The Deepest Place In My Thoughts.

This "story" is just a place where i can leave my thougths.
Every little detail of it.
i'm not really sure, if anyone will ever read this, but if someone do, and they can relate at any point.
Write a comment or something, it's not always a good thing to be alone.

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2. Sleepless.

For the 3rd day in a row, i'm still sleepless...
As i'm just laying here, i keep wondering.
When did my life turn so horriblely wrong, that i went on and lost myself?
When did i stop laughing, and start crying this much?
I feel like i have a knife in my heart. 
a knife, where love and godness is suppose to be.

All my friends think this is just a fase.
me on the other hand, i think this is just how i'm suppose to be.
Karma is a bitch i guess.

My 20th birthday is around the corner, and i'm more scared than i've ever been before.
I can't even make up my own mind, to actually get my stuff out of the boxes standing around my room, and i moved back home in October 2017.
Everything is just a blur to me.
Everything i once loved, is just a memory now.
I can't even write my stories anymore.
I loved writing.
I loved singing.
I loved hanging out with my friends and my family.

now the only think i love, is peace from everyone and everything.

What happened to the once always smiling, joking around kinda girl, that he once fell inlove with?
What happened to th girl, who always had something good to think about, when everything seemed grey?

Is it possible, to be so unhappy and miserable that you can't sleep?
You just can't seem to find the peace and relaxation it demands from you?
simple tasks, that you once found so easy. 
is now the most, difffercult thing you're facing?

I'm reaching a point, where i can't even make a choise for myself anymore.
Do i want to help my friend and drive him back home, or do i wanna lay here and cry all night?
I've made it to the point, of no return.
My friends can't even get a straight answer out of me anymore.
They can't count on the things i'm saying. "Yeah, i'm free tomorrow, let's hang out"
By the time tomorrow arrived, i hided away and made sure that they couldn't find me.

Is it really possible for someone, to completely lose who they are?
If this is how my life is going to be from now on, i might as well just end it.
Life is suppose to be amazing, making you feel like you're really living and enjoying everyone around you. 
Which again, isn't the case here.
How do you fix something you've broken into a million pieces?
I know you can't fix something completely, but you can put the pieces back together and hope that the glue will stick.

The only problem now, is that i'm missing the glue. 
I'm missing the reason for everything to get back into place.

I'm missing myelf.
I'm missing who i am, and who i'm suppose to be. 

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