The Bar Code Parody

Many years into the future, civilization has become fixated on a new piece of technology which allows the user to keep all of their information on their bare skin in the form of a barcode. Society has become so fixated on it that the ones that don't have one of the essential barcodes are deemed to fail in society, and just suck at life in general.
Sapphire Serenity, however, isn't phased about this technological advancement in the slightest and would rather remain an remarkable individual who happens to be the biggest outcast in her entire high school. But when things start turning for the worst, Sapphire has no other option, but to turn into one of the biggest Mary Sues in literature history.

Give credit to the original, The Barcode Tattoo by Suzanne Weyn.


2. Teen Angst Ahoy

Outside, rain drummed against the window as Sapphire thought it was the greatest sentence to start off the story.
"Sapphire, this is the eighth time you've been in my office, and for something as juvenile as flipping off a group of innocent students!" The principal yells. "And just the other day, it was for "being gothic" as your teacher Mrs. Take put it."
 "I don't give a damn, they were all preps." Sapphire replies back icily and looking back outside the window of wonder.
The unnamed principal sighs. "Well, if you're not going to take your school records seriously, I'm going to have to put you in a recreational
club that will surely straighten you out."
He then pulls out a huge packet of papers and flips through it. "Hm..... It's looks as if all these clubs have been filled, but the Helping Hands club is open."
Sapphire was unmoved. "Sounds like a shitty club."
The principal looked at her in a Sad Ben Afleck way as he put away the packet. "Well, it's either joining a student organization or detentions everyday."
Sapphire didn't question the lack of effective schooling, because it's the future deal with it, and started brooding as the principal kept blabbing like any stereotype would. Just when the foreshadowing daydream was about to happen, a voice entered her head "Sapphire, there's a time and a place for everything, but not now!".
She assumed it was a piss-poor attempt at one of the million pop culture references this story was going to make and looked back towards the principal.
 "Do you understand, Sapphire Sophia Crystal-Angel Leaf Princess Heaven...." The principal looks at a index card. "Hellscythe Destiny?"
Sapphire nods, in annoyance that nobody except her parents could remember her own name that was competely unique compared to everyone elses.
"Alright, then get out of my sight." Sapphire gets up and leaves at his command. She began to wonder through the empty hallways, her long waist length curly naturally violet-purple hair with silver glitter shone as she walks swiftly down the stairs, where Sapphire would always skip class writing dark, depressing stories to put on her MySpace.
She always preferred MySpace over social sites of any kind that teens her age used, simply because she like being different. Except right where her favorite spot under the stairs was a poorly made poster advertising barcodes, complete with comic sans, dead memes, and celebrity stock model Harold.
 Yes, the barcode. These things had been put into use by the government several months ago mainly as an excuse to show off how rich the USA was, at least that was what Sapphire got from it.
They were promoted and hyped to be more convenient than credit cards and money, and the barcodes carried all of your records and identity on them. These barcodes were mainly printed on the human skin, around the wrist, but they could come in a variety of shapes, colors, and locations. And like all fads such as Fidget Spinners,
this one didn't show any signs of dying any time soon.
 Sapphire felt the cringe coming off of the laminated poster and pulls out her tiny ass leather notebook out of her black-violet satchel that hung from her shoulders. That bag was special to her as Sapphire had bought it for ninety dollars at Hot Topic, a totally rare and exotic store that was her favorite place in the world.
 Deep and edgy song lyrics started entering her mind, so she decided to start writing them down with her black glitter pen.

Standing amongst the crowd,
I stand alone,
Nobody can see my suffering,
from behind my fake smile.

Sapphire didn't feel as if rhymes were needed in songs to perfectly illustrate emotion, so she should just leave it at that.
 Just as she was closing her notebook, Sapphire heard a guy walking down the stairs.
"This is such an awful story!" He laughs ironically as his sweet, brash voice fills the once silent room.
Sapphire put away her notebook in her cheaply made purse and stood up just as a book fell over the stairs and landed in front of her. She picks up the book and read the title.
"Undertab: Sans' Tab Adventure?" Sapphire flips through the poorly-written book and shakes her head before throwing the shameless self-promotional material in the garbage can besides her.
The guy made it down the stairs and Sapphire took note of his appearance. He was tall and wore a hideous neon green aeropostale shirt along with white sweatpants with emojis on them. He also had on bright red and gold Nike hightops and matching tie. The dude skidoodle also wore thick black Google glasses that were too big for him and had his black hair styled in a messy ponytail.
His style completely contrasted with Sapphire's even cooler style of an Avenged Sevenfold band tee and ripped dark neon blue jeans along with black All-Stars.
"Eh, don't question it. It's just some terrible story that's new in the library today." 
He stared into her icey blue eyes and dark eyeshadow and pulls out a pack of Juicy Fruit gum to get out a piece. The guy started chewing it vigourously before remembering Sapphire was there.
"Oh, do you want a piece?" 
"Gum advertisment is for preps." Sapphire tells him as, at that moment, the screen freezes and the same sentence she had just said was captioned under her and the Juicy Fruit logo was pictured beside of it. Then the story continued like nothing happened.
"Well, you're a cool gal. What's your name?" The teen asks.
"I'm Sapphire, you creep." She looks away from him.
"Coolio! I'm Execzor." Execzor introduces. His name immediately reminded Sapphire how bare bones names in the future were nowadays, as he shared the same name
as the singer who had won the most razzies of the 23rd century. A total of 857 to be exact.
Suddenly the bell rings, before these two could have screentime together. Sapphire thought about maybe going to her next class, but then decided not to due to being way past cool for school.
"Hey, bitch." a oh-so familiar voice casually greets. Sapphire turns around to see a girl who looked exactly like an expy of Daria, but wasn't really her, because if it was
that would make for a better story.
"O hai, Ferrizin."

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