The Diary of A Vampire Vol. 2

The second diary of a vampire the first one is Dairy of a vampire without the Vol. 2 on it. It had somewhere close to 100 chapters so I started a new one.

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21. Entry 21; Fri, sep 8, 2017

How many months has it been since I have been out to feed? How many months has it been since I last spoke a word to a person that I wanted to speak to? I don't remember. I can remember for the last week I have done nothing but mope around and try to do something with my life. It seems pointless. And hopeless. I can think of nothing but death hanging over me. It seems she will not leave me alone. Upon waking and upon sleep I think of ways to end myself. I know that this will pass. It has to, right? I mean it always does but this time it feels like it will not. The few times I have been happy a thought in my head will wipe my smile away. I remember when I used to have a smile on myself all the time. Now though it seems a distant memory that no one around can even see. I haven't sat down to a meal with the lousy family I have in weeks. I haven't snuck out to go and get myself some blood in months and it seems that the hungry is only getting worst. I wish that I could find that smile of mine and tape it to my face. I know that it will show up sometime around Halloween. I am waiting for some teacher of mine to call my mom and just ask why I look sad but it seems no one will. My mother is hardly looking at me and leaves me to myself. My father says hi and tells me he is checking to make sure I am alive. "No father, No I am not alive. I died a long time ago and nothing is going to change that." Sometimes, like now, it feels like someone is sticking a stake in my heart and just leaving it there. After a while, you can't feel the pain of it there. What keeps me from taking a knife though is the thought that I would not get to be happy anymore. I wouldn't live to see the next mornings sunrise I would no longer see a smile on my mothers face as she looks at my brother. I wouldn't get to watch all the crappy Halloween movies every again. And I would never see the moon rise once more. All the little things that make my life somewhat nice would be taken from me. But enough about that.

I am enjoying school as much as I can without speaking. It is a challenge when the teachers come and ask me what I think. Hardly anyone sits next to me. Guess I am not my brother no matter how many people would like to see it. I wish sometimes that I was him maybe then I would find what I am looking for. Because believe me I am looking for something and so far I have it down to a drawing. I have been drawing this thing for months. It is a sword. Every time I saw my hand draw I would look at it and know that it wasn't done that it was missing something. Yes well, I finally finished the sword. 

 

So the clock on the bottom of this isn't part of the sword. That one is the doodling part of it. 

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