Being Amber

Without any memory of her past and not knowing why people react to her as they do, Amber has to learn to survive in the hard underworld of the City, among gangs and the unwanted citizens.
Her appearent resemblance with Ben's dead girlfriend, places her in the middle of a war that easily can cost her and others their lives.
In her quest to find her identity Amber has to learn to tell friend from foe, see behind the lies and decide if Ben's past matters at all.
When Ben asks Tom to train Amber he gets pulled into the war happening around him, far more than he wants to be.
Tom's alliance with Ben hangs in a thin tread when he not only falls in love with Amber but also starts a relationship with Kattie, who already has a boyfriend in Clay, Ben's second in command.
Will Amber ever find out who she really is ?
And how Will they get through the war ?


20. Games of power and sex



 Once again I had just sat down with my paperwork when Ben showed up. It was starting to become a bad habit that he interrupted my work and always because he had fucked up.

 "I have fucked up". He started before he had even closed the door behind himself.

 "And what did you say to her this time ?" Before Amber arrived here he would never had come to me for advice. So when he did, I knew it had to do with her. "And if she is gone, well I promise I don't have her here".

 "She went home". Ben said, looking like death warmed over. "I was kissing some random chick at the club and she saw it".

 "And where in lies the stupidity Ben ? That you had your tongue down someone else's throat or that she saw it ?" I asked with resignation.

"I didn't know it would hurt her like that". Ben looked almost desperate. "I didn't know her feelings were that strong".

 "What exactly did you think you wanker ?" I dropped my pen, making it roll across the table and leaned back, rubbing a hand over my face. We had this bloody talk months ago. That girl is hopelessly in love with you. She has already forgiven you for way more than she should. She has chosen to live in your house, under your protection, knowing that she can never know if it is her or the one she looks like you really care about. She loves you Ben".

 "How can she do that, when she can never be sure that I really love her". Ben asked me. "How can I be sure she is the one I love ?"

 "Would you sacrifice your own life to protect her ? Or more importent would you fight tooth and nail to survive and stay by her side ?" Dying was to easy. Especially when you had someone waiting for you there.

 "If I could choose to live forever I would do it, if I just had her by my side". He answered without hesitation.

 "Then why on earth do you want to kiss someone else at all ?" I closed my eyes feeling a headache coming on.

 "I don't know. I just want her to be happy. But it is like everything I do has the opposite effect". He said.

 "Have you considered that all she wants is for you to take her in your arms ?" I suggested. "Have you thought about kissing her and not anyone else ?" When the hell did I become the go to love expert ? It wasn't like I was the one with the most experience.

 "What if I loose her ?" Ben asked. "I can't go through that again. I can't put Kattie through those things again".

 "So you are telling me, that if you loose her now it won't hurt ?" I shook my head in resignation. "Honestly Ben. You excuses are not acceptable".

 "After last night she will probably never talk to me again". He sighed. "She would hardly look at me this morning, before she left with Kattie to work".

 "Well she didn't want to talk to you ever again after she hit you". I pointed out. "And still she forgave you as soon as she saw you. Be honest with her, she is strong enough to handle the truth. And she deserves to get the story about Amber. From your own mouth. She deserves that you trust her that much. Trust your relationship that much".


 Everyone turned to look at me when I entered the kitchen. It was a rare thing for me to come down to the kitchen while they were cooking. All the younger women were looking expectantly at me and the older womens gazes were knowing. My mother was one of these elder women at work in the kitchen today.

 "Thomas". My mother placed a hand on my chest. She was the only one using my full name, she refused to accept that I had shortened it to Tom years ago, most people didn't even know my full name.

 "This is the wrong place to play your games my son". She had the usual vacant look in her eyes.

 "It is not a game". I removed her hand and gave her a light kiss on the forehead instead. "It is called recreation, or I am going bloody insane".

 "We are all just a bit crazy". My mother smiled. If anyone was crazy it was her most definately. "But none of these girl will strengthen your position in the long run".

 "I am not looking to strengthen my position mom".

 "No you are looking for sex again". My mom was always very direct. "But sex is a very powerful tool Thomas".

 "Just mind your own buisness would you". Only I could get away with talking to my mother like that. But the truth was that she was crazy. She had lost her mind, when she was forced to leave Catrista and even if she had never blamed me, I knew it was because of me. Because she got pregnant with me. My father was some upper-class boy and he would have killed both her and me had he known.

 As long as I remember she had been talking about this game we are all living in. A game of power. Sex was, according to her, one of the most important tools in that game.

 I diverted my attention to two young woman that were cutting up onions. Both hurried up with their work as I walked towards them. The onions made tears roll slowly down their blushing cheeks.

 "Hey no reason for crying my lovelies". I said smiling. Putting an arm around each of them. "Have you any..". I cut of myself when I looked out the window. From the kitchen you could see the gate outside and Kattie had just stepped through it, followed by Clay. I saw Clay grab her arm, trying to pull her back out. Their body language told me this was far from friendly.

 I let go of the girls instantly, forgetting everything about what I was doing.

 "Unhand me". Kattie yelled, just as I stepped out through the door and walked towards them. "Let me go".

 "So you can run into his arms ? Don't you think I know were you are spending your nights ? You should do like Kress' girls and sell yourself. Then at least you would cover some of the money your are costing us".

 "Let her go Clay". I stepped calmly forward, closing the space between us.

 "Stay out of this Tom. Kattie is my girlfriend". Clay was glaring at me challenging. "And it is staying that way, I won't let you take her away from me".

 "You are on my property right now, and I don't want any fighting here". I say, ignoring his accusations against me. "Well unless Kattie want to defend herself. Then I will be happy to turn my back for a minute".

 "Yeah sure you are taking her side. Makes you feel important right ? That you can play with our women as soon as we turn our backs to them. Kattie.. Amber". He shrugged. "I wouldn't be surprised if you are taking care of Hope as well".

 "I don't know were you get these ideas". I said very calmly. "But if you feel that your girlfriend has a need to come to me, well then it might have to do with you not feeling good enough for her".

 "Oh always a clever retort ready haven't you". Clay stepped towards me threatening. Not that I feel threatened at all. Clay had always refused to conform, so he had never had any real training. i could take him down in a second if I needed to. "You think you are so..". He stopped himself, clearly not knowing what to say. I looked at him expectantly, lifting one eyebrow. "Forget it. Come here Kattie". He pulled hard on Katties arm.

 Kattie pulled her arm from his grasp with a fast movement and ran inside the school. Clay was about to run after her, but I only needed to put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He glared at me. "Everybody has gone crazy since Amber arrived". He sneered. "Ben, Kattie,.. you".

 "No Clay. Everybody has gone back to normal after she came". I corrected him. "It is just new to you, because you didn't know them before".

 "Zombie is the only smart one in the underworld". He huffed.

 "See then I don't understand why you are staying with The Shadows". I said coldly.

 Clay snorted at me, before turning on his heels and leaving the area. I told the guards that he was not allowed to enter and they should get me if he tried.


 I found Kattie sitting on my bed. She was hugging my pillow close to her chest.

 "I never understood what you wanted with him". I sat down next to her. "And I get even less why you didn't just knock him out. You are way to strong to let someone like him treat you like that". I pulled the pillow from her grasp. "No need to choke my pillow, it has done nothing wrong". The corners of her mouth was quivering slightly, when she leaned into me. I put my arm around her shoulder.

 "I am under strict orders not to do anything stupid". She whispered. "Hitting him would be very stupid. And I am not sure I would be able to stop again".

 "Leave him Kattie, he isn't worth it".

 "He is our second in command. I would have to look at him every day no matter what". She took my hand and laced her fingers with mine. "I can't ask Ben to choose between him and me".

 "He would choose you any day". I told her. "How can you even think he wouldn't ?"

 "I miss you Tom". She looked up at me. Her green eyes pleeding. "I miss us. I miss what we could have had". 

 "We can't do this". I whispered, when her hand slid up my chest. "It is wrong". But still it felt so right. "It could get us in a world of trouble".

 "I don't care". When she looked up at me again a tear ran down her cheek. "I need you".

 I knew I shouldn't, the unwritten rules of the underworld deemed her of limits, but the need, the want, it all just got to be to much and I gently kissed away the tear. My lips finding hers, as we melted together. Her hands grabbing the front of my shirt tightly.

 My hands pulled her into me, holding her as close as possible as long as we were dressed. Oh how I had missed this. Her sweet kisses and warm hands. She pushed a bit away from me and stood up, smiling softly at me as she slowly let her clothes drop to the floor, piece by piece, leaving her naked and me with a dry throat and an almost painful erection.

 She slowly straddled my lap, her hands running up into my hair. My hands grabbing her slim waist as she kissed me again, more passionated and intense.

 Her tongue played first with my lips and then with my tongue, an intriguing dance. Her mouth running down along my jaw, making me close my eyes and moan deep in my throat, which made her mouth run down over my neck and throat.

 "Seriously Tom, one day one of these T-shirts are going to spilt when you lift something. Is it me or are they getting tighter and tigther". She giggled as she pulled my shirt over my head. Her hands running over my chest.

 I got up, lifting her with me, before turning, laying her on the bed. I couldn't help enjoying the sight of her naked body splayed out on my bed, as I quickly dicharged the rest of my clothes. "Ha ha very funny, you would like that wouldn't you ?"

 "Me and every other woman, yeah". She answered, as I crawled up on the bed. I started kissing and nippling up, her thighs, making her gasp and throw back her head.

 My hands ran up her soft strong legs, spreading them apart. She was looking down at me with hooded eye, her breathing coming in soft gasps already. I let my tongue slide over her warm center and she grabbed my hair, moaning my name softly.

 "Tom what are you doing ?" Her eyes went wide in surprise, as I let my tongue explore every inch of her, humming with pleasure against her skin.

 "Shh baby, just enjoying you so very much". It was something I had learned of since the last time I was with her, and apparently no other man she had been with had done it. I smiled to myself, putting in an extra effort.

 I kept teasing her, kissing, licking and sucking at her sensitive skin, finding her little secret knob, sucking it between my lips. She was thrashing, gasping and moaning. And as I graced my teeth over it, she let out a small pleasures scream, as her body stiffend, and I knew she had reached her climax.

 I slid up over her, kissing her deeply, as I slowly buried myself in her warm, wet softness, unable to hold back a groan at the feeling. "Oh God you feel so good".

 Her legs folded around my hips, and her arms was lodged around my neck. My face was buried in her neck, kissing and licking at every inch of skin. We were as close as possible as I slowly started rolling my hips on her, grinding down on her.

 She moved with me, we knew each others bodies so well, even though it had been a long time. I rested my forhead on hers. Keeping the slow pace, feeling every moment, gazing into her beautiful eyes, feeling us melt together as one.

 I wish I could stay in this moment forever, knowing what would happen when it came to an end. But of course it couldn't. I could feel the pull in my abdomen, telling me I was gettting close the my climax. I upped my tempo, twisting my hip slightly with each trust. She started chanting little sounds of pleasure, tightening her legs around me, pulling me closer to her.

 As she threw her head back, shaking sligtly, I couldn't hold back any long, gasping and finding my release with a few hard thrusts. Before collapsing and pulling her into me, burrowing my face in her neck and hair.

 She allowed me to hold her a couple of minutes, before freeing herself from my arms and getting up. She gave me a quick kiss, before pulling on her clothes. I was watching her. I was torn, half of me wanting more, wanting the snuggling, the sleeping with her in my arms, the waking together. The other part happy I didn't have to deal with those things.

 I smiled at her and she smiled back. "Thanks Tom. See you".

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