The Deepest Place In My Thoughts.

This "story" is just a place where i can leave my thougths.
Every little detail of it.
i'm not really sure, if anyone will ever read this, but if someone do, and they can relate at any point.
Write a comment or something, it's not always a good thing to be alone.


5. Alone.

The thoughts are coming back... 
Just when i thought things were going great for me... 
It all came crashing down apon me, when i least expected it. 
I'm once again torn. 
Torn between what's right, and what's right. 
No matter when, or how i try, it just won't work out for me.

I moved into an apartment with my younger sister, thinking everything would finally be okay, and i could get better. 
but, aparently everything i do, is wrong.

Both my sister, and my best friend "Who is sleeping on my couch every night" has a boyfriend, and i hate their guts.
Or i mean, i don't like the way they are treating my girls.
I try daily to make my sister see, that her boyfriend is the devil, but she won't listen. 
They break up almost every single day, becasue of who he is, as a person. 
A 13 year old teenage girl in his head.
Threatening with suicide if she leaves him, and then tries to make it seem like everything is okay, when she gets weak and goes back to him.
I'm sick and tired of everything.
When i try to make her realise, that he isn't good for her, she just makes it about me being jealous. 
I'm not jealous btw. 

I'm broken. 
I can't even sleep in my own apartment, without feeling like i'm the most lovenly person on earth. 
She tells me daiiy. "You don't have a boyfriend"
I'm being reminded by my own sister, every single day, that no one wants me.
I'm crying myself to sleep at night, and pretend that everyhing is fine day after day.

No one gets me.
I am alone. 

I just want to be able to walk into my own home, and not be greeted with couples and kisses. 

My sister thinks that i'm just being a bitch.
That i'm just saying no, when both her and my best friend asks if it's okay, that their boyfriends sleep over.
When i really just don't want to lay in bed, and think that i'm the only one, who doesn't have someone to hold me close at night...

This tears me apart day by day, and i don't know how long i can keep doing this anymore. 
If you have an advice.
Please help me.

I wanna get better and feel like i'm all i need. 

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