The Gods Returned, Huh?

Cassius works for a business that helps deal with problems. That's his job, to solve problems. however, the problems he solves aren't normal. Not only that, but they are often fantastical.....and dangerous. This is one of his more tame jobs.


3. It's a Rumble, I Guess

      I'm waiting there. Waiting for the fight to start. I get hired to fight some degenerate deities, and yet I still have to wait for them. I just want some sleep. But I suppose I've had worse cases. Last job I was given, I was tasked with getting a trident from Hindu demons. Shiva helps us out, so it was only reasonable to help grab his trident. I went in and fought those demons until I got that trident. It was a tedious and tiring process, and all I needed was rest. Now these fucks ruin my day, and I have to beat the shit out of them. I hear a sound coming from afar. I turn my head to see who's coming my way. I see a big man, with a brown hair and hazel eyes and a shirt that says, "I'm stronger than you." Next to him is a redhead man carrying a large hammer, and a great beard. he is dressed like a biker, but even more scummy. You've got to be kidding me. Hercules and Thor. The two biggest meatheads I know. As they approach me, they start to slow, and I see an anger in Hercules' eyes.

   "YOU!" Hercules exclaims.

    "Oh, hey there guys, good to see ya," I respond. "Herc, you look like the patron god of frat boys, as always. Thor, you drop some weight, big guy? seems like that gut is starting to disappear."

   Thor get's angry, his eye's starting to turn into a stormy grey. "Watch yourself, king of no one, or I will beat you."

    "King of no one? That's a new title. I guess it makes sense, Olympus isn't what it used to be. Still, at least I was remembered by an animated children's film. You're remembered through comics, wearing a stupid fucking helmet with wings on it."

   Now they're angry. It doesn't take much to piss off two warriors. They weren't known for being clever, they were known for being strong. I wave them over, taunting them to rush in. That did it apparently. The street was pretty much empty, but there were still some cars parked around. Hercules grabs one with one meaty arm, then throws it at me. Shit, wasn't expecting that. Maybe taunting wasn't the best move. I roll out of the way of the car. As I get up, Thor's hammer is flying towards me. I get smashed in the face and sent sprawling across the floor. That hurts. With a grunt I return to my feet. Hercules is charging towards me now. Well, looks like I have my opening. He tries tackling me like a linebacker, but I resist. I am being pushed forward slowly, feeling the gravel chip as i fight against his tremendous strength. Enough. I stop him right there, grab his head with both my hands, and smash my knee into his nose. He is sent stumbling backwards, and before he regains his composure, I throw a front kick to his chest, sending him flying backwards. Thor is surprised for a second, looking at Hercules struggling to get up. He quickly turns back to me and throws his hammer. I sidestep the flying object, and grab it by it's handle. Fool me once. Then I feel the hammer violently jerk my arm towards Thor's direction.

   "That won't work, idiot," Thor bellows.

   I get clothes lined immediately. I fall to the ground, hard. Damn. He's not too bright, but he is a war god, a warrior with skills exceeding many. Thor lifts his mighty hammer into the air and lightning strikes it. He looks down at me, with a strange sense of glee. No, no, no, no, no. He better not. But he does. He smashes his hammer downward. I roll backwards, landing in a squat, feeling the air pass by my head as his hammer crashed down. I tackled him, pushing him back. I walk towards him, ready to finish this, when I feel the weight of a bus crash into me. I'm sent flying into a wall.

   Hercules grabs Thor by the hand and picks him up. Great, this is going just as planned. No, i'm just kidding, it's going terribly. I get up, wobbly, and rush towards them. Hercules smashes his elbow into my skull, and Thor sends a lightning bolt into me. They're tag teaming me like it's a fighting game. I have no idea how people could actually find this enjoyable. Fighting is fun. but this isn't fighting, it's mortal combat. 

   "Stay down, little god. The Morrigan disrespected us. We are going to keep destroying it until she isn't capable of using her magic. Until she realizes she can't stop us from destroying the place. Until she apologizes," Hercules tells me.

   You're fucking with me, right? So basically, they come out here once in awhile just to smash up her place, because they insulted her? She keeps fixing it with magic, and doesn't actually need me to beat them, she just enjoys the idea of a fight? I'm doing this because a war goddess is slightly irritated. I'm fucking done. I stand up. I wasn't going to, but I guess I have to. I walk towards them. Hercules sighs, then grabs a car to throw at me again. I'm not having this. I snap my fingers. A  lightning bolt strikes down the vehicle. No more. They're surprised. Thor throws the hammer at me. the stupid hammer. I grab the hammer in front of me. I am sent flying towards him. Right as I get there, I let go. As the hammer lands back in his hand, Thor is left open. I feel a surge of energy in me. I feel electricity tingling on my skin. I send him flying back with a strike of lightning to his chest. I turn to Hercules. he's stunned. He tries to grab me, but I block his forearm. i grab his shirt collar, reel back my head. then, with all my might, I pull him towards me and give him an electrified headbutt to his face. He falls to the ground clutching his face in agony. I look over and see Thor trying to stand. He raises his hammer and a bolt comes to his hammer. he throws it at me. Not this time. I absorb the blow, ready. Then I snap my finger, and point at him. A bolt of lightning hits him and he falls, defeated. 

   I calm down after a few seconds. Christ, what a fucking mess. I walk towards the pub, and see Morrigan standing there, smiling. I have quite a few words to exchange wit her. I turn to the two fallen gods. "You've got plenty of lives to live, don't waste this one!" I yell. 

   "So, you did it." She says.

    "Yes, I did, of course you knew  would, you just wanted some fun.," I respond, angry.

   "So what if I did? You survived, they won't bother me again, and I have a story to tell my sisters." 

    "Remind me, why do I help conniving war goddesses like you?"

   "Because, you're a gentleman, aren't ya?"

   I grunt. I guess she's got a point. She didn't need my help, but I would have taken the job even if I knew that. I guess it's in my nature to uphold justice, and all that shit. Christ, reincarnation sucks. no matter what, my past life is going to affect me and me choices in the present. That's something deities have to deal with. I walk away sore, and rub my shoulder. This was one painful night. 


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