My pulse

An emotional and sensitive teenager transforms over-night due to an expierence. She is now known as the girl who hooks up with every guy she sees, the girl known as the most badass girl in town. Everything changes when the new boy comes to town...but is he more special than she thinks?

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9. Murderer

"How's your rib Amber?  You scared Josh over here last Tuesday, he was worried" said Samantha.

"I should've been there for Amber before things got as far as they got" said Josh.

"Don't blame yourself, it was my own mess" I said.

"What was it even about?" asked Samantha.  "I think Amber prefers not to tell" said Josh.  "She can talk for herself" said Samantha.  "I'd rather not say Samantha, sorry" I said.  "You can call me Sam" she said.  "I don't know..." said Josh.  "Josh, please stop talking for me, I'm right here, you don't have to be responsible for everything, go out have some fun or something.  I'll be here with Sam" I said.  "Thank you Amber, I'll do just that" said Josh looking at my eyes.

In Sam's room..."Let me paint your toe nails" said Sam.  "Sure, I'd like that" I said.  "What colour?" asked Sam.  "Black" I said automatically.  "What's the deal with you and black?  Are you mourning?" asked Sam.  "Not mourning but black reflects how I feel" I said.  I couldn't help but notice how alike Sam and Josh were, they had the same facial features, both tan.  Even though I'm from California as well, I'm a pale peach.  "Sometimes I feel black too, like there's something missing in me" said Sam, understanding exactly how I felt.  "Yeah, that's black to me" I said.  "I mean I have Josh, he's my world but ever since my parents died a part of me died too.  I know Josh has it too but he won't admit, he won't show, to appear strong in front of me" said Sam sadly.  I reached forward for a hug, seeking comfort both for myself and for Sam.  "He's been happier around you, less guarded and he looks less stressed" said Sam.  That would make the two of us then.  "He does fill a bit of my blackness too" I said.  "Well, now that we're technically besties, we can say anything to each other right?" said Sam.  "Yeah sure" I said with a smile.  "What do you think of my brother?" asked Sam.  "Well, he's a good friend, he makes me the happiest I've been since..." I paused.  "Since?" said Sam.  "My break up with a guy named Edward two years ago" I whispered.  "Your blackness?" whispered Sam.  I nodded.  "I loved him, he cheated on me" I said, tears forming involuntarily.  I'm angry at him why am I crying?  "I'm sorry" said Sam.  "Don't be, that's all in the past" I said trying to compose myself but I couldn't, the wound reopened.  I sobbed silently, hurting my rib in the process, feeling a bit breathless.  "You must think I'm such a baby" I said.  "You lost someone you loved like I did, worse, you were betrayed" said Sam.  "You are very mature for a fourteen year old" I said.  "It's the reason I don't have much friends" said Sam.  "They don't deserve you, I don't deserve you, or your brother either" I said.  "Shhh, you're the best thing that's happened to us since we came here" said Sam.  I sighed.

"What happened?" asked Josh worriedly, seeing my puffy eyes. 

"We were just talking" said Sam from the sofa next to me.  We were eating the ice cream.  "It's nothing you should be concerned with" I said still sniffing a little, embarrassed of Josh.  "You started eating the ice cream without me!  Traitors!" said Josh.  "We couldn't help it, it's so good" said Sam.  "I have to go do my homework, I'm behind already" said Sam as she got up and left for her room.  

"Anyways, you said you'd beg to get the ice cream, so that's what you're going to do if you want the ice cream" I said to Josh.  "No, I was just kidding" said Josh, about to sit on the sofa next to me.  "I wasn't" I said pushing him up again with my foot before he even had the chance to sit down.  "Oh come on Summers, don't torture me like this" said Josh, kneeling down in front of me.  His puppy eyes were so adorable.  "I'll have to think this through" I said, dramatically pretending to think.  "I just want some ice cream" said Josh.  "Kiss me" I said. "What?" said Josh surprised, but he got up and moved towards me.  "You should have seen the look on your face" I said laughing loudly.  He realised I was kidding.  "That was worth it because I got to hear your laugh" said Josh sitting next to me with a spoon in his hand.  "This really is the best ice cream ever" he said, an expression of bliss on his face.  "Yeah, ever since I was little, I remember my dad making ice cream.  He still hasn't told me what his secret for such great ice cream is" I said.  Even Edward used to love it.  I sighed looking down at me, I was feeling self-conscious again.  Josh didn't ask.  I like that about him. 

"You know I'm crazy right?" I said.  "No shit Amber" he said.  "I'm serious, I've done things" I said.  What am I doing?  "So?  You're a phsycopath, I can live with that" said Josh.  "Josh, I almost killed someone" I said.  "Do you want to talk about that?" he asked, eyes wide.  "Not really but I thought you should know" I said.  "I'm not giving up on you" said Josh.  "You should be afraid of me" I said.  "Amber, I've seen you around my sister, you're not crazy, at least now you're not for sure" said Josh.  I let my tears escape.  I almost killed him.  It wasn't on purpose but that doesn't change that I almost killed him.  What if I had?  I would have had to live with that guilt all my life.  "Hey now" said Josh, trying to comfort me.  He hugged me, rubbing my back soothingly.  I cried even more.  "I almost turned into a murderer" I sobbed.  "Amber, we've all done things we regret" said Josh.  "I'm a horrible person, I don't deserve anyone, there's this darkness inside me pushing me; hate, revenge, anger.  I let it take control of me.  What if it happens again and this time I really kill someone?" I said.  "It won't, you're a strong independent woman, you can take care of yourself" said Josh.  "I sleep with people, you call that a strong independent woman?" I said.  "But you also care about other people's lifes, you know what's right and wrong, we're all human after all" said Josh.

"Oh god I'm such a big mess" I said in an attempt to wipe my eyes.  It was only then that I actually felt Josh hugging me, it was like a sharp jolt through my body.  Josh felt me twitch and let go of me.  "You can't see me like this" I said in an excuse to get away from him. I went into the bathroom and stared at my face in the mirrors.  I could kinda see what Josh was saying about my eyes but apart from that I was a big pile of shit.  My eyes and my hair matched in colour.  I tried washing my face as best as I could with one arm.  After doing everything I could do, I went out again.  As I was going to open my mouth, Josh said "I know what you're going to say, I won't tell anyone about this, it'll be our own little secret".  "You don't mind?" I said.  "No, but you'll have to talk to Lara and Stacy eventually" he said.  "Ok, thanks Josh" I said.  "You want to stay for dinner?" he asked.  "Sure, thanks Josh I'd like that" I said looking at him.  He smiled.  "Sam, come here help me fix dinner" shouted Josh.  I got up to help as well.  "No, Amber, you stay there" he said.  I sit down again and watched as Sam and Josh made dinner.  I couldn't help but watch Josh and his graceful figure sweeping around the kitchen, humming to himself.

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