Dear Diary...


0Likes
0Comments
581Views
AA

1. How can you do something like this?

When it comes to love, I was never good at understanding it. I never knew why someone would say that they loved me, what did I have that was worth love? Nothing that I knew of... So when you came into my showing me all this love and support I took it in, I believed every single thing that you said to me even though I knew that I shouldn't have. I based my every thought off of what you would think if you knew what I was thinking.. I loved you more than you even knew, and I thought that you loved me back, but oh was I wrong.. You never loved me. No matter what you might have said, you never had a single true feeling for me.

All you wanted was to hurt me, to take something from me that I held so close to me I kept it to myself almost my whole life. You ruined me. Why did you do that? Because you wanted to hurt me, you just wanted to please yourself, and make yourself happy. Not once did you ever mean anything that you said to me. You lied so you could get whatever you wanted from me, you didn't care what it took to do that. You didn't care that once I found out that I blamed myself, and only myself. I hate myself now more than I ever have. Why? Because I could have prevented this, I could have kept the one thing I held close to me, but now it's gone and there's nothing I can do to get it back..I can NEVER get it back! I have cried almost every hour since I heard the truth. I cared more about you than anyone because I thought you felt the same towards me, but boy was I so fucking wrong... 

I knew that I shouldn't have done it. I should have stayed home that night. I never should have talked to you, to begin with. Oh but what did I do? I talked to you, and I went with you that night... I did everything that I knew that I shouldn't.. So in the end whose fault is it? Yours for using me, or mine for putting myself in the situation to begin with?

I am so tired of hurting all of the time. What is the point of being here if all I do is hurt. No matter if it's mentally, or physically. I am always hurting..I never do enough, there's always more to be done, and always someone whose finished before me. I can try my hardest and it still isn't enough for anyone. No love exists for someone like me, but that's not something new to me...

 

 ~RAE

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...