Just a girl

Elle tells the troubles of her past relationship. How one person can change the way you think about yourself.


1. Photograph

I guess if I could go back to that particular day, I would ask myself for an honest reply. I would ask if I were truly deep down happy. Was I with who I wanted to be, or was I too scared to leave? Rather, did I think that I was not strong enough to be alone, too weak to cope, to unsure to make that leap into the single life. I guess, deep down, I would have answered yes. I look back through all the photographs which are of course, ordered by date, alphabetically and numbered. I stare awhile at my face, deeply into my eyes, wondering how forced that smile was. Whether behind those eyes, there was a flicker of worry, tears later to be poured onto my pillow. That had been the photograph of our year anniversary. We had been baking in his family home, little cupcakes. I always found baking so rewarding, I guess the eating of the end result was what I enjoyed the most. Anyway, I do not remember much about that particular day. Flicking through the photographs, I seem to have this feeling of emptiness, as though the self that I am today was not that  pictured in those photos. The person in the photographs I could take for an imposter. The girl in the photographs was not strong, was unsure of herself, unsure of her capabilities. She was made to be possessive, bruised by his words, by his thoughts towards her ambitions and her dreams. She was just a girl.  

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