t think he was totally. He sighs and shakes his head. As you said yourself, he wasn´t completely himself. I´m sorry. I nod. It was what I said to myself. We stand in silence. Seokjin speaks first. Actually, I have a break now. Do you have time for a cup of coffee? Sure, I answer him. Where? Hmm, I know a coffee shop two blocks away. Great, I smile. Two seconds, let me change. He points at his white coat. Course, I´ll wait in the cafeteria. Seokjin nods.

Around me, people sits, eating or drinking. Some talks and laughs, some cries and looks sad, or just worried. I don´t what to do with myself, so I just stands awkwardly in a corner, and looks at the others. The door opens again and again, and people walks in and out. Finally, Seokjin arrives. I begin to walk in his direction. He discovers me and smiles. He has changed, now he´s wearing black jeans and a pink hoodie. Okay, I say. Let´s get that goddamn coffee.

Seokjin and I sit in front of each other, drinking our coffee.  We talk about random stuff, like families and friends. He is a nice person, sympathetic and actually kind of funny. So, do you have a job? He asks me. I nod. I work in a shop, selling cameras and photo things. He takes a sip coffee. They give you free for a time, right? Yeah, they wanted to give me a month, I reply. But I chose to come back after this week. He looks confused. Why? I let out a sigh. I think, I drive myself crazy, and make myself sad, if I just stay at the hospital all day. He sends me an understanding look. Ah, I understand. Excuse me? We both look up. A girl around my age, stands beside our table. Yeah? Seokjin responses. Are you using that chair? I shake my head. Just take it. Thanks, she says, with a shy smile. After that, we just chat, till his break is over. Before we go back, we get each others phone numbers, in case something happens to Jungkook, and one us aren´t there.

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