The Bar Code Parody

Many years into the future, civilization has become fixated on a new piece of technology which allows the user to keep all of their information on their bare skin in the form of a barcode. Society has become so fixated on it that the ones that don't have one of the essential barcodes are deemed to fail in society, and just suck at life in general.
Sapphire Serenity, however, isn't phased about this technological advancement in the slightest and would rather remain an remarkable individual who happens to be the biggest outcast in her entire high school. But when things start turning for the worst, Sapphire has no other option, but to turn into one of the biggest Mary Sues in literature history.

Give credit to the original, The Barcode Tattoo by Suzanne Weyn.


4. Hooky Like A Pro

Sapphire went into the generic shopping mall. This wasn't originally her plan, but after remembering Ferrizin's upcoming birthday 30 minutes away from school, Sapphire thought she had no other way to waste her money than on her friend of one month. The mall officers wouldn't recognize her as a skipping student anyway, she thinks smartly. What could possibly go wrong?

Sapphire ignored the crowds of people as she went into one of the best places in the city, the old fashioned cd store that contrasted with all the high tech stores. This was the only place in town that still sold cds and whatever the hell elders referred to as "Vinyls".

She had just learned the day before that My Toxic Lover had released their newest EP, so naturally Sapphire was hella excited and had stolen the fifty bucks needed from her mom's purse so she was all set for payment.

Sapphire looked around the store that was littered with garbage and had the cashier lazing away to gothic Johnny Cash songs. She walks up the half-asleep bruh.

"Hey, do you have My Toxic Lover's newest album?" She asked pulling out her velvet black wallet.

"Eh, sure, it's on display over there." he pointed before snoozing away again.

"Thanks." Sapphire walked over while admiring the black, gloomy wallpapers and cream colored carpeting. On the walls were framed wanted posters of notorious criminals throughout history. Related decorations were on the wall also, making this spoopy place only charm Sapphire even more.

She made it over to a dusty wooden shelf where hundreds of My Toxic Lover albums were disorganized. Sapphire picked up the album that looked the cleanest and saw that it was indeed the newest album.

Sapphire looked at the Microsoft Paint expertise of the photoshop and visuals. The background was a searing bright red that would pain anybody's eyes with a group picture of the goth band plastered on it. In a black Comic Sans font read, "Costed A Million". The same font was also above the picture which just read My Toxic Lover, along with other not as important details.

( To enhance the story experience, here's a picture I made that's basically what the album kind of looked like: )


"This is so cool!" Sapphire fangirls out loud before pushing play on the preview button on the wall. Unstructured Guitars and Heavy Metal-like screaming filled the store as Sapphire began to dance to it wildly. She even imagined herself moshing along to the song with Ferrizin and other cool gothic people at a My Toxic Lover concert.

She was snapped out of her fantasy as the clip ended. Sapphire sighed and put the album on the counter. She also gets out the fifty, which surprised the cashier by a lot.

"You're still using this paper shit?" He held up the dollar.

"Yeah, so?" Sapphire looks at him quizzically.

The cashier shakes his head as he scanned the album bar code. "Kids like you are going to have to adjust to using bar codes instead of these dollars that nobody uses anymore."

"But my mom does!"

"Your mom is an idiot, child. Tell her to get in with this day and age." The cashier handed back the money. Sapphire huffed as she got out her e-card, which carried all of her funds. The card was handed to the cashier and he scanned that. It was handed back along with the cd in a cheap Walmart bag.

The cashier looked at her in a strange manner. "Say, you look pretty old for a kid. What's your age?"

"Ew, you perv! Quit hitting on me!" Sapphire hits him in the face with her purse.

"Wtf, man, I'm not hitting on you, I'm just curious." He rubbed his now red cheek where the purse had collided.

Sapphire was about to douse him with pepper spray but then she hears this and put the can back in her purse.

"Well, I'm out of your league anyway. I'm 16." Sapphire stated. The cashier looked less irritated.

"Good. At your age, you'll get one of these shiny, new bar codes in no time! And you'll be like 3/4 of the population who actually has sense." He talked her down as if she was couldn't even comprehend anything he was saying. 

"Have a nice day." The cashier says icily.

"Whatever, you fucking prep!" Sapphire calls back in anger as she exited the store. She then remembered the newest My Toxic Lover EP in her walmart baggie and was filled with happiness once again. "I can't wait to gift this to my bestest friend in the whole world."

It was moments of silence of walking through the mall before the sound of a segway speeding behind her caught her by surprise. 

"wtf." Sapphire turned her head around to see a mall cop that looked like none other than Paul Blart himself!

"Stop right there!" The mall cop shouted. "Don't make me get off this segway!"

Sapphire was spooked by Blart's weirdness and started running out of the mall. Paul Blart got out the walkie talkie from his belt.

"GET ME SECURITY!" He yells just as Sapphire left the mall before anything stranger could happen.

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