The Jolly Boys

Shirley Stephenson is a bored housewife who never stops day in day out, its the same humdrum existence. Bob her husband is a lazy good for nothing. who lost his leg in an industrial accident and is claiming benefit fraudulently. he keeps her short and moans because she goes to the bingo. Shirley finds the courage to file for a divorce and free herself. her life is suddenly transformed after she finds all of the compensation that Bob has been hiding from her. she orders a taxi she takes £30.000 and takes a box with some things that her gran had left her.


4. 4

shown on TV all over Britain on “The Cook Report. “Viv was later arrested and sentenced to 3 years imprisonment. It was a well-known fact that whilst he was in Durham jail he was doing what he wanted, he controlled everyone.’

After Watson had given evidence in court Hobo’s night club was shut down. Viv tried to mend bridges with Watson upon his release offering him work on his doors but Watson refused. Another well- known gangster saw Viv in the way of his drug empire, he wanted Viv out of the way. He knew that Viv was anti- drugs and saw him as a legitimate threat. There were daily death threats and phone calls sent to Viv and he just laughed at them.

Another gang fight broke out in the town and Viv broke the jaw of one gang member and punched another senseless it was reported. The other gang members fled. Who would have thought that 10 years later Viv Graham would be dead? He would be gunned down on Wallsend’s high street and his killer never brought to justice.

Ken Scott drove through Wallsend then up towards Walkerville and then pulled in outside “The Railway” Bob paid the driver leaving him a generous tip then pushed through the doors of the pub and into the lounge where the quiz was held. Twenty teams competed for spot prizes, to win the quiz and then try to win the jackpot. Competition was fierce and some of the questions tested the most knowledgeable of men and women. Bob’s Specialty rounds were music and sport, football being his forte. He bought himself a pint of John Smiths and tasted it to see if it was cold enough. Satisfied that it was, he picked up his change then walked to the table.

It was a pound to enter the quiz and fifty pence to enter the jackpot Bob handed Billy Churnside his money then sat down. Large television set was on in the corner of the room showing a match between Juventus and Bayern Munich. The German team were one goal up.’

The five- man team consisted of Robert “Little legs” Thompson, Michael Moat, or Moaty to his friends (Captain), Brian “Drop gob” Stewart, they called him that because he’d had a stroke and the left-hand side of his face had dropped somewhat. He had to drink his pint out of the right-hand side of his face to stop him from spilling it. He always brought with him some paper hankies to wipe his mouth with. Then Rob Townsend who had a cleft palate which made him talk with a stammer. He was renowned for his strut when he walked. It resembled that of a cockerel as he lurched forward and his head looked as if he was pecking corn when he walked. Moaty once pulled his chair away as he was about to sit down and his legs went up in the air he kicked the table full of drinks as his legs went up and the drinks on the table went flying. His pint left the table did a complete turn before landing perfectly upright and hardly spilling a drop. Little legs began to laugh and of course the rest of the team fell apart. Rob Townsend got to his feet before calling them all a bunch of bastards. Rob stood up and was about to sit down when they told him to get the round in as he’d knocked over the drinks.

“Y yyou’s can pppiss off an aal.’

“Howay man Rob it’s only fair you spilled the drinks right lads.’

“Aye voiced Moaty; but the luck bastard didn’t spill his own though.’

“It wwwere you lot who made me trip up.’

“Alright stop yer whinging and get the round in Rob.’

“Get me a packet of nuts shouted “Little legs.’

“Get me a packet of pork scratching’s said Drop Gob.’

“Get yersel some millet shouted Bob which brought more laughter from the team table.’

Rob turned at the bar and stuck two fingers up at them all then smiled at the young lass from behind the bar and ordered the round in.’

Trevor Wilson the quiz master arrived and it was Moaty who went to get the picture round and pay into the quiz. When he returned he sat down and perused the piece of paper with the photos of different stars on them, some were sports stars some actors and actresses, then there was celebrity chefs, writers and politicians. Quickly they agreed on the answers to most of them they were split on the last two pictures and decided to leave it until after the first general knowledge round.

Trevor began the first round of the quiz and they were half way through when Drop gob said “Got it”

“Got w wwhat replied Rob.’

Number nine on the picture round.’

“Who is it then?’

It’s that sexy chef man who’s got them come to bed eyes, what’s her name.’

“Do you mean Thomasina Miers?’

“No man her fatha was the chancellor of the exchequer.’

“Nigel Lawson.’

“That’s her, Nigella Lawson that’s who that is.’

“Do you really think so?’

“I’m telling you, I’d know them tits anywhere.’

“Bloody typical, just like him to remember someone’s breasts said Moaty.’

“He’s bloody right though you know.’

“I do believe he’s right said Bob after staring at Nigella’s boobs for a couple of minutes.’

 “Cor I’d fancy a night wi her I would said “Little legs.’

“Bugger off she wouldn’t look at you twice Rob.’

“Twice said Bob, she’d Kill you with a look.’

“What away to go though; I tell yer as long as my face was buried in her tits I’d die happy.’

“It’s been that long since you had a woman yer wouldn’t na what to do.’

“How the hell do you know?’

“Your lass told me when I was giving her one the other neet.’

“Funny bugger, I bet she told you she’d seen bigger chipolatas than your excuse for a prick an aal.’

“Now, now boys play nice said Moaty; we are supposed to be here for serious business. See if you can come up with that face for the last one on the picture round.’

“His face rings a bell.’

“Aye in Notre dame.’

Come on lads lets be serious, let’s see if we can win this round.’

“Speakin’ of which said Bob I think it’s your round Moaty.’

Alright, alright let me check wor answers before we hoy them in.’

Are you sure that the Hippocampus is located in the liver because I’m sure it’s in the brain you know?’

“Well change it if you are sure Moaty, you are the team captain.’

Right Rob change the liver to the brain. If I’m wrong I’ll stand corrected okay.’

“Are we sure about the fruit used in a “Roy Roger’s Cocktail” being a Cherry?’

Aye, wor lass had one when I took her to Las Vegas two year ago.’

“Right then giz it here Rob I’ll hand it in on my way to the bar.’

Rob amended the answers that Moaty had told him then handed it over. Moaty then handed it in to Trevor and went to get the drinks.

Molly Richardson the barmaid looked at him and said that his table were very animated tonight.’

“Just high spirits Molly, don’t worry I keep then in check.’

“You say that every week.’

“The lads are just letting off a bit of steam pet. They are no bother really.’

“Well the carpets are going to stink with all that beer that was spilled earlier.’

I’m sorry about that it was the lad with the speech impediment he’s a bit unsteady on his feet. I mean you’ve only got to watch him walk to know that he’s disabled.

“Aye I know which one you mean; the poor lad must take some stick walking like that.’

“Whatever you do don’t put corn on the bar or you will cause a riot.’

Molly laughed then said that he owed £4.50p for the round.

“Get one for yourself said Moaty.’

“Thank you,’ that’ll be £5.20p then.

Michael Moat gave her a ten pound note and she rang it into the till then gave him his change.

“Would you like a tray?’

“Yes please, I better I think; It’ll save my legs.’

Moaty brought the drinks over put them on the table then placed all of the empties on the tray then brought them back to the bar and gave them to Molly who smiled at him before saying thank you.

“Anytime said Michael returning the smile.’

“When he returned the lads, all looked at him.’

“Well then have you got her number yet?’

“Give me a chance, I’m working on it.’

“Jesus, it a long wait for her then you’ve been making eyes at her for nearly a year now; why don’t you just ask her.’

“He’s frightened of the knock back aren’t you,’ said Drop gob.’

No, it’s not that, it’s you know been a while since I went out with a woman like and I’m a bit unsure of how the game is played out now. Since my divorce I feel like a fish out of water.’

“Well if you wait too long she will be the fish that got away so you’d better get her hooked and bloody quick.’

“She bloody fancies you mate; look she makes a Bee line straight here to collect glasses. You watch her when we finish these drinks she’ll be over in a flash.’

Trevor began to read out the answers to the first round and Mick was glad that he’d changed the one he thought was right.

“Your leaders with ten points are “Fred’s dog’s dead.’  “The Dukes” are second with nine points “Trumpton” third with eight points. You next round is a first to last round. The first answers last letter is the first answer to the next question. Trevor rattled off the set of ten questions then told everyone that they had ten minutes in which to hand in their answers.

“Right let’s go through them, number one an African antelope.

“Gazelle said little legs.’

“Ccould be a Ssspringbok said Rob Townsend shrugging his shoulders.’

That would make either a Letter E or K for a Children’s game.

“Right what’s the next question?’

“Another name for a nut.’

“What about a kernel said Bob?’

Yes, I like that said the captain.’

“That would make a children’s game beginning with a letter K said Bob.’

“Got it said “Little legs.’

“Come on then out with it said “Drop gob.’

“How about Ker plunk?’

“Yes, that’s it.’

“It gives us another K though for the first letter of the next question.’


“What’s the question?

 Michael who wrote down the questions read it out; “An American social group taken from the Greek word meaning Kyklos.’

“I’ve heard this one before on the TV programme “Fifteen to one.’

“I’m sure it’s the Ku Klux Klan said Moaty.’

“Well if we can’t think of anything else then we have an answer said Rob.’

Bob look up at the TV screen and declared that the German side were now two goals up.

“I was hoping that Juventus would win, I put a tenner on it going to extra time.’ said

“There’s still the second half to go yet man drop gob, what price did you get?’

“Twenty to one.’

“That’s yyour mmoney doon the swanee.’ Exclaimed Rob.’

“Juventus are having most of the play said Bob who had been watching the game even though the sound had been turned down. There was six minutes of the first half to play when Paulo Rossi scored a blinding goal for Juventus.

“There you go laughed little legs. It’s nearly half time now, you still have a chance.’

Forget aboot the bloody football and let’s concentrate on the bloody quiz.’

“What’s the next question?’

“Your round I think said Bob.’ That John Smiths is good tonight it’s going down lovely.’

“Bugger me Bob are you on a bloody mission tonight or what.’

“Is there a time limit on each pint like?’

“No,’ but you are hoying it doon your neck quick tonight.’

“Alreet man drop gob,’ Christ can’t a man enjoy his pint or what.’

Moaty there’s your chance mate, get yourself to the bar and get the drinks in and then you can ask Molly for her number or just give her yours.’

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