Being Amber

Without any memory of her past and not knowing why people react to her as they do, Amber has to learn to survive in the hard underworld of the City, among gangs and the unwanted citizens.
Her appearent resemblance with Ben's dead girlfriend, places her in the middle of a war that easily can cost her and others their lives.
In her quest to find her identity Amber has to learn to tell friend from foe, see behind the lies and decide if Ben's past matters at all.
When Ben asks Tom to train Amber he gets pulled into the war happening around him, far more than he wants to be.
Tom's alliance with Ben hangs in a thin tread when he not only falls in love with Amber but also starts a relationship with Kattie, who already has a boyfriend in Clay, Ben's second in command.
Will Amber ever find out who she really is ?
And how Will they get through the war ?


29. pending war and first kiss



 Ben asked Kattie to check me over for internal damages, while he took the necessary talk with Clay. It was something else taking of my clothes in front of Kattie and her hands was very gentle when they went over my body, pressing on all the points I told her hurt. Which was easy, as it was almost every inch of me.

 "That is what makes you strong". Kattie said, while she was pressing a bit extra around my left ribs. "That you can block out everything, even the pain".

 "I don't feel strong". I mumbled through gritted teeth.

 "There are many different ways to be strong". Kattie answered and finally moved her hands away. "Some is physically strong other emotionally. I haven't wasted one single tear on Clay, even though I did love him. You are strong physically, because you block everything out. But I doubt you can go through a war without emotional scars".

 "But I will have to do that". I answered. She nodded and found a small bottle in the first aid kit and a syringe, which she filled with the clear liquid.

 "You don't have any internal bleedings, but a couple of your ribs have been bruised, so you have like internal bruises so to say". She explained. "Your right arm isn't broken, but you definitely won't be using it for a couple of days. I will get you a sling for it".

 I let her stick the needle into my arm and ignored the pressing feeling it gave when she pushed down the piston.

 "Soo, you and Tom huh ?" I was looking at her and couldn't stop myself from smiling. She shrugged lightly. If Kattie had been able to blush, I am sure she would have right now.

 "He has always meant safety to me and I also know exactly were I got him, I can trust him". She started packing up the things, not looking at me. "He understands me like no one else. When Clay started getting weird it seemed natural to seek back to Tom".

 "So you two used to date ?"

 "Well I wouldn't call it dating. We.. well we enjoyed each others company..". She smiled and shrugged innocently.

 "And now ? What are you now ?" I sat up and pulled my shirt back on. The pain relief had already started to work.

 "I don't actually know". She turned towards me. "We haven't really put words to it. But I think I want it to be.. to be real you know".

 "Oh you love him, you really love him". I was clapping my hands. "You two are so adorable together". She sent me an angry glare, but then a smile broke through, one that made her eyes sparkle.

 We were interrupted by Ben, who opened the door, looking at Kattie. "Do you have anything you want to say to Clay before he leaves ?" He asked. Kattie shook her head and her hands balled up to fists. "Very well. Clay has been told to take his personal belongings and leave our area. I am calling for a intern meeting tonight and there I will inform everyone that Clay is our sworn enemy. I have sent message to Kress and Tom to let their guards know that Clay is no longer affiliated with us".

 "And Zombie ?" Kattie asked. "He will try to deliver his declaration of war in some other evil way".

 "I am going to Zombie myself. Then he can deliver it directly to my face without involving others". Ben said. "Kattie you are hereby reinstated as my second in command".

 "Why me Ben ?"

 "Because we are heading for a war and you are the most experienced". Ben answered. "After the war we can talk about letting KC take over. He can start his training as soon as he is back on his feet and it is time he gets his I".

 "After the war we risk being dead". Kattie mumbled.

 "Clay was saying that something is going on between KC and Hope. I don't know if it was just another try to make trouble, but maybe you should take that talk with Hope ? You know about being careful and such".

 "Believe me Ben, we had that talk long ago". Kattie said, trying not to laugh at Ben's expression. "And looking at her other options here around her age, well I have no problem with her choosing KC, she couldn't do much better".


 Ben took me on a tour of Catrista's tourist area. My arm was in a sling and the other hand was laying safely in Ben's.

 "It's about time I tell you about who you really are". Ben said and stopped in front of a large hotel, the sign said 'Hotel and Casino Noble'. "Your father had this built five years ago. The best and most expensive in the whole city".

 "I don't need to know who I was". I turned towards Ben. "I am Amber, the truth won't change that". I hesitantly raised my sore arm and rested my hand on his cheek.

 "Your father also owns two amusements parks and the water park". Ben continued. "He is the deputy mayor of Catrista. He also owns a lot of stores and small hotels. Your father is the richest man in the entire city".

 "I don't care Ben".

 "Your uncle owns the marina. He makes his money sailing the tourist out to watch whales that doesn't exist. He also arrange diving trips and rent out boat and jetski. He also owns hotels and restaurants. He is the fourth riches man in the city". He said.

 "Ben why are you doing this ?" I asked him.

 "Because I should have told you all of this from the beginning". He told me. "I had no idea you were engaged though, not before he showed up here wanting you back".

 "Tom knew ?" I raised an eyebrow. "Didn't he tell you ?"

 "He was probably afraid that I would get rid of the competition". Ben shrugged. "And I probably would have".

 "Ben !" I couldn't help smiling. "It isn't a competition. I have already forgiven you for not telling me. You did me a favour and protected me. You have nothing to make up for".

 Ben didn't answer, but just lead me further down the beach. Far away I could see the top of a rollercoaster and I wondered if that amusement park belonged to my father.

 "I could have lost you today". Ben said after walking a while in silence. "Who knows what would have happened if KC and Hope hadn't come home when they did. I should have gotten rid of Clay when I started fearing he couldn't be trusted".

 "You couldn't know he would go as far as attacking me". I said, I didn't want Ben to feel bad about what had happened. "And by the way I could have taken him".

 "I don't doubt that for a second". Ben smiled, looking at the sand under his feet. "I would have loved seeing you take care of Zombie. But I am not sure I could have stayed out of it".

 "You don't have to protect me. That was the whole idea of my training". I say softly.

 Ben stopped and stepped up to me. Gently stroking the back of his hand over my cheek.

 "There is nothing I would rather do than protect you". He smiled. "I don't think you really know how much you have changed by being here. How much you have done". I couldn't answer. My heart was beating way to fast and my cheek was burning beneath his fingers. "Loosing her destroyed me. I lost all will to live, I lost my soul and my heart. I never imagined finding someone that would make life worth living again. But then you came. Yes, you do look like her, but that is all you have in common. You are at the same time both stronger and weaker than she was. You are the princess of the underworld".

 "So I am no longer reminding you of her ?" I bit my lip slowly. Why were we talking about her ? When I wanted him to want me.

 "You only remind me how it is to feel like that about someone". He took my good hand between his. "Amber, I am still broken in many ways. There are still moments were my world goes black and I turn everything upside down hoping to find some forgotten drugs. There are times I drown the pain in alcohol. But those moments are getting fewer and fewer. I have done such horrible things. Unforgivable things and I have been close to doing even worse". He rested his forehead against mine, like making our own personal space. "But I love you and that gets more and more evident to me every day".

 The heat was intense. We were breathing the same air and I could feel the electricity between us. My throat was dry and I was sure he could feel my heart beating through my fingertips. "I love you too". I whispered and couldn't help smiling.

 He smiles back softly and finally he lowered his lips to mine and kissed me. His arms sliding around me and for a moment we both forgot I still hadn't healed completely. I couldn't get close enough to him and I couldn't get enough of him. His lips was so soft on mine and everywhere our skin touched sat my body on fire. Nothing could ruin this perfect moment. Not the war against Zombie, not Clays betrayel or the fact that I was already engaged.

 Nothing, except for my father.

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