Being Amber

Without any memory of her past and not knowing why people react to her as they do, Amber has to learn to survive in the hard underworld of the City, among gangs and the unwanted citizens.
Her appearent resemblance with Ben's dead girlfriend, places her in the middle of a war that easily can cost her and others their lives.
In her quest to find her identity Amber has to learn to tell friend from foe, see behind the lies and decide if Ben's past matters at all.
When Ben asks Tom to train Amber he gets pulled into the war happening around him, far more than he wants to be.
Tom's alliance with Ben hangs in a thin tread when he not only falls in love with Amber but also starts a relationship with Kattie, who already has a boyfriend in Clay, Ben's second in command.
Will Amber ever find out who she really is ?
And how Will they get through the war ?

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15. No more drugs

 

 *Amber*

 It took another two days before Ben came. At that point I hadn't seen anyone from the apartment and I had refused to talk about  them. Instead I put all my energy into my training. To be frustrated turned out to be great motivation for wanting to hit people, no matter if I trained with Tom, Mike or Drew. I still didn't have to defend, but right now attacking was enough. I was still training my shooting skills too and now when I didn't spend the evenings in the apartment, I mostly spent them with Tom.

 I was at the shooting range when Tom came down to tell me that Ben was in his office and would like to talk with me. I ignored him at first and fired they last couple of shots from my gun. Surprising enough they all found their target.

 "Talk to him Amber". Tom took the gun from my hand. "And I think you are ready for some more challenges in this area too". He said casually.

 "I don't want to hear him apologise".

 "He deserves that you at least listens to him. After, if you still don't want anything to do with him, you can stay here and I will accept you as a member of The Eagles". I stared at him in surprise. I had asked him to every day since the incidence with Ben, but he had talked around it and refused to give me a straight answer. "Just listen".

 Ben was waiting for me in the office. I wanted Tom to go inside with me, but he promised me that I had nothing to fear from Ben. And he thought it was something me and Ben had to work out ourselves. When I stepped inside Ben was looking out the window at the playground. He turned around as soon as I closed the door.

 I didn't really know what to do with myself. I didn't dare looking at him, it would make it way to easy to forgive him. I knew his eyes would be his own today. And I didn't want him to see my hands shaking and as I had no pockets to put them in, I crossed them on my chest.

 "I owe you a very big apology". Ben took a small step towards me. A sound emerged from my troat, it was something in between a sob and a huff. I didn't mean to, but I wasn't really in control of my body right now. "I know it isn't enough". Ben said. I could see the pain in his face. The face I tried not to look at. "It has never been your fault I started on the drugs again. It wasn't your choice to come into my life".

 There was so much I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that it didn't matter who was to blame. That me being there was the reason, no matter what else he said. But I didn't say it.

 "Won't you please say something ?" His voice was pleading.

 "What do you want me to say ?" I shrugged and hoped he didn't hear the held back sobs in my voice. "You told me directly that you wished me gone. Should I just forget that ? Should I forget those black eyes that aren't you ?"

 "Yes ! Please". Ben stepped desperately a step towards me. "Because that isn't me. It wasn't me. The drugs destroyed me Amber".

 "Then why do you use them ?" I asked.

 "Because they take me closer to her". Ben turned away from me, averting his eyes. "They make me forget reality. When I am high all women turn into her. Every one of them, except you".

 "So you choose to live in an illusion instead of facing reality ? Is that what you are telling me ? That you prefer an illusion of her being there over the life you could have ?" He was choosing her over me. That was the reality and that hurt.

 "Not any longer". Ben slowly walked closer and this time he didn't stop before he could take my hands in his. "I have given KC the keys to our stash. He is now responsible for what leaves the room. When next shipment arrive on friday I am telling them that we are done with the drugs. Kattie has started on getting our new business up and running. So we are letting the two businesses overlap, before we stop with the drugs when the stash is empty". I had to look at him. "When you left me the other night I realised how stupid I had been. I realised that I chased away the first woman that had made me want to live again. I was so scared of never being able to win you back, that I had to do something drastic".

 "I am guessing that Kattie is over the moon about this ?" I didn't know what else to say about it. I was unsure about myself and unsure about Ben.

 "Everybody loves the idea. I presented it to the members this morning". Ben let go of my hands. "The question is, if it is enough to make you forgive me ?"

 I was fighting against my heart beating way to fast. I was fighting against the desire to step closer to him and close the distance between us. I was fighting the desire to press my lips against his.

 "I forgave you the moment I saw your eyes were your own". I sighed. It's the truth. I couldn't be angry with him, that would mean to stay away from him and I just couldn't.

 Ben's face lighted up in a happy smile. He stepped up to me and closed his arms tightly around me, pulling me into him. That happened to place my hands on his abs and I didn't mind one bit, feeling how they contracted with his breathing.

 

 Kattie's business plan turned out to be much more legal. Instead of the gang running around the turist area selling drugs, they now sold practical stuff. On the harbour they sold tablets against motion sickness. It was easy to lure the tourists before they went on whale safari and even easier when they came back already sea sick. They same pills were sold on the bars and clubs, promising to help against hangovers. On the beach they sold sun screen, cremes against sun burns, sunglasses, sunhats and other little bits and bobs tourist could need.

 KC had come up with another great idea, it involved selling a limited number of VIP tickets for the nightclub every day. They were sold far above normale price, but you were guaranteed access. Even if you arrived late in the evening. And they got a advertisement cap on top of it, which just made extra advertising for the club.

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