The Bar Code Parody

Many years into the future, civilization has become fixated on a new piece of technology which allows the user to keep all of their information on their bare skin in the form of a barcode. Society has become so fixated on it that the ones that don't have one of the essential barcodes are deemed to fail in society, and just suck at life in general.
Sapphire Serenity, however, isn't phased about this technological advancement in the slightest and would rather remain an remarkable individual who happens to be the biggest outcast in her entire high school. But when things start turning for the worst, Sapphire has no other option, but to turn into one of the biggest Mary Sues in literature history.

Give credit to the original, The Barcode Tattoo by Suzanne Weyn.


5. What A Twist!

Sapphire walked down the sidewalk towards her house through the cloudy and chilly weather. Puddles of rainwater were scattered on the ground from the earlier rain. The sidewalk and streets were also still somewhat damp too.

Heading towards port base, Sapphire noticed a huge crowd of people on her front lawn.

"Must be one of mom's boycotts again.." Sapphire joked morbidly, remembering her mother's displeasure and hatred for My Toxic Lover. She had attempted to split the band many times by attempting to petition them for reasons as stupid as sitting on the wrong park bench. None of those attempts ever worked however.

Sapphire noticed an ambulance and then got pretty serious. She starting running fast, desperate to see what all the hubbub was about. Sapphire finally got up in the crowd that didn't really have a reason to be there other than making our snowflake speshul.
 "Wtf homie?" She asks like any teen would in a situation like this. 
 "For reals, my nizzle!" Her response caught the attention of her second only friend who lived across the block, smoked weed everyday, and made cool rap music........ I wonder who could it actually be....
 "Snoop Dogg? WHat are you doing here?" She questions emphasizingly.
A crowd cheer effect ripped directly from a Dan Schneider show sounded as no one in the actual crowd cared. 
 "Well, I'm your friend, dipshit. Plus, it's also my job to be an unnecessary celebrity cameo as well." He explained thoroughly. 
 "cool." Sapphire replied as they focused again on the one of the biggest plot twists in the story.....

Before I continue, what do you readers think the big twist is? 

A. Sapphire's mom made a sandwich.
B. They got the wrong pizza.
C. They had called the babysitter to watch over their nonexistent son but all she ever did was hog the tv.
D. Sapphire's one dimensional dad suddenly dies without much reasoning except for future handwaving done only to make the main protagonist REALLY special and super cool and edgy and goffick to appeal to our teen demographic and also as an excuse for actual real character development.
E. This was the fifth time that they had an IKEA purchase spontaneously combust without warning.

Hm... If you guessed D, you just won a million dollars!!! ( woo )
But seriously, that was hard.

Anyways, Sapphire lingered behind in the crowd with the sudden burst of edginess. Snoop got sick of this and was all like, "just get the fuck up there" and shoved Sapphire in front of the crowd where a very sad scene happened.
 Two ambulances were there, despite them only needing one, and they were hauling away Sapphire's dad on a stretcher. He didn't even look dead, which prompted going up to her grief stricken mother and asking,
 "O hai mom. Why is dad sleeping on a stretcher?" Snoop facepalmed so loudly that the internet could hear it from 2 yards away. Ferrizin had finally ran up to the scene after hearing Sapphire say that.
 "Are you fucking kidding me, you bitch?" She asked too.
Sapphire ignored them and everyone else and only focused on her mom7777777777777777777777-
"quit sevening me u kunt." Sapphie's mom said in a tone of self awareness after noticing an error that wasn't going to be fixed anytime soon. She took hold of her daughter's shoulders and began leading her inside.
 "But you didn't answer my question..?"
Her mom's voice got even more serious. "I believe the drak tiems are nearing us."
 "But how did dad die?!" Sapphire pressed.
 "....The bad writing has killed your father."

Overly Convenient News Gazette brings you todays' latest issue of September 12 2346
 Obituary Notice For Bob Everyman Destiny

A generic civilian by the name of Bob Destiny, 23, died two days prior to this writing due to
mysterious causes not yet discovered, The deceased's wife, Milea Destiny noted how much
more delusional he had been acting recently by trying to convince people that the world was
all a big lie and that they were all just characters in said delusion. His wife tried to get him help
through a professional doctor, but failed miserably in the end. He is survived by his wife and their 
16 year old daughter Sapphire Sofia Celetine Bagel Beef Notepad Limbo Katana Squadron 
( Yeah i think that's it. ).


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