The Jolly Boys

Shirley Stephenson is a bored housewife who never stops day in day out, its the same humdrum existence. Bob her husband is a lazy good for nothing. who lost his leg in an industrial accident and is claiming benefit fraudulently. he keeps her short and moans because she goes to the bingo. Shirley finds the courage to file for a divorce and free herself. her life is suddenly transformed after she finds all of the compensation that Bob has been hiding from her. she orders a taxi she takes £30.000 and takes a box with some things that her gran had left her.


26. 26

When they got back to the house the table the house was full of people who came and shook his hand and told him that they were either cousins or neighbours. The table had been set and Kevin was introduced to Apolina’s parents. The amount of food on the table would have sank a battleship. The best was yet to come as the whole street brought out tables and chairs and placed them in the middle of the street There were accordion players, violinists and even a cellist. The men and women and the children all danced. Copious amounts of beer and vodka were drunk. Tanya taught him how to dance a polka and Kevin hadn’t had as much fun in his whole life before. The people here were more hospitable than England. They cared not that he wasn’t polish, he was treated like a family member. The celebration lasted until 3 a.m. in the morning, then just as they had come the tables and chairs were taken back into the houses and then the street was silent. Tanya and Kevin were given a room at the back of the house and Kevin was surprised that they allowed him to sleep with their daughter. They had been sleeping together whilst he was at the university but it still made him feel nervous about making love in her parent’s house but Tanya reassured him that it was the most natural thing in the world.

 They stayed four nights at her parent’s house before leaving to visit his grandparents in Krakow.

The people in the street came out to wish them well as they said goodbye. There was a touch of sadness as Tanya kissed her parents and grandparents before they set off again. Kevin promised to return again.






On the third day of their holiday The Jolly Boys hung around the complex and larking around in the swimming pool. Freddy went to the gym then when he returned ate Chicken salad for his lunch. Glen had gone for a wander too that morning. All the lads knew he was going to get his stash of Rhoids. Glen never openly told them about the drugs he was bringing back with him. He figured if they all knew they wouldn’t act like normal holiday makers and would stand out from everyone else when walking through customs. They certainly stood out that night from everyone else as they dressed in full nurse’s uniforms and wigs, complete with fishnet stockings and high heels. They gave the maid a few quid in Turkish money to apply make up on them all before they headed out for the night. Freddy got some weird looks as he walked into Blondies bar and the holiday makers lapped it up as the lads got up to YMCA. Bob looked comical because he wore a sister’s uniform. The longer dress covered his false leg, not that he tried to hide it on the dance floor when AC/DC sang “Back in Back and then Thunder Struck.’

Bob proceeded in taking off his prosthesis and using it as a guitar as he hopped around the dancefloor. The crowd all cheered as the lads sat down again. Bob was totally knackered as he sat down hopping about on one leg was really strenuous and Bob being overweight didn’t help matters.

The trolley dollies from Thompsons holidays laughed as they walked in to see them. For the last two night’s they had spent the night in the company of “The Jolly Boys and had never had as much fun ever. That night the lads took them onto a secluded beach where they all stripped naked and went for a swim. They made love in the sand when they had dried off then walked back to the hotel in just their underwear. The girls would only see them tomorrow night and then they would be off for the weekend but they promised to meet up with them in Marmaris the following week. They would spend another four days there. The lads found the complex on the Siesta too noisy with kids running around screaming so they booked up to go on a trip each day. They went to the indoor market in Marmaris where they spent over two hours walking around buying gifts. They went snorkelling on the reefs on the Saturday and then went for a Turkish bath on the Sunday. They had to get covered in head to foot in mud then they waited until the grey coloured matter dried then they went onto a marble slab where a young man slapped soap solution onto them and scrubbed them. Then the soap was rinsed off. They dried off and had a sauna. They showered again then they finished with a Turkish massage. The experience was well worth the ten pounds that they paid. All the men came out feeling refreshed.

On the Sunday night, it was Mexican night and “The Jolly Boys” Dressed up in Sombrero’s and ponchos with fake gun belts and plastic guns all bought from the market. They also bought false moustaches. “Where ever they went they got noticed as people remembered them. Glen got off with this young lass from called Lydia from London and he disappeared not to return until the next morning. The lads never questioned him they all knew he’d been shagging. It was the code that they had; married or not, what went on in Turkey stayed in Turkey. 

Freddy went down early as usual for his breakfast at Sylvia’s bar on Sunday the rest of the lads didn’t get up until eleven o’clock. Freddy had been to the gym and joined them for a pint of freshly squeezed orange juice. Bilko was feeling the worst for wear after getting into a contest to see how many “Slammers he could drink with some lads from Leeds.

Bilko sat down at the table and asked Hammed if he had anything for a hangover.

“I feel as if I’ve done fifteen rounds wi “Big George Forman.’

“No sympathy for you, said Slack Arse, we told you but you wouldn’t listen.’

“I wasn’t going to let the Geordies down against those lads from Leeds was I.’

“Well you won if it’s any consolation.’

“Get in, Geordie pride maintained.’

Hammed returned with a couple of pills and some water and Bilko swallowed them down after thanking the bar owner.

“Where we going today then lads.

“Somewhere quiet I hope said Bilko nursing his head.’

“How about a trip up to Bodrum for the day suggested Slack Arse.’

Just then Glen returned he’d been back to the hotel and got the maid to let him in and he’d showered and changed.

“Are you up for Bodrum Glen asked Bob.’

“Me, I’m up for owt me.’

“I take it you had a good night last night then said Slack Arse.’

“She cooked my breakfast this morning, I must have been good Glen laughed.’

“So, then it’s Bodrum today then. It was after twelve thirty when the taxi arrived.

“Bodrum my friend said Bob to the old driver who smiled and had several teeth missing.

The temperature was 38% today and it felt even hotter on the car. The driver didn’t speak much English which helped the lads all wore slacks and tee shirts with sandals. They had their swimming trunks on underneath their trousers in case they fancied a swim. Bodrum is fairly hilly and the lads asked the driver to take them to Bodrum castle so they could have a look around then they went to the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus. The museum had coins dating back from 10 BC which Bob was interested in seeing. By three o’clock that afternoon it was in the high forties and the lads had had enough of sightseeing. They acquired a few sun loungers on Camel beach. They stripped off and lay down on their towels that Slack Arse had brought with him just in case. They sat under the parasols sleeping in the sun all afternoon. It was a good job that Slack Arse had remembered to bring some sun cream with him or they would have fried in the heat. It was heaven just lying on the beach where the only sound was the sound of the waves from the sea. They had chosen this beach because the one at Bitez was noisy and usually packed with kids screaming. Bob found them a secluded spot where they would not be disturbed by the Lucky, lucky men who tried to sell them things they already had. Bilko was starting to feel better after a good kip. The rest of the lads oblivious to his snoring as they too snored the afternoon away. They paid the young boy for the use of the loungers after getting dressed and headed for the local bars. Bob took them to Adam’s bar where they got a good meal which was very cheap compared to some in Bodrum and they even threw in a beer.  The mixed grill was the popular choice of The Jolly Boys. The meal was served on a wooden board and there was everything from Chicken to steak on offer. In fact, there was that much meat Slack Arse was giving it to Freddy to eat. There was nearly a pound of sausage, A gammon steak, two pork chops, and two lamb chops. It came with vegetables, salad, and chips. And it was less than a fiver a man. They drank three bottles of Effes beer, well apart from Freddy who drank six. Then they went to Memories Karaoke bar where they got up onto the stage and performed “Dire Straits” Money for Nothin’ and Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the USA which went down well. Freddy and Glen hit it off with a couple of young girls and they soon disappeared. Bob told them that they’d be in Rock City and the Sapphire Club after that.

It was getting on for two in the morning and the lads were still going. They sat at a table with some young women from Wigan. Bob knew the type, they were only out for free drink from unsuspecting drunks who would supply them with booze all night so it cost them nothing. Slack Arse was the only one taken in until Bob whispered in his ear.

Right then we’re off said Bob.’

“Where are you going said the young lasses, maybe we can tag along wi yers like.’

“No, we’re off back to our hotel in Icmeler.’

The girls wandered off to another table where the lads there soon bought them drinks thinking that they’d scored.’

“See what I mean Slack Arse, I can spot them a mile away said Bob as they left Rock city and headed for the Sapphire Club.  It was there that they met up with Freddy and Glen who had done the dirty deed with the two girls that they’d picked up in some dark alley.

Bob told them about the girls from Wigan and how Slack Arse had been taken in by them until he stepped in. They had a couple of drinks in the club then ordered a taxi back to the hotel. They’d all had a good day really and there was more to come when the trolley dollies would be back tomorrow night in Marmaris for four nights. It was nearly five in the morning when they got back to the hotel. It was the only time that it was quiet another four hours and it would be like St James Park on a Saturday afternoon. The lads went to the bog then headed to bed. Their clothes were just thrown where they flopped down. Glen didn’t even bother changing, he just crashed onto his mattress and was asleep in no time.



The house in Blyth that Gary and his team of ex- paras was near completion. The garden’s back and from had been landscaped all the painting had been done and the skips had been removed. The new owners were coming to inspect the property that morning and Shirley drove down to have a look.

“You’ve done another marvellous job Gary. If we sell this for the asking price we will clear fifty thousand pounds profit.

“That’s good.’

“Well I think after six months of solid graft you and me should take a nice holiday to the Maldives what do you say.’

“What about those flat’s that you want doing in Seaton Delaval?

“The lads can cope with the work for a week I’m sure said Shirley, as she put her arm around Gary’s waist and snuggled into his shoulder.

“All work and no play makes Gary a dull boy you know.’

“Well,’ alright I’ll have a word with Tony Parker, I can leave him to take care of things whilst we are gone. He can get the first fixings done and get the pipe work and bathroom suites in.

“I’ll get on the phone then and make the booking then we can pack and be off tomorrow.’

“I want to go first class, I’ve always’ wanted to see what it was like.’

Well, it’s certainly more comfortable, more leg room, free booze and the food is better.’

“Have you flown first class before?’

“Yes, my flight back from Germany a few years ago was delayed 36 hours so the company flew us back first class.’

“That was good I bet you indulged yourself.’

“I slept most of the way back in the back of the Hercules bomber.’

“You bugger, I thought you meant a proper airline.’

“No, I was still in the paras then.’

“This time no expense will be spared.’

“With over twenty million in the bank I should hope so too.’

“You know, I’m glad that I took your advice and waited before giving my money away. The interest has  

Paid for everything. I’ve given my sister enough money each month to look after herself and my kids have been well taken care of. However, I still feel guilty about taking Bobs money.’

“Why, it was technically yours.’

“I know but it doesn’t make it right does it.’

“If you feel that badly about it give him it back.’ The interest that you make will more than cover it.’

“You wouldn’t be upset if I did?’

“Shirley it’s your money.’

“It’s ours Gary, I want you to enjoy and do what you like with it.’

“Four hundred grand that I’ve made this year isn’t a lot of money when you look at your capital.’

“Does it really matter about the money Gary?’

“Shirley, we couldn’t have done what we have without it I’m afraid and a holiday to the Maldives would have been totally out of the question.’

“Alright I will make a cheque out and post it to him tomorrow, I will feel better knowing I haven’t got anything of his.’

“You do what you think is best Shirley.’

“Shirley turned and kissed Gary, I love you she whispered in his ear.’

“That’s good said Gary, I love you too.’ In fact, I think I fell in love with you the minute I took your fare on my bus.’

“We’ve come such a long way in such a short time you and I Gary, I feel that I can achieve anything as long as you are by my side.’

Just then a car pulled up outside and a young couple got out and stood together looking at the property.

“Isn’t it beautiful said the young woman to her husband and they walked towards Shirley and Gary.


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