Inside the hospital

Taehyung and Jungkook are friends. They are gay. And they are in love with each other. But they get depressing news: Jungkook has a deadly illness. He can survive and he can die.


7. Jungkook is worse


I lay alone in my bed. I don´t know where people are and I don´t care. I want to be alone with my thoughts. My head is full of Taehyung. His smile, his eyes, his face. I think about how it would be to kiss him. Special one scenario returns several times to my mind:

It´s night and everyone´s sleeping. But I can´t. Someone knocks the door. Come in, I whisper, turning my head, so I can see the person. It´s Taehyung. I can´t sleep, he says. Can I be with you? Just come, I answer. He closes the door, walks over to me, and lays down in the bed beside me. The light is still off. We are both under my duvet, really close. I move even closer, just wanting to feel him. He leans over me. Our noses touch each other and I can feel his breath in my face. I can´t fight the desire, so I kiss him. He kisses me back, and soon his tongue is in my mouth.

We end up spending the whole night kissing.

But it´s just in my head. It´s probably not getting real. But I like to think about it.


Saturday goes without something big happens. I talk to Jungkook and Seokjin. I text with some friends. I listen to music and take pictures of the hospital. Or just eat. Don´t belittle to eat. It´s actually kind of funny, and it´s just nice.

Sunday morning, I hurry to get in the clothes. I waked up a bit too late, so I´m a bit stressed. But out I go. The sun is shining. I wish Jungkook could come out and enjoy it. I sigh and go to the bus.

Namjoon and Jimin already stand outside the shopping center. Hey guys, I say. They say “hey”, and we walk inside. They don´t ask about Jungkook, and I don´t say anything neither. It´s good like that.

We shop for a while and then sit on a café. Ehm, guys? I say. Hmm? Namjoon looks up from his tea, with an eyebrow raised. Only one. I think about telling them about Jungkook. But before I can do so, my phone rings. I apologize, walks out of the café, and take the phone. It´s Seokjin. Hello? I say, with my heart beating in my chest. Hello Taehyung, Seokjin´s voice says. What´s up? I worried ask. You better come over now. Jungkook is worse.

We are all three sitting in Jimin´s car, driving much faster than allowed. I don´t know what to do. I just want to be with Jungkook. When we arrive the hospital´s parking lot, I quickly thank the guys for driving me, and then jump out of the car, and run to Jungkook´s room.

 Jungkook lays in his bed, looking like he´s peacefully sleeping. But I know better. He´s about to die. The room is full of doctors and nurses. Seokjin´s face is worried. Good you came so quick, he says through his teeth. He points at the chair beside the bed. I sit down, trying to handle it. He can easily die. He can die right now. To my surprise, I can´t cry. The tears won´t come. I take his hand. If I don´t say it now, I never say it. So I lean forward, and say it clearly in his ear. I love you!



I am so tired. Under me, there is darkness. I can rest in the darkness. The darkness is attractive, but it also scares me. But I can rest there. Just a few minutes, then I´m ready again. Just a few minutes. Far away, someone talks.  I just hear the mumble of their voices. I begin to fall down in the darkness. Then a voice sounds closer than the others. I know this voice. It´s Taehyung. Taehyung is talking to me. Now, I hear what he is saying. I love you. He said, he loves me. I want to get up to him. Up and tell him, that I feel the same. But it´s hard. The darkness is drawing me down. I try to fight the darkness. Up to Taehyung, I think for myself. Up to Taehyung. I don´t know how long we fight, me and the darkness, but at last I open my eyes. Everything is blurred. I can see faces, but not clear enough to say who it is. Jungkook? a voice questions. Tae? I try to say. But the sound doesn´t come. My lips only move a little. Seokjin, he´s awake, Taehyungs voice sounds. I discover his hand in mine. I hear Seokjin send all the others out of the room. I´m so glad that you woke up, Taehyung tells me. He repeats it again and again. I want to tell him, how I feel for him. Want to tell him how much it means, that he stayed with me. But I can´t speak. Seokjin gives me something. After some few minutes, that something, makes me feel a little better. Taehyung sits beside me, holding my hand. Gives me hope.

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