Brainwashed

Evelyn Rose Williams had always been an independent woman, a rare and uninviting thing in the 1930's. It wasn't until a man saved her life and showed her a side of herself she didn't know she had, did she realize how much help she was going to need in the world she was now dropped in. Death, chaos, love, pain and torture, a mixture so deadly no one can survive....no one but them. Evelyn will do everything thing she can to take him back, even if that means falling down the same rabbit hole.

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8. So Far Away

Chapter 7 ~ So Far Away April 27,1937 Evelyn, consumed by her fears, began avoiding Bucky and Steve. She would make up excuses on why she was so busy, saying that she needed to take care of her father or the bookstore was making her stack even more books. Bucky pretended he understood and that he was okay with it, but he wasn’t. Instead of facing Evelyn and questioning her like he knew he should have, he spent time at Goldie’s Gym with Steve. He had began to train Steve in hopes of bulking him up so that when they went to the recruitment center, they would make it in. Bucky knew that he would make it, he had the skills and a lineage of military family. “Why don’t you talk to her? It’s been weeks since you guys even looked at each other,” Steve asked as he held onto the punching bag, out of breath. He stared at Bucky as he laid hard punches to his own bag. There was a landing right hook before Bucky growled, grabbing and stopping the sack of sand mid swing. “I don’t know what’s wrong,” Bucky huffed in frustration,” Ever since that night at the bar, she’s been avoiding me like I’m some dirty schmuck.” “I think you should talk to her and see what’s up, who knows how long we have left here before we ship out,” Steve was right, there wasn’t much time. Bucky was worried about two things, Steve and Evelyn. Steve was still stick thin and his asthma kept him from training as long as Bucky. Bucky didn’t think he would make it and the thought of losing him on the battlefield made his stomach churn around in knots. He couldn’t help think that he could prevent it somehow. Evelyn was the only woman in his life now and with his strong feelings towards her, he couldn’t bare losing her too. No matter how strong Bucky made himself physically, he was weak when it came to love and to family. “You think she’s avoiding me because I might enter the war?” Bucky asked as he rested his head on the hanging bag. Steve looked at him before walking over to sit on the floor, sweat dripping from his brow. “I think that’s exactly it. How many girls you think would want their boyfriend to go off to war and be perfectly okay with it?”Steve took a sip of his water before he poured some of it on his face. Bucky stared at him long and hard before returning to the punching bag. Steve knew he was right and he knew it bugged Bucky about Evelyn. Even if he wasn’t the center of Bucky’s attention anymore, he knew that he was still his friend. Evelyn meant more to him than anything and the thought of them fighting, made Steve feel like it would really hurt Bucky. “I’ll talk to her later tonight, once she gets off her shift at the bookstore. Things will get better,” Bucky grunted hopefully as he kicked the bag. It flew back and swung as he walked away from it. He was certain things were going to work out, they had to. He was just as scared as she was about leaving but he would never leave her alone, maybe physically but his heart was hers. It would stay with her and be with her wherever she may roam. He didn’t want to leave her waiting. He was so hung up in his own fear he didn’t stop to think about hers. ~ Bucky showered himself and dressed up nicely before making his way to the bookstore. He had followed Evelyn to work and waited for her plenty of times before to know when her shift would end. He leaned with his left shoulder against the shop’s window, a small bouquet of wild daisies in hand. He was a few minutes early and he could see Evelyn’s figure moving around the store at a busy pace. A tall stack of books in one hand and a handful more in another. He watched with a goofy grin on his face, wrinkles forming at the corners of his eyes. Evelyn’s feet moved as if she was dancing between the tall standing shelves. She categorized the store front to back while she was hiding from Bucky. It was the only thing that could keep her from going insane. As she placed the last book on the top shelf, she glanced outside and saw him. Her breath immediately hitched itself in the back of her throat. She wiped off her hands of the dust and told the owner her shift was over. Grabbing her coat, she moved toward the door, she wanted to stop and lock herself in but her feet carried her like a moth to a flame, her flame. Bucky. “I’ll be back tomorrow, Mr. Thomason,” Evelyn called out with her coat now on, as she turned to exit. She was met by Bucky’s excited blue eyes peeking over a handful of daisies. She let out a nervous laugh as she moved around him, like a clever fox avoiding a hunter’s trap. Only Evelyn wasn’t clever this time. “How’s my girl?” Bucky asked as he handed her the flowers. Evelyn took them and forced herself to smile. She began walking towards her home and as per usual, Bucky followed. “ I’m good,” Evelyn was able to utter out. Bucky scooped up her hand in his, bringing it up and planting a kiss on her knuckles. Evelyn’s heart leap out of her chest and then dropped down to her feet. Her fears that she tried to suppress came flooding back. Her stomach was fluttering in a mixture of doubt and fear. “It’s so good to see your beautiful face,” Bucky squeezed her hand and smiled at her softly. He was met with the fear in her eye and an uneasy smile. He knew right then that Steve was right or at least he thought. Bucky bit his lip before he pulled Evelyn into a nearby ally way. “What’s going on?” Evelyn asked as she exchanged a concerned glance with Bucky’s intimidating one. The silence of the ally surrounded them. “I can ask you the same thing,” Bucky scoffed. He wanted the truth from her, to see her again. “What do you mean?” She tried to tiptoe around the problem as the fear bubbled in her stomach. She was made but she didn’t allow herself to confess. She couldn’t. “Why are you avoiding me?” Bucky inquired, his voice sounding more stern and demanding than he intended, “You haven’t talked to me in weeks and you keep saying that you are busy. In all honesty I think you are just saying that so you don’t have to see me.” “That’s not true,” Evelyn lied. She felt her grip on the flowers tighten as she released her other hand from Bucky. She began backing away, feeling the walls closing in around her as her fear screamed in her face. She felt herself losing control of the situation. “Well then what is it?” Bucky stepped to her and she stepped back again, “ why are you acting like this? Did I do something wrong? What’s the matter?” Evelyn felt her body go into overdrive. An anxiety taking over, her hands shook uncontrollably. She couldn’t answer all of the questions and she was feeling the anger build up from the pit of her stomach. All of her fears and doubts came up like vomit. “I don’t know!” Evelyn screamed, “why do you insist on going some place that could take you away from me? Permanently? Why do you do all these nice things and then decide to just up and leave?” Bucky stood there as he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Before he could respond she belted out another angry attack against him. Her words echoing in the ally and in her ears. “You know I was fine before I met you, now I can’t even eat without thinking about you. Why do you do this to me, huh? Is this some sort of sick game to you where you just butter me up and leave to go off to war? Why are you doing this to me?!” “Because I love you god damn it!” Bucky growled out in a fit of rage. His metallic blue eyes were piercing right through Evelyn’s green ones. He spoke the words before he could think. The words were true even if they were said in anger. This was real, he had said the words to her and this time she could hear him. Evelyn stood there in stunned silence unable to speak another word. Her eyes began to fill with tears. Her world seemed to stop and the fears only seemed to increase around her. “I do these things for you because I love you,” Bucky’s words were softer now, “I don’t want to leave you but I have to do what’s right for my country. I could never fully leave you, I want to leave my heart with you because, well, because you are my girl. I’m hoping you love me too, and that you take my heart.” Evelyn couldn’t breathe, she looked at him through glossy eyes. Still as a statue, she stood there unable to think as he spoke. He was leaving and yet he loved her and wanted to give her his heart. He wanted to take hers but she didn’t know if she was willing to give it away. She didn’t want it broken or to lay in his hands as he dies on the battlefield alone. Her heart, gone, along with his love. “Do you love me?” Bucky asked as he took another step towards Evelyn. He noticed her chest heaving up and down as she took in rapid breaths. Her face looked pale as if she was about to faint. “Eve?” “No,” Evelyn whispered. Her tears fell down her cheeks as she looked at him, broken hearted. She couldn’t think and it was the first thing she could say. She didn’t want to lose him. “W-what?” Bucky asked as he heard her. He didn’t want to believe it. He thought she was going into shock and about to drop at any moment. He moved forward again but Evelyn’s hands went limp. She dropped the flowers and took rapid steps backwards. “No!” Evelyn screamed as she turned on her heels and bolted out of the ally. She ran down the street, weaving in and out of traffic as cars nearly crashed into her. She didn’t bother to look behind her because she knew what she would see. A man standing there, watching her as she left. Evelyn was beyond scared, she didn’t know how to love or what it felt like to break down the walls around her heart to let him in. She wanted to, for him, but the images replayed in her head over and over again. Bucky, laying on his back, bleeding from his chest as he let out his last breath. She could hear it in her head and feel it in her chest, that last shallow breath. Bucky’s chest felt heavy as he couldn’t process what had just happened. She up and left him with only one word and his hopes crushed. He thought everything would go along smoothly, that he knew his girlfriend. He was wrong and now he was left with a hole in his aching heart. Bucky picked up the daisies and walked out of the alley way. She was gone and he knew, deep down that she wasn’t coming back to him. He couldn’t help think that he had scared her away with his affection. Bucky wanted to lie to himself and believe that she loved him too but was too afraid to show it, that this was all some sick dream and he would wake up. As Bucky made it to the corner of his apartment, he looked down at the flowers. They had began to wilt by the oils and warmness of his hands. He winced at them, like they were the thing causing him pain. He walked over to a nearby tin trash can, threatening to throw the flowers into it. His stomach lurched at the thought of throwing them in with the trash, never to see them again just like the girl he had given them to. With hesitation, he plucked a single white daisy from the ribbon that tied it to its family and stuck it in his pocket. The rest of them were discarded in the bin and Bucky made his way to home. His limbs felt heavy, like a pile of bricks were being sat on him. His knuckles were scuffed up from the boxing sand back, lack of him covering his hands. “How did it go?” Steve asked as he peered up from his book. His stick thin body was covered by a blanket, a usual sight for Bucky. They had no heating and air in the small building and Steve was forced to look like a tick ready to pop with his thousands of layers of blankets wrapped around him. “She left me,” Bucky stated plainly as he walked past Steve who was already to his feet. Theirs shoulders didn’t touch as Bucky walked around him. Steve’s face mirrored Bucky’s emotions, confusion. The blonde haired man followed his friend to the back room of their home. “What do you mean she left you? You don’t mean-” “Yes! It’s over, I told her that I loved her and she didn’t say the same thing back. She just ran away from me,” Bucky sounded aggravated but he was more hurt than angry. Never, in the time that they were together, did he ever Feel that Evelyn was so distance. She was something he couldn’t touch anymore and it happened so quickly. Like he fell for the trap. She was a beacon that he couldn’t help be drawn to, but when he finally caught her, she opened up a dark hole and he fell in. He didn’t know if he could escape. He was fell before he even knew he was falling. “I’m sure that’s not what she meant Buck, this could be a small bump for you two,”Steve sat next to Bucky as he flopped onto the mattress. Bucky began twirling the dying flower in between his index finger and thumb. Steve’s eyes filled with worry as he patted his best friend on the back. “I’m not so sure that it will.”
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