Solace ~ h.s.

If he weren't there... I don't know what would have happened.

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46. ⪻ 46 ⪼

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You know that fuzzy feeling you get in your head after a night of heavy drinking? Me too, and I haven’t even opened my eyes yet but I already feel it brewing. There’s this distinct pounding in my head, like a drummer in your favourite rock band going to town on their solo, and I immediately regret turning to alcohol to fix my issues last night.

Letting out a large sigh, I roll over onto my side and consequently into Harry’s hard body. The side of my face comes into contact with his warm chest and my leg instinctively folds in between his parted legs. The feeling of our warm, bare skin pressed against each other is almost the perfect hangover cure. It’s heavenly and relaxing and comforting and…

Bare skin.

Almost too quickly my eyelids snap open to meet the tattoos littering Harry’s bare chest. I don’t move, scared that if I make another move Harry will wake up and I don’t want that until I’ve had time to assess the situation.

Moving my head ever so slowly, I look down at my body pressed firmly up against Harry’s. Though the sheets are pulled to my chest I can clearly see that I’m still wearing my bra, and I can feel the lace of my knickers riding up my bum, so thank God? With a slight brush of my knee upwards I can feel the familiar fabric of what Harry normally wears to bed, cotton Calvins.

Thank God.

From beneath me, I feel Harry move, probably due to the fact that I’ve been wiggling about for the last couple minutes trying to figure out if Harry and I made a crucial step in our relationship last night whilst utterly pissed.

“Morning.” Is all he says, his deep morning voice floating through the air and sending chills down my spine. He seems completely oblivious to our practically nude situation and apparently unaware of our predicament.

“Uh, Harry?” I mumble, skipping over the good mornings. He hums in response, his arm snaking around my waist to pull me flush against his body. “What happened last night?” My face turns upwards to get a look at him as his eyes flutter open to the world. For a split second his gaze is directed to the ceiling but as his hand rubs up and down my bare back it slowly falls to my face.

“I’ve no clue.” He answers, shuffling around a bit to get a better look at our two bodies.

“Did we -?” Without even finishing the question, Harry is shaking his head no at me and I find myself releasing a large sigh of relief.

“I don’t think so. It would appear that things were leading to that, but we both must’ve passed out.”

“Thank God.” I breathe out, running a hand through my tangled hair as I roll onto my back to lay beside Harry. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to do that with you, I do.” I assure him, fearing that my words were a little too harsh. “I really, really do; but we’re taking things slow.”

With a lazy smile and droopy eyelids, Harry looks over to me and nods his head.

“Much like you took those shots last night.” He reminds me, causing me head to automatically start spinning again.

“Those were taken far from slowly.” I mutter, pressing my eyes closed before turning into Harry’s chest and burying my face flush against the crook of his neck. “My head is spinning.”

“Mine too.” There’s a beat of silence between us, before Harry presses a kiss to the side of my face, that’s surely caked with last night’s makeup and regrets. “How are you feeling about everything else?”

I had hoped that after all the drinking we had done last night and the raging hangovers were both nursing this morning that’d we’d forget about having to talk. But we are talking about Harry and he never forgets anything, so it was foolish of me to wish that it’d slip his mind.

“I figured you would have forgotten about that.” I say to him as I pull myself up so that I’m sitting back against the headboard, with the covers pulled up to my neck to keep me warm. Harry’s body follows in suit, sitting beside me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

“I was sober when we promised to talk.” He reminds me, pulling me into him to snuggle. I chuckle lightly to myself and nod my head as I nuzzle my face against his neck.

“Touche bįtch.”

“Did you quote Bo Burnham?”

“What can I say? That man has a way with words.” Looking up at Harry, I see staring down at me, knowing exactly what I’m doing; avoiding the question at hand. “I’m fine, Harry. I’m a tad upset, but I’ll get over it.”

Whilst there’s really nothing for me to be angry about, I am entitled to being sad. Ever since finding out about my adoption, I had high hopes for my birth parents. I may have told myself that I wouldn’t get my hopes, but I did; it happened.

I imagined discovering the identity of my parents, two loving people that were just too young to parent a child. I saw a man who was accomplished beyond his years with a successful job; and a woman who overcame the hardships of teenage pregnancy and giving her daughter up for adoption, blossoming into a wonderfully successful woman. She would be beautiful, and from the photos Lorna showed us, she was. He would be handsome, and from the only photo Lorna had of him, he was alright.

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t know.” I say, sighing deeply as I stare down at my lap. “I don’t want to feel sad or upset, but I’m human; I can’t help it. I just wish I could have met them, you know? I wish I could have met Grace and whilst Edan wasn’t exactly the father figure I was making him out to be, I still would have liked to meet him. I wanted to show them that I turned out okay and that I don’t resent them for giving me away. They did what they had to do.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry apologizes, kissing the side of my head softly.

“It’s okay.” I assure him.

There’s nothing either of us can do about it. I can’t bring them back to life, and neither can I. We can’t change the past, and whilst that can be stressful and sad, things happen for a reason. The car crash happened for a reason; without it I wouldn’t have met Harry. Would I change the past if I could? I would get my parents back, but I’d lose my Harry. I lost my adoptive parents too, what do I get in return?

“I want to take you somewhere today.” Harry tells me, drawing me out of my philosophical thoughts. He kisses me again before standing from the bed and wandering over to his exploding case. Sitting straight in bed, I clutch my legs to my chest, folding my arms around my legs.

“Why?” I wonder, trying not to sound too ungrateful.

The original plan was to leave today open to do whatever we’d like with my birth parents, or have a relaxing day in bed if things didn’t go so well. I’m fully prepared to spend the day nursing my hangover, ordering room service, and taking a hot bath before going to bed at a reasonable hour.

“To get you out of this room and get your mind off of things.” Harry lists, rummaging through his bag to find some clean clothes.

“Does it involve more drinking, because I don’t think my liver can handle any more.”

“No more drinking, promise.” Just as he says that, his phone buzzes on the side table. Both of our beds fit to the phone, but soon enough Harry loses interest and goes back to his case. “Would you mind checking to see who that is?”

Without a word, I roll over and grab his mobile phone, looking at the home screen that displays the message. A loud laugh bursts through my lips as I open his phone and see the full extent of the words typed from his friend.

“What?” Giggling, I read the text messages received:

From Liam: Mate, have you asked her yet? Either she said yes and you two are humping like rabbits or she said no and you’re sulking. Which is it?“ I read, unable to keep the cackling to myself. “How buddy-buddy are you and Dr. Payne?”

“Close enough that I’ve told him of my plans to make you and I official; and of course, close enough to trust he take care of you whilst you were in the hospital.” He says, smirking over his shoulder at me.

Standing from my spot in the center of the bed, I walk over to Harry and hand him his phone.

“Tell him what you’d like…” I walk past Harry, fully aware of the fact that I’m only clad in my bra and knickers, and peer over my shoulder, “I’m going to hop in the shower.”

And with that, I leave the gulping and wide-eyed man standing behind to take well deserved shower before this adventure.

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