The Deepest Place In My Thoughts.

This "story" is just a place where i can leave my thougths.
Every little detail of it.
i'm not really sure, if anyone will ever read this, but if someone do, and they can relate at any point.
Write a comment or something, it's not always a good thing to be alone.

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3. Reminders.

On this page, I wanted to right down exactly how I felt, but somehow the paper stayed empty, and I couldn’t have described it any better.

I realized, that the reason I made a new user instead of just using the one I already had, was because my biggest fear is, that eventually you will see me, the same way I see myself.

I made myself anonymous.

So no one could pin me down.

Sometimes all I can do, is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep, before I fall apart.

I’m torn.

Torn between wanting to get better, and staying in this hole.

Cus in the hole, I’m not letting anyone get close enough to hurt me.

If I stay here, I’ll never get heartbroken again.

But I’ll also never smile the same.

I haven’t cried in days.

It’s like I can’t.

But I feel sad.

I feel utterly broken down, with no way to express it...

At this exact moment, I’m lying in my bed.

Sick.

I’m throwing up, have a fever and a crazy migraine.

I can’t help feeling like it’s karma.

Like all this guilt is making me sick.

I tried to text him again...

Practically begging him, to show up at my birthday...

When did it all get so out of hand for me?

I’m usually not the type to beg people for anything.

But I gave in.

I just miss him so much.

I find myself checking his social media’s daily.

Just to see if he’s okay.

And if he is still with her.

And it breaks my heart, a little more for each time I see that he still is.

I can’t seem to let anyone in anymore.

Everyone around me, is getting in to a relationship, and honestly...

it makes me want to stop talking to them.

I can’t help, but feel mad and upset about it.

How come, that they get to be with the one they love and I don’t?

I know that’s a horrible way to see it, but that’s how it is.

The reminders of him, just won’t seem to go away.

I’m stuck.

I want to go see him.

But I’m afraid he’ll ask me to go away.

I won’t want him, to see me like this.

No one is ever going to see this side of me.

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