The Proton, the Neutron, and the Electron. (A Funny Short Story with Scientific Wordplay)



1. The Proton, the Neutron, and the Electron. (A Funny Short Story with Scientific Wordplay)

It had been a long day and we catch the friends at the dinner table getting ready to eat dinner.

The proton spoke first, “Well, my day was amazing! I had a good run that recharged my whole body then ate a whole hatful of kiwis!”

“You’re so weird! Who measures their food intake by the hatful?” asked the electron.

“What can I say? I’m quarky,” replied the proton.

“You mean, quirky*? Fool!” the electron shot back.

“Stop being so negative! Geez!”

“I’m sorry, it’s been a rough day...someone charged a lot of money from my account and now I’m literally in the negative,” said the electron.

“If you call your bank as soon as possible they can trace the fraudulent activity and reimburse you your money,” suggested the proton.

“Are you sure?” asked the electron.

“I’m positive,” replied the proton, smiling.

“This guy!”

“Has anyone seen my new puppy, Adam?” asked the proton.

“You named your dog Atom? Poor dog!” screamed the neutron.

“What’s wrong with Adam?” the proton demanded.

“Can you believe this guy?” the electron asked the neutron.

The neutron looked at both of them and asked, “Can’t we all just get along?”

“Why are you always so freakin’ neutral!” shouted the electron. “How would you feel if you had lost this much money and the moron sitting across from you just kept making jokes?”

“Well,” started the neutron calmly, “first of all I wouldn’t get charged, because I’m me. Second of all I’m always calm. You two are bipolar. Polar opposites. I guess you could say that you two are in love with hating each other but there is an attraction there, no doubt.”

“I think Adam is still at obedience school,” said the proton.

“Really? Because he failed his last obedience test!” scorned the electron.

“I guess you could say, ‘Adam bombed the test’?” the proton replied with a smirk.

The electron facepalmed. “This is why I have a room with the Covalents next door, they know how to treat an electron! Every time your antics get me all worked up, I’m happy knowing that I can stay with them for a while,” said the electron.

“I guess you can say that we have you have a bond with the Covalent family,” said the proton.

“Will you just shut your—”

“Well, I don’t trust those Covalents next door: they’re atoms and we all know they make up everything,” said the proton.

“They’re nice units of mass!” interjected the electron.

“I wonder if they go to Mass? Are they Catholic?” asked the proton.

The electron rolled its eyes, “You’re an imbecile!”

“I say we move next to the Ionic family so you can just live there permanently! You’re always movin’ around and we can never find you, anyway! Why can’t we be like the Noble* family up the street? They’re so stable and don’t start nothin’ with nobody, never overreact, and are just chillin’ on the right side* of the block!” screamed the proton.

“I think that would be fine, or I could stay with the Covalents, too! It’s all the same to me at this point!” shouted the electron.

“I guess you could say that you’re neither here nor there about where you end up,” was the witty reply of the proton.

“That’s enough!” shouted the neutron, shocking everyone. “Eat your food and go to bed!”

(The end)

*Quirky means to have strange or unique qualities

*Noble gases- gases that are chemically stable and have very low chemical reactivity.

*Noble gases are also found on the right side of the periodic table.

For the complete lesson, along with reading comprehension questions, visit

#science #shortstories #scienceteachers #wordplay #puns #sciencehumor #sciencejokes #sciencelessons #ilovescience

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