Papsketti

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Papyrus wants the spaghetti, but at what cost?

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23. Once in a Spaghetti

I feel guilt for not updating for an entire century, I should probably get back to writing new chapters xd

"Man, I can feel this story deteroriating fast." Everyday Joe was saying to his friend Bob over some Starbucks Coffee. They were sitting at a lovely lil table outside Starbucks itself and it seemed nothing could ruin this mediocre day.
 

"Yeah, I know right? Almost as if the concept could have been better if handled by a more professional author." Bob agreed as he pulled out the book both of them were discussing, Skeletons and Lasagna.
 

"I can't understand all the Amazon reviews. How could anyone find something like this entertaining?" Bob tells Joe before sipping more of his latte.
 

"Well even if it is that bad, we still got to finish Skeletons and Lasagna for book club." Joe stated.
 

"True."
 

Their conversation got interrupted by a portal beginning to open up in front of them. Bob gasped and he adjusted his thick brown glasses in shock while Joe began recording the event on his IPhone with shaky hands.
 

The Pasta Pirates jumped out of the portal, and more of the nearby ppl began taking notice. Captain NoodleBeard swiftly landed as the portal closed behind him and his men. Joe and Bob quivered in place, as Noodlebeard looks over them.
 

Joe quickly put away his IPhone in his Jean pocket.
 

"Where do ye landlubbers keep yer booty?" Noodlebeard asked as he aimed a sword at Joe's neck.

"Uh…. W-what are you talking about?" Joe nervously adjusted his collar of his turtleneck sweater.
 

"I be natterin' about spaghetti, o' course!" Noodlebeard said as he motioned for his fellas to circle around Joe and Bob.

Rotini aimed his sword at Bob while several other men had their muskets pointed towards either dude.

"But pasta is banned entirely in America!" Bob informed while trying his best to keep his cool. "If you're wanting noodles so badly, I'm pretty sure you'll have to go to Europe or overseas!"
 

Captain NoodleBeard took a moment to think on that, then he motioned for his crew to put away their weapons.
 

"Why has it been banned?" Noodlebeard wondered aloud.
 

"Because of health concerns I suppose…" It was Joe's turn to answer.
 

The pasta captain took a few steps back to think of a new plan now that it was confirmed by these poorly written citizens in hipster fashion that pasta was getting banned. It might have only been banned in North America, but who knows if the ban would be spread to eventually every continent?
 

Noodlebeard hid his fear of that thought and he briefly took his mateys aside from Joe and Bob, who sat down again and nervously drank their Starfucks.
 

"Alright, me hearties, it has been confirmed by those scallywags that pasta be indeed banned." Noodlebeard stated the obvious as his parrot that I forgot about for some time because I'm a dumbass pecked his shoulder.

 

"So wha' are we goin' t' do, cap'n?" The youngest boy in the crew, Cappelletti, questioned with curious eyes.

 

"Hmm... We can get those landlubbers t' loot us t' who controls th' pasta so we can brin' it back t' th' great scallywags o'..." Captain NoodleBeard looked back to an awkward looking Joe and Bob, "America, I reckon. 'n then we shall try t' prevent th' ban from reachin' other parts o' th' world. 'twas th' reason we had t' open that portal, wasn't it?"

All of his crew gave him a hearty aye in agreement and with that small meeting over, Noodlebeard went over and pulled Joe up by his turtleneck. Rotini aimed a sword at his throat.
 

"Ye'll loot us t' yer leader." Noodlebeard ordered.

 

Joe quivered. "B-but can't y-you go to the White House yourself?"
 

Rotini only drew his sword closer, which made Bob give in and stand besides Joe as if to defend him.
 

"Alright, don't hurt my friend, I'll "loot" you to see "our leader"." Bob "said" "quotationally". Rotini put away his sword and stepped back satisfactorily and Captain NoodleBeard looked just as happy as he released his grip on Joe.
 

"So, where be yer ship, lad?" The pasta captain asked Joe.
 

"Uhh, we both - me and Bob- have our own cars, I'm not sure they'll manage to fit all of you and your friends in it." It was at least a good thing that the Starbucks was a few blocks from the college campus Joe and Bob resided, so that they could leave their cars behind and enjoy the benefits of some exercise on the way to get coffee. Also it wasn't like the Starbucks had a parking lot of its own anyway.
 

Joe and Bob looked around for the plot's answer to their problem only to get it in the form of a nearby Overly Large Bus Inc to the west of Starshit.
 

They motioned for the pasta pirates to stay as they went to get one of the buses only to get followed regardless.
 

"Wha' are these "cars"?" Rotini wondered out loud as they crossed the street. The pirates started to take in all this modern and noisy scenery in awe and wonder.
 

"Oh, it's like a pirate ship but it's more modern and runs on fuel." Joe tried to explain. "It's kind of complicated to explain really."
 

"O."
 

The fellas and hipsters (fellsters?) made it to the bus lot where a salesman named Mr. Sharpiro that looked exactly like Steve Harvey stood by a fancy bus looking like an anime poster boy. He happened to spot them in time right then and approached. Bob could swear that he heard the Family Feud theme for a split second.
 

"Can I help you gentlemen with anything?" Sales Harvey asked them, not really freaking out at the small pirate crew behind the college students.
 

"Me 'n me crew would like one o' yer finest cars." Captain NoodleBeard tells Mr. Sharpiro as he held out a cloth bag of Corzetti (pasta pirate currency). Bob gently pushed back NB's hand.

"What's the biggest bus you have? One that fits around 8 or 9 people?" Bob said, only to realize seconds after saying that that all these buses fit his criteria. He tried not to facepalm right then.
 

"All of these buses can sit at least twice that number!" Mr. Sharpiro told, "Are you looking for a certain type of bus?"
 

"Uh… we'll take one of those Sleeper Busses." Joe specified.
 

"Excellent choice! We just got some new shipments in from Fast Motors Co., one of the most popular and influential transportation companies of the 21st century!" Mr. Sharpie grinned.
 

"Do you have something made by a lesser known company?" Bob wondereth. Mr. Sharpiro looked around in search of the perfect hipster bus.
 

"Ah! We just got this shipment in today!" He led them over to a sleeper bus parked near the end of the lot. "It's not from a popular brand but-"
 

"We'll take it." Bob interrupted as he pulled out his checkbook since he could feel this scene was being stretched out farther than it's own good.
 

Soon the bus was bought and everyone (except the salesman, silly) was loaded on. It was a p big bus with loads of beds and all other that nice, fancy shit. It was so fancy that it even had cup holders for cup holders!
 

The Pasta Pirates were all in awe about the bus's design and technological aspects, so Bob decided to take this moment to put in his favorite indie band's cd in the cd player slot.
 

The pirates stopped meandering around and took notice of the awful, bland music coming from the stereo. While the rest of the crew covered their ears and groaned in pain, Captain Noodlebeard took his sword and sliced the stereo in half somehow.
 

"Hey, what was that for?!" Bob yelled. "That was really great music!"
 

"Exactly!" Joe defended his bromie.
 

"Ye call that music?! I would say THIS be music!" Noodlebeard got the attention of his crew and they all began loudly singing one of the Pasta Pirates' favorite shanties. Cappelletti and some of the pirates even danced along to the a capella version!

Bob sighed dejectedly as he put the key in and started up the bus's engine. Joe wanted to console Bob right then, but figured he would just get drowned out by the singing pirates.
 

The bus took off down the streets as everyone eyeball emojied like they hadn't ever seen a bus with singing pirates who's lives were filled with heartiness and pastaness.
 

Undyne happened to be coming out of a Ramen store right then when she saw the bus and noticed the singing coming from inside it. She felt that shanty was oddly familiar and got the coolest idea…. To follow it.

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