Where Do We Go From Here?

The Diary of a real girl, terrified and facing al the issues she was told she would never have to.

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2. 14.12.17

Dear Kato,

                   I have no idea how these things begin. Hi I’m Jupiter, I have pink hair, stretched ears and do drugs? I mean that’s how I introduce myself to the general public on the daily. Not today though of course because I hate everyone sometimes and the entirety of this particular December day is just one of those days. Isn’t that how this usually works? I just start gabbing about myself? Isn’t that just exceptionally narcissistic. Why my therapist suggested narcissism is far from understanding since a symptom of sociopathy is egocentric behaviour and my therapist has genuinely told me I should be a sociopath based off all of the bullshit that has happened in my life. Sometimes I question whether or not the switch has flipped yet, in those times where I sit, fists clenched, contemplating murdering every insignificant asshole on the planet. However, I am well aware that if I was a sociopath currently I would follow my thoughts without hesitation, instead I sit back and wait for karma to do its beautiful magic.

Right now I sit in the library writing this and getting easily distracted, for example I genuinely just did an ADHD test and got distracted by the fact it had a 90% certainty I have ADHD so I called my doctor and asked. I get fun diagnosis every now and then, just two days ago my doctor told me I have lactose intolerance so yesterday I ate two plain cheese pizzas because I’m smart as is my friend Jacob, who ate the pizzas with me and is also lactose intolerant.

I seem to keep finding myself in bad company with those dodging the police. I assume that must come with a lifestyle that involves underage drinking and abusing illegal substances like the ‘Devil’s lettuce’ itself. The problem is that the people themselves aren’t bad company. They’re genuinely nice people, except Hal, fuck Hal. See the issue is that most of the time I don’t realise they’re wanted criminals till they hand themselves in or get caught. Tiny, who ironically caused his own form of an eclipse when he goes outside, recently got sentenced to two years’ probation for breaking both side of his friend’s jaw with one punch whilst drunk. Logan walked up to coppers and simply handed himself in last night. I see an issue in the fact my friends are criminals, other than the fact that I get to sing Heathens by Twenty Øne Pilots and it applies.

 

I have problems.

 

I remember seeing Tiny in a youth centre on Tuesday and continuously hugging him and yelling “I’M SO GLAD YOU AREN’T IN PRISON!” over and over again. Although Tiny wasn’t the only person I saw on Tuesday who I wasn’t expecting to see. Brody Arkin, a bone head bass player, and his beautiful albeit insane girlfriend Chrissy Melson. This dude slept with me after his Chrissy left him and made me feel like I meant the entire world in order to do so, she thinks we only kissed but she got bitchier than anything else and I got legitimate death threats. Chrissy pulled my hair, I screamed at her to ‘Back The Fuck Off and she got scared, not scared enough though to end the rumour I slept with Brody for drugs. Of course I didn’t sleep with him for drugs, I can afford my own weed but that’s beside the point. We sorted the situation out peacefully and shared a joint, only then she got back in a relationship with Brody. Yet again she kicked off because she went through our texts and he said he loved me. I thought I was pregnant with his child and tried to tell him but the asshole put his phone on speaker phone despite me saying it was confidential and she kicked off, therefore I lied and said I slept with my ex-boyfriend and that Brody knew before everything kicked off that I thought I was pregnant. So basically loads of shit went down.

 

The only issue is when I messaged him asking for his email since I was his band’s photographer before I quit, I got a response from my drummer (also his but MINE) Allie, reading “He said can you send them to Leo (Leonardo Lake, my guitarist, Brody’s vocalist) cause he doesn’t want anything to do with you” to which I started both sobbing and laughing and responded asking why he was being nice on Monday  and she told me that “he said you were a dick bc you were trying to get involved in  him and Chrissy.” The problem is that I am not trying to involve myself in his relationship, he can do what he likes, he started all of this and the only time I got involved was when he was being a dick to me so I did the same?

 

Beth keeps yelling at me though because despite all this shit I’d still go back to him in a heartbeat and that’s the worst part about of all of this, because in order to use me for sex he made me fall in love and let me smash on the floor. I don’t know I’m just furious.

Gotta go do a test. See ya. 

Love Jupiter x

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