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  • Published: 28 Sep 2017
  • Updated: 8 Nov 2017
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Good things come to those who wait.
This too shall pass
No baby can ever replace another, every single baby is unique and precious, some are born and others aren't, any child that is born following a child that died isn't a replacement, they are just a longed for sibling and a gift to their family


13. One Last Try

October 2026

Lana’s POV

It’s been a month since Fred and I went to England to adopt Asa but returned empty handed. Asa was never meant to be ours. I roll out of bed and walk to the bathroom. Since our return from England I’ve been feeling ill and nauseated. Every morning I run to the bathroom and get sick. It happens throughout the day too. I bend over the toilet bowl and let last night’s supper just come out.  When I’m done I wash my face and just stare at my reflection.

Fred comes up behind me and kisses my neck. He kisses my cheek and then turns me around to kiss my mouth. He wraps his arms around my waist and picks me up to sit on the counter. I wrap my legs around his waist and we just kiss. He moves to carry me to the bed but I push him away.

“I’m not in the mood. I feel like crap. I’m sick.”

“What are we going to do today?”

“Pack up the nursery. I think after six tries it’s time to throw the towel in.”

“What about how good things come to those who have patience? What about miracles happen just before you’re about to give up?”

“Those are just sayings and they won’t give us a baby. We have one little girl with her five siblings up there. It’s too late for us. We were just never meant to be parents. And the doctors don’t know why I have repeated miscarriages.”

“Lana…how about we go to Dr. Elliot and ask her why you had four miscarriages.”

“Okay…I guess.”

Fred carries me to the bedroom and puts me down on the bed. He walks over to our closet and tosses me my favorite pair of skinny jeans and the shirt I stole from Rebecca’s closet when she said she would be my surrogate. The shirt was a dark green with little green apples on it. It still brought tears to my eyes every time I wore it.

“I miss her.”

“I know you do.”

“She was pregnant with our third child.”

“I know. The day after she died you found out you were pregnant with our fourth.”

“Six children later and still not a baby in that nursery. Do you think I was ever pregnant with a boy?”

“Yes, I do. But, we planned for a girl.”

“Our nursery is still empty.”

“Drop it Lana. I’m sick of hearing about how you lost six children. I lost six children too!”

Fred storms out of the room and stomps down the stairs. I sit on the bed and cry. Finally, I pull on my clothes and silently walk down the stairs. I find Fred in the living room looking through our book of pictures or our book of sonograms. Each baby had a sonogram except the one Bex was carrying.

“We don’t have one for when Bex was pregnant.”

“Yes, we do…it was found in the car. She was at the doctor when they found out. It’s in the drawer.”

I walk over to the drawer and pull out a sonogram I had never seen. I put it in the scrapbook and kiss Fred’s cheek.

“I’m sorry Fred. I won’t ever bring them up again if that’s what you want.”

“It’s good to remember but you have to remember it wasn’t only you. It was me too.”

“Are you ready?”

“For what?”

“You’re dragging me to Dr. Elliot.”

“Yeah, go get in the car.”

“I love you Fred.”

“I love you too Lana.”

       We get into the car and drive to Dr. Elliot’s office. Her office is almost empty. Her assistant takes us back and I change into a nightgown. I sit on the bed and wait. Fred and I just stare at each other as we wait.

“Fred do you remember when we met?”

“Ten years ago? Four years before we got married, yes I remember. I’ll never forget what you said and how it happened”

“I was buying coffee and you ran into me. You made me drop my chocolate mocha with a double shot of vanilla. Rebecca was waiting in the car for me. Your best friend Marcus was waiting in the car for you. You bent over to help me clean up my coffee and I said “I’m want to have your baby”. Then two months later all four of us were on a double date. Then we got married and two months after we got married Bex and Marc got married. They never got to have their own children because she was pregnant as a surrogate with ours.”

“I was so surprised with what you said. I said ‘okay’.”

Dr. Elliot comes in with her clipboard and smiles. She pulls up a stool and sits.

“So, what’re we in here for today?”

“We want some answers. I want to know why I’ve miscarried four times.”

“Your uterus isn’t normal. It’s abnormally shaped and your cervix is too thin. Every time you get pregnant your abnormally shaped uterus bends and the baby’s mass hits your cervix and you miscarry.”

“Why weren’t we told before?”

“You never asked.”

“Don’t you think you should’ve said something?”

“My apologies. Yes, I should’ve said something.”

“Fred, she didn’t and that’s fine. I’m not mad at her.”

“We also have some statistics. Since your uterus and cervix is hard. One out of every five pregnancies succeed. You’ve been pregnant four times. Your next pregnancy is most likely going to work. But the baby has a 75% chance of being a preemie.”

“So, I can carry a baby long enough for it to live?”


“Another question why didn’t the surrogacy work with Sigourney?”

“Septic and preeclampsia is normal for someone her age. All I can say is bad surrogacy picking. And the one with Bex didn’t work because the accident.”

“So, I can get pregnant and I can have our daughter?”
“Yes, you can have a baby. See good things come to those who wait.”

“Fred…let’s get started. Let’s make a baby.”

Fred and I leave the office, go home and we get busy.

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