The Jolly Boys

Shirley Stephenson is a bored housewife who never stops day in day out, its the same humdrum existence. Bob her husband is a lazy good for nothing. who lost his leg in an industrial accident and is claiming benefit fraudulently. he keeps her short and moans because she goes to the bingo. Shirley finds the courage to file for a divorce and free herself. her life is suddenly transformed after she finds all of the compensation that Bob has been hiding from her. she orders a taxi she takes £30.000 and takes a box with some things that her gran had left her.


19. 19

"Well we've not long met you know and I wanted to cook a special dinner.' 

"Look Mick I'll tell you what I’ll do. I'm going that way later you see. I'll drop a couple of bits of steak in for you and some other bits and bobs that I normally give you.'

"Cheers Brian,' how much do I owe you?'

"Just giz a tenner and we'll call it quits.'

"Mick took a ten-pound note from his wallet and gave it to Brian. He supped his pint then said he would see Brian later.

"Walking up the high street there was more of a spring in his step as he thought tomorrow night was the night he'd finally get Molly into bed. he had a couple of bottles of red wine from the Christmas that they could open.' A bit romantic music and he would be laughing. he had it all planned and he played the scene over and over in his mind as he stood waiting for the bus to take him to the Railway where he would see Molly.'

When the bus arrived Rob "Little Legs" Thompson was sitting down with Brian "Drop Gob" Stewart.'

"Oi, Oi, said the two lads as he sat behind them.'

"Alreet then lads?'

“Come on then don't be shy, tell us if you managed to get that bonny barmaid into bed yet?

“Rob "The Strut" told us that you took her to the pictures last night.' so was there anything going on during the intermission or what.'

"Come on lads Molly isn't like that.'

"What! all women are like that; you daft bugger.'

"Don't tell me you've not even had a feel of her tit's yet.'

Micky shrugged his shoulders, then said “tomorrow night is the night lads. I've got my mate bringing two massive steaks for me.' a few glasses of red wine and it’s in the bag.'

"That's more like it captain. The lads laughed then said it's been an expensive shag; I hope she's worth the effort.'

"Oh, she's a keeper, definitely.'

They got to the stop they normally got off at, crossed the road and walked into the bar.'

"Go on your birds serving, get the round in.'

Molly was serving an old gentleman and Mick waited until she was finished. she turned and saw him and smiled.

"Hello Mick what can I get you?'

"The usual.'

Molly began to pour out the drinks as Bob Stephenson walked in. he sat down and was fairly quiet.

"What's up with you asked Little legs.'

" Bob was silent for a moment then replied Shirley's left me.'

"Have you put the flags out then.' She'll be back man Bob, diven't worry.'

"No, she's divorcing me. I got the letter.'

Whey you've still got the kids at least.'

No, wor Margaret has gone to live with her mate and Jimmy is moving out as well this Friday.'

"I think they may be trying to tell you Sommuck Bob.'

"What's that like?'

"That you’re a sad fat bastard.'

"Well since you’re almost a free man now said Little Legs how about coming on holiday with us next summer.

I don’t know lads I’m meant to be going to Cyprus with me fatha shortly.

“We’re going to Benidorm for two weeks of sun, sex, and sandy beaches. the women walk around topless on the beaches there yer na’.'

 “That'll do for me said Bob trying to sound enthusiastic, when you booking up?'

“About April, we normally go to book up then. You'll need a deposit so you have plenty of time to save up your social benefit. Bob never told any of them that he had money put away.'

At the bar Mick paid for the drinks then asked Molly what she was doing on Friday night?'

"Nothing why replied Molly sexily?'

"Well how would you like to come over to my house and I’ll cook us dinner. I have a couple of bottles of red wine to go with it.'

"What's for dessert?'

"I'm sure that I can knock something up said Bob blushing.'

"What time do you want me?'

"Would seven alright.'

"I'll be there.'

"I Look forward to it smiled Mick.'

He walked back to the table with the drinks and set them down.

"Well then?'

"She's coming tomorrow night.'

The lads all slapped him on the back as they prepared for Trevor to arrive.

 The lads paid their money to Mick as Trevor walked in with a brief case and a ghetto blaster. he was smoking a cigar as he set up his table and his portable music player then took out the question sheets and set aside the answers to each round. Then he plugged in the mike and announced that the quiz would be starting in five minutes.

Each team captain came up in turn and paid the entry fee for the team.

The competition was fierce as the winners got the bragging rights. There was a lot of cheating going on as people used their phones to find out answers from other sources.

Spot prizes were won by unscrupulous members usually students who rang up the university to ask the answer to the question's. They had it off to a fine art when Trevor gave them only two minutes to get answers in. they would sit waiting around the phone with encyclopaedias waiting for the question. The fifty pounds was worth winning to them as they went from place to place doing quizzes. It was netting them £300 pounds a week which was shared out between them.

Trevor tried his best to stop the cheating but they went to the toilet and locked themselves in a cubicle until they got the answer. Then it was written down and handed it in.' They had it off to a fine art not putting the exact number but a couple of digits below. The Jackpot was always a number; like the population of Brazil or how many square miles was the Atlantic Ocean. Hit singles was the easiest because someone had the book ready with the exact number.

They were more than half way through the quiz when Brian Nicholson walked in carrying a bag.

"There you are Mick enjoy.'

"Cheers Brian, do you want a pint?'

“Thanks’ but my taxi is waiting outside; I’ll see you next week okay.'

"Okay mate. '

"Brian waved at his friend then left.'

"That's you dddefinitely ssorted now.'

Cheers Strut.'

Mick took a quick look in the bag and smiled at what was in there for just ten pounds. It was all fresh meat from that day. The steak was taken from the neck of the animal and cut into six huge steaks about ten inches long and three inches thick. There was mince, kidney, liver and heart, then he had given him some pork steaks and bacon. The joint of beef was eighteen inches long and ten inches round. it weighed about four and a half pounds. That joint alone would have cost him at least eight pounds from Presto's.

He pushed the bag under the table and got on with the answers to the music round.

Bob came up with six answers straight away but the more modern numbers he wasn't sure of.

"Out of touch" could be Hall and Oats but I’m not sure; Easy Lover is Phil Collin's but he sang it with someone else and I’m buggered if i can remember his name.’ “We built this City" I remember the song but can't come up with the group and "Cool it Now” I have no idea.'

Okay Rob put down Hall and Oats and Phil Collin's he might give us it.'

"We still have a few minutes yet to think about the other two.'

"The only thing I think could be the answer to number nine is Starship but it would be a guess Mick.'

Hoy that down Rob it better to have an answer than a blank space.

"Hahahaha bblank sspace - Starship.'

"Funny bugger.'

"We are Just waiting for one team I think announced Trevor.'

"Quick put Phil Bailey with Phil Collin's, I just remembered.'

Rob ran up with the answers and Trevor quickly marked them. "Right your answers to the music round. one was Bill Haley and the Comets, Rock Around the Clock, two was Sandy Shaw" Puppet on a String, Song number three caught a lot of you out, it was Helen Shapiro "Walking Back to Happiness.'  Four the" Hollies" I can Breathe.' Five was Otis Redding "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" Number six I was lenient here, I gave you a point for Joan Baez and if you had Olivia Newton John I gave a point for that as well.'

"Well that's six right said Mick.

Seven was Daryl Hall and John Oats "Out of touch" eight Phil Collin's and Phil Bailey sorry guys if you didn't have Phil Bailey you didn't get the point. Nine stumped a lot of you but one team got it right it was Starship "We built this City." and your final answer was New Edition "Cool it Now.' Your scores and then we'll go into the last round.'

"We got nine well done Bob.'

"I just couldn't think of that last one Mick.'

"Well that puts us in third place.'

"All to pplay ffor tthen said Strut.'

"The team concentrated like hell in the final round which was an anagram round.

"You are looking for a historical building in the North. Four and seven letters.'

Trevor went through the questions and they had only three questions right when Mick had the anagram.

"It's York Minster.'

Right cross off the letters that we have an it will be a process of elimination.

They sat and strategically came up with eleven answers and then handed them in.'

Mick was pleased that they had got second place to "The Thinking Men's Theory.'

"That bloody Uni team again how come they win every sodding week. Watch they'll win the Jackpot again the cheating bastards. "No, they won't; not this time said Bob.

"When Trevor asked the question one of the Uni lads ran into the toilet and Bob Stephenson followed him in. He could hear the young lad saying "hurry up we've only got two minutes.'

Then he said "right are you sure.'

Bob burst the door in and swiped the phone out of the student’s hand and pushed him back onto the seat.'

"You cheating bastards, so that's how you get your answers is it.'

 "I was ringing my mother.'

"What to help you wipe your arse.' Bob got hold of the lad who struggled to free himself until Bob punched him in the gut then walked the lad out into the room and put the phone on Trevor’s table. "I caught him ringing his mates for the answers.'

"Trevor said he’d been monitoring them over several weeks and suspected that they might have been cheating. You and your team are disqualified. You are barred from here and I will make sure that every pub that holds a quiz knows of this and is informed about you lot. Now piss off and don't come back.’

"Ladies and Gents apparently we have had some cheating going on here for a while. The Thinking Men's Theory have been disqualified. if you happen to see any of them at any other quizzes you attend please inform the quiz master thank you. So, in light of what's happened your quiz winners tonight are "Dave’s Dogs Dead.'  Second the Numb Sculls and Trumpton third.'

"Your jackpot answer is 472 and its Little legs who's the closest to with 470.'

"Get in said Rob as he went to collect the money.'

"Well there's another seventy quid to the fund Bob.' Bob pulled out a payment card and put down the amount and total then asked Mick to initial it.

"I'm going to the heads I won't be long said Little Legs.'

Drop Gob had ordered the taxi and they all made for the exit. They stood outside waiting until the cab pulled up then piled into the back. bob got into the front and the taxi pulled away. "Glad we sort them cheating bastards out.'

"Yes, now we might do better next week.'

Mick, we won the quiz tonight said Bob.' How can we better that.'

"And the Jackpot said Rob reminding them that it was his answer that had won them the prize.

"Alright Little legs won the Jackpot tonight.'

"All we need now is for Mick to get his leg over the morrow neet and that' s a hat trick.'

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