The Christmas Universe

Santa Claus has always hid his mortal enemy from the world: Krampus. But now, the Christmas devil breaks free to wreak havoc upon the good boys & girls of the Earth. Santa bands together a crack team of elves and fellow fairy tale creatures to get him back where he belongs. Has elements of comedy, sex, parody, and horror.


1. The Evil Escapes

"Oh Santa, you old fool, you're done. I'm going to escape this year, and there's nothing you can do about it." The evil Krampus sneered at the jolly old Santa, standing on the other side of the jail cell's bars holding while he laughed to himself. "Oh Krampus, face it, you're never going to get out of here. I have elf guards up those stairs and all around my Christmas castle. And, if you ever did get out, you again have me to tangle with!"

"You're nothing but an old weakling now Santa. You may have defeated me in the past, but my minions are granting me power as we speak. And, it's just about ready."

"Krampus, enjoy your holidays! I'm going upstairs now."

Krampus ran up to his rusty jail cell bars, glancing quickly at Santa, who was just about jolting out of the dank, dark cellar. "You run old man. Because when I break free from this rusty cage, I will run through your army of wimpy elves and destroy your jolly, bright heart, flooding it with darkness."

Santa turned around once more to face his old nemesis. "We'll see then, won't we?"


Night fell over the castle. Santa had just taken a shower, nice, hot, and steamy, and climbed into bed with Mrs. Claus. "Hey, Mrs. Kringle, what's new with you today, sexy babe?"

"Oh Santa, I hate when you talk like that. And how can you always be so calm with their dreadful demon locked below the very place we rest our heads!"

"My magic is still too strong for that demonic Krampus to handle. Now please, I've been talking about that monster all day. Can't a guy just sweet talk his wife before bed?"

"Christmas is in two days Santy. You're skinnier than usual and nobody cares about traditional toys anymore. You know this to be true!"

"Look, the kids' parents like health and exercise these days! I'm just trying to be a good role model." Santa rolled over on to his back and sighed. "I'm just scared I'll have to give it up. Some children just straight don't believe in me anymore. And you know my magic weakens as more kids don't believe."

"What if Krampus uses that weakness to escape captivity?"

Santa sat up and slammed the bed. "It won't happen damn it! It can't!"

"Then why are you so afraid?"

Santa and Mrs. Claus looked at each other in silent fear.


Krampus sat on his little bench, as water dripped, dripped, dripped to the side of him, drenching his long, flowing cloak with every drop. The sound drove him mad, and he constantly clenched his evil claws in and out to relieve the tension. "Feeding time, Krampus!"

A little elf walked into the room. "Stand up, monster, and face the wall! I'll shoot otherwise."

"I know the god damn drill."

Krampus placed his long, deadly claws on the cold, brick wall. The elf opened Krampus' cell, and placed the demon's food near the entrance. With a flash, Krampus was on the elf in a second. The elf looked up at Krampus in pure terror. "What, how?"

"Belief in Santa is dead. The last little girl found out the truth, giving me the perfect strength and opportunity to do what I needed to. Be thankful I kill you quickly. Santa and that dreadfully boring Mrs. Kringle won't get the same pleasure." Krampus laughed violently as he snapped the elf's neck and proceeded to drink the blood. "Ah, the taste of victory. Now, you Santa."

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